There was this basically-good man who died and appeared before St. Peter at the Holy Gates. St. Peter checks out his books and discovers that there is a problem. He says that there is no clear answer in the books on where the man is supposed to go, Heaven or Hell. He suggests that the man go to Hell and check it out, so that he may make the decision himself. If he didnâ??t like what he saw there, he could come back to Heaven.
Well, this man had only one true vice while he was alive. It seems he had an uncontrollable desire to play golf at any opportunity. He had traveled the world playing all the famous golf courses.
When the man arrived in Hell, Satan welcomed him, but he too was surprised at the manâ??s situation. He had assumed that since the question about the manâ??s ultimate destination wasnâ??t clear, the man would go to Heaven. The man could just see behind Satan a Most Beautiful Golf Course. It had beautiful trees, blue ponds, water separating the fairways, everything. The man fell in love with at at first site, and he couldnâ??t control himself. He just had to play a round.
The devil showed him a wonderful electric golf cart, a perfect leather bag, a matched set of clubs. Satan reached into his pocket and presented the man with a Golden Tee. The devil then said that only members could play. The man couldnâ??t control himself. He just had to play there.
He goes back up to Heaven and tells St. Peter that he has decided to stay in Hell so he could play on the Beautiful Golf Course there. When the man returns to Hell, he approaches Satan and asks for a tee time. The devil says that anytime at all, the man could play. No one else uses the course.
Chuckling with glee, the man approaches the first tee. He gets out of his beautiful golf cart, reaches for his perfectly matched clubs and selects his driver, reaches into his pants pocket and pulls out his Golden Tee, then frantically searches everywhere for a ball.
Satan comes up and the man asks him for a ball.
â??Thatâ??s the Hell of it,â? says Satan with a devilish laugh.
This man is sitting in a bar and notices two lovely women across the way. He calls the bartender over and says, "I'd like to buy those two ladies a drink."
The bartender replies, "It won't do you any good."
The man, with a confused look on his face says, "It doesn't matter, I want to buy those women a drink."
The bartender delivers the drinks to the ladies and the ladies acknowledge the drink with a nod of their heads. About a half-hour later, the man approaches the women and says, "I'd like to buy you two another drink."
The women both reply, "It won't do you any good."
The man says, "I don't understand. What do you mean it won't do me any good?"
The first lady says, "We're lesbians."
The man replies, "Lesbians? What are lesbians?"
The second woman replies, "Lesbians... We like to lick pussys."
The man says, "Bartender, three beers for us lesbians."
