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ijs5

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About ijs5

  • Birthday 10/15/1961

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  1. ijs5

    Any New Jokes

    A Scottish soldier in full dress marches into a pharmacy to speak to the chemist. The Scot opens his sporran and pulls out a neatly folded cotton bandana, unfolds it to reveal a smaller silk square, which he also unfolds to reveal a condom. The condom has a number of patches on it. He holds it up. "How much to repair it?" the Scot asks the pharmacist. "Six pence," says the pharmacist. "How much for a new one?" "Ten pence." The Scot folds the condom into the silk square and the cotton bandana, places it in his sporran and marches out the door of the pharmacy, kilt swinging. A moment or two later a great shout goes up, followed by an even greater shout. The Scot walks back into the pharmacy, and again speaks to the pharmacist. "The regiment has taken a vote," the Scot says. "We'll have a new one."
  2. ijs5

    Any New Jokes

    So this Scotsman goes into a brothel in Amsterdam one night and finds himself a prostitute. He asks her, "How much do yee charrrge forrrr an hourrr?" "â?¬100," she replies. So he asks, "Okay, do yee do Scottish style?" She says "No!" He then asks her, "I'll pay you â?¬200 to do it Scottish style?" She then says no, not knowing what Scottish style is. So he then offers her â?¬300. Again she declines his offer. So finally he says, "Luk, I'll give ye â?¬500 to go Scottish style with me!" Finally she agrees thinking, "Well, I've been in the game for over 10 years now, I've been there and done that, had every kind of request from weirdos from every corner of the world. How bad could Scottish style be?" So she goes ahead and has sex with him, doing it in every kind of way and in every possible position. Finally, after several intense hours they finish. Exhausted, the hooker turns to him and says, "That was fantastic. I've never enjoyed it so much. But I was expecting something perverted and disgusting. Where does the 'Scottish style' come in?" The Scotsman replies, "I'll pay ye next week".
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