Coss

Two Aussies are adrift in a lifeboat. While rummaging through the boat's provisions one of them finds an old lamp. He rubs the lamp and a genie suddenly appears. This genie tells them that he only grants one wish. Without giving much thought to the matter, the lamp finder blurts out, "Turn the entire ocean into VB!" (Victoria Bitter, a beer) The genie claps his hands with a deafening crash, and immediately the entire sea turns into beer. The genie disappears and only the gentle lapping of beer on the hull breaks the stillness as the two men considered their circumstances. The second Aussie turns to the first and says, "Nice going mate! Now we're going to have to pee in the boat."

Aussie family arrives in New Zealand. Son's first day at school and the father say's "OK son what happened at school today" "I topped the class at Math's today". "Well son that's because you're an Australian" Second day at school and the father say's "what happened at school today" "I topped class in English" "Well son that's because you're an Australian". Third day at school and the father say's "What happened at school today" "We played mini Rugby and after the game we were in the showers and I noticed that I had a bigger wasser than all the other boys" "Is that because I am an Australian Dad?". "No son" the father relied "that's because your 27".

Had me laughing out loud some of these. Just got to hide my elephant.

An Aussie farmer is being shown around an Otago sheep farm by his Kiwi mate. They are driving down a fence line when they come across a ewe with its head stuck in the five wire fence. The Kiwi leaps out, drops his trousers and shags the sheep. Being a good host he turns to his Aussie mate and says: "Your turn, now, mate!" "Are you sure?" replies the Aussie slightly nervously. "Yeh, of course, we're mates and I'm your host". So the Aussie hops out of the Land Rover, drops his trousers, bends down and sticks his head through the five wire fence.

Bram Stoker's Dracula Num Num

55555555555555555 Straynge thuh Oorstrahlian percepshun ov owr acceeent 'least we don't say "seeeeks Feeeeesh and Cheeeeps" LOL

Just watched Avatar again, why? cause I got an HD copy off the electric network. Whilst very much still "dances with smurfs", the technology is very impressive. BTW I've worked out that there must be a god, the Na’vi in Avatar have breasts, even though they’re not mammals, and the male Na'vi have nipples, but the females either don't or the leaves, beads and other adornments always strategically cover them on the females only. So: there must be a god because even on aliens he gave males redundant nipples. And: god must be american because you never see females nipples on screen. I rest my case. And may I never be struct down by lightening and may I be wealthy and prosper, now I know there is a god, please.

you talking about me?

I'd say 4 stars and left open for a sequel. Cheers Coss

Bob, a handsome dude, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 PM. He sat down next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV. The 10:00 PM news was coming on. The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a large building preparing to jump. The blonde looked at Bob and said, 'Do you think he'll jump?' Bob says, 'You know, I bet he'll jump.' The blonde replied, 'Well, I bet he won't.' Bob placed a $20 bill on the bar and said, 'You're on!' Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy on the ledge did a swan dive off the building, falling to his death. The blonde was very upset, but willingly handed her $20 to Bob, saying, 'Fair's fair. Here's your money.' Bob replied, 'I can't take your money, I saw this earlier on the 5 PM news and so I knew he would jump.' The blond replied, 'I did too; but I didn't think he'd do it again.' Bob took the money......

10hrs and some minutes

Since I did the cookbook, I've been a bit lax, please let me know when my just-done donation shows up. Cheers Coss