Coss

I got LK here at the moment, fishing and then a bottle of that er.. lovely wine you gave me, I'm off the wine, gout you know, LK will have that lovely drop all to himself Fortunately MiWiMee is cooking so it'll all be completely hetero...

guests ....

My worry about "Chateau Cardboard" is that no matter how high grade, the plastic used to line the bag, it's still plastic and thereto will leach chemicals into the wine, turning an otherwise drinkable wine into a hangover, the likes of which may not have been achieved, with a similar quantity of glass encased wine. There I've said it!

Faaaarrrk!

Yes priceless indeed. It always amazes me how the poor in my country all are wearing $200~$500 Nikes and Reeboks that I can't afford.

You are supposed to find our distress amusing

Yes I've always wondered why sales/marketing people are inviolable, and they lie on their CVs. If they are expert in MS Word and Powerpoint, why do I have to make their Word templates and Powerpoint presentations?

I agree whole heartedly, I've been stung many a time by the promises of Marketing Witches. And I too mean no offense to any marketing people on this board.

And I just noticed, see the shaving cuts on her upper lip? Now you have to look, if I didn't tell you you'd never have to look.... Arrrrrgghhhhh! Somebody shoot me....

Surely Sir you jest! But in case you don't... Are you blind now? Don't answer that....

Why has no one mentioned the Scottish National Virgin Beauty, Susan Magdalane Boyle . ?

I hear that old world wines are making a comeback, on the back of a glut from the new world....

Yes I though the Tibet references were far too kind.

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555555555555 I got to get me one, do you think they do Hippo strength ones for the NZ girls?

Two cattle drovers standing in an Outback bar. One asked, "What are you up to, Mate?" Ahh, I'm takin' a mob of 6000 from Goondiwindi to Gympie." "Oh yeah ... and what route are you takin'?" "Ah, prob'ly the Missus; after all, she stuck by me durin' the drought."

On a tour of Australia, the Pope took a few days off to visit the coast for some sightseeing. He was cruising along the beach in the Pope-mobile when there was a frantic commotion just off shore. A helpless man, wearing an All Black rugby jersey, was struggling frantically to free himself from the jaws of a 25 foot shark. As the Pope watched in horror, a speedboat pulled up with three men wearing Wallabies rugby jerseys. One quickly fired a harpoon into the sharks side while the other two reached out and pulled the blue semiconscious Kiwi fan from the water. Then, using long clubs, the three beat the shark to death and hauled it into the boat. Immediately the Pope shouted and summoned them to him. "I give you my blessing for your brave actions. I heard that there were some bitter hatreds between Australian and NZ rugby fans, but now I have seen with my own eyes that this is not true." As the Pope drove off, the harpooner asked his buddies, "Who was that?" "It was the Pope" one replied. "He is in direct contact with God and has access to all of God's wisdom." "Well" the harpooner said, "he may have access to God and his wisdom, but he doesn't know s**t about shark fishing. Is the bait holding up OK or do we need to get another one?"

A pirate walks into a bar with a wooden leg, a hook and an eye patch. The Barman says 'Sheesh - How'd you lose the leg' The Pirate says 'Arrrrr - A shark took it off at the knee' The Barman says 'Thats no good, what about the hand?' The Piarate says 'Arrrrg - Lost it in a bloody bar brawl' The Barman says 'Jeez - Well what about the eye then?' The Pirate says 'Thats easy a seagul crapped in it' The Barman says 'What?!?!' The Pirate says 'Arrrrrrr...I'd only had the hook one day...'

Two Aussies are adrift in a lifeboat. While rummaging through the boat's provisions one of them finds an old lamp. He rubs the lamp and a genie suddenly appears. This genie tells them that he only grants one wish. Without giving much thought to the matter, the lamp finder blurts out, "Turn the entire ocean into VB!" (Victoria Bitter, a beer) The genie claps his hands with a deafening crash, and immediately the entire sea turns into beer. The genie disappears and only the gentle lapping of beer on the hull breaks the stillness as the two men considered their circumstances. The second Aussie turns to the first and says, "Nice going mate! Now we're going to have to pee in the boat."

Aussie family arrives in New Zealand. Son's first day at school and the father say's "OK son what happened at school today" "I topped the class at Math's today". "Well son that's because you're an Australian" Second day at school and the father say's "what happened at school today" "I topped class in English" "Well son that's because you're an Australian". Third day at school and the father say's "What happened at school today" "We played mini Rugby and after the game we were in the showers and I noticed that I had a bigger wasser than all the other boys" "Is that because I am an Australian Dad?". "No son" the father relied "that's because your 27".

Had me laughing out loud some of these. Just got to hide my elephant.

An Aussie farmer is being shown around an Otago sheep farm by his Kiwi mate. They are driving down a fence line when they come across a ewe with its head stuck in the five wire fence. The Kiwi leaps out, drops his trousers and shags the sheep. Being a good host he turns to his Aussie mate and says: "Your turn, now, mate!" "Are you sure?" replies the Aussie slightly nervously. "Yeh, of course, we're mates and I'm your host". So the Aussie hops out of the Land Rover, drops his trousers, bends down and sticks his head through the five wire fence.

Bram Stoker's Dracula Num Num

55555555555555555 Straynge thuh Oorstrahlian percepshun ov owr acceeent 'least we don't say "seeeeks Feeeeesh and Cheeeeps" LOL