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Everything posted by carew66

  1. Typical of Fly. Right in the middle of it. He'll be seriously pissed off. (I like the filing of allegations - quite rightly - at Jumsai for the incitement to bash.)
  2. Okay - I'll have a stab at something. It's Sunday night here and half of my brain is already working on tomorrow's demands. And talking of brains - and how I nearly lost mine - makes a good enough short anecdote. "If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans." Woody Allen said that (according to Google). True enough in my case. I had some plans when I arrived here in 2004 - nothing particularly concrete, definitely flexible, no hurry, no worry - but after just two weeks in Thailand a couple of guys tried to murder me. That was a novel experience. Somewhere in the archives is a rather garbled account written shortly afterwards, together with the comments opining that 'there must be more to this story' as if I was at fault. Well, there was more to it as it happened, but it took me more than four years to actually get to the bottom of it - but that's for another time. No, the reason why that incident is really significant is that even my half-formed plans were suddenly off the table. I had a Korean visa in my passport already, and had been about to embark for the land of kimchi. Never happened, no airline would let me board. Even weeks after getting out of hospital I was a mess. I've had worse, but I could have done without all the fuss. I didn't realise then that I'd been done a favour. The way things worked out to my benefit afterwards were a bit spooky. Things just fell into place over time. Over time - that's the key here. I see a lot of fast-talking smart-arses turn up here thinking that what works in the west can work in Thailand if only the Thais would get with the program. Trust me - they won't do anything unless they want to, and only then in their own way. Thailand just tires these fuckers out, then they fuck off. Seen 'em come, seen 'em go. If you stick around long enough, opportunities happen - in time. I'll never understand this place. No one who isn't Thai could ever understand this place. The curtain lifts every now and again, but then that's it. Cultural Peek-a-Boo. And that's just the way I like it. No regrets.
  3. Rumours of my demise have been greatly exaggerated, Sayjann. I just haven't visited this board for a long time. Hell, I haven't even visited the UK since 2008. I have my own life in Thailand. When I get a holiday I'm where I want to be on holiday. Now that I've said 'hello' I feel somewhat duty bound to say something further. Hang on a minute, let me have a think.
  4. Do you, darling? do you think it's bad manners? Bless!
  5. Well, should you change your mind and move out of that comfort zone to check out the Eastern Seaboard, then I'm sure I could convert you at least a little. Was that the same Limbo that once sent me a rather threatening Private Message about 5 years ago? I do believe it was. I wasn't impressed. Come here - we aren't bothered by shithead gangsters like they are on Koh Samui! Anyway - I kid you not. As long as I am on free time I would love to show you some nice places. Yes, even in Pattaya. In fact, there are some really nice places in Pattaya.
  6. Flashermac - that's you next door isn't it? Nice one! I'm a poor man. But even if I wasn't, I couldn't bring myself to live anywhere near the tourist towns. I really don't want to be anywhere near some dodgy fuckers trying to catapult themselves into an imagined higher social class with the aid of a Vigo, viagra and a threat of violence. I respect them nonetheless - I would just like that respect to be reciprocated. This is a nice town and I live in a nice neighbourhood. I don't want to see fat, aging, English skinheads wearing wifebeater vests when I go to the Mom and Pop store. Not much to ask, is it? .
  7. Thank you, Horneytorney. You are very kind. I'm a wee bit of a misanthrope and I get grumpier as I age. What works for me - works for me. I just treat farangs with a longer barge-pole than I would, say. in London. Here though, a friendly face and someone that speaks your language, someone with whom you may share common frames of reference and so on, means that it's easy to get conned. Happened to me a couple of times. Small beer. A few grand that's all. The language thing that you touch upon is an interesting point. Do you remember the story last week about the Canadian teacher getting stabbed (not-fatal) by some muscle Mary in Pattaya? With no reference specifically to that incident - none - it reminded me of the hazards (and I've done it, to my shame) of being in somewhere like Pattaya and just because of living here, speaking 20 words of Thai, knowing the difference between a noodle and a nipple, there is a very real danger of coming across as a 'know all'. A few beers and then chatting to the girls in fucked-up Thai and over-laughing at their shit jokes can wind up some guys who are holiday and they are well capable of getting the arsehole (upset) if somebody starts 'putting on side' (as they used to say) or trying to be flash bastard. I've been that sad fucker. I kick myself just typing this, but I'm not going to lie. In my day it was lads who used to write their names in Thai script on darts scoreboards in Sukhumvit pubs. If I go to Pattaya to meet lads from back home then I am on holiday also. End of. No Thai. No 'I live in Thailand'. None of that bullshit. "How long you stay Thailand?" is not an invitation for me to tell them.
  8. Sayjann - it would a great pleasure. The honour would be mine, sincerely. (I live a long way from Helltown and Pleasure City but near enough when needs must.) I always appreciate conversations in English despite my apparent disdain for it. You are more than welcome down here.
  9. And you wonder why I rarely socialise? You just scraped the surface, Red. (I am assuming that you are referring to a small seaside town not a million miles away from where I am typing this!) Usually - but not always - meeting yet another farang fantasist can be a mild diversion and sometimes amusing. I get fond of some of them in the way that I view the street dogs in my soi. As long as they don't try to bite, then I'm just fine. These people are not your friends. Tell them nothing unless you are happy for it to be common knowledge among the Tribe of the Resentful. Never give any indication of how much money you have - or don't have. Their twisted little hierarchy puts a lot of stock by how much money they think you have. A lot - then you are a man to be flattered and courted - you might come in useful. The wisest thing is to say little - preferably nothing - about such matters and then gently divert the discourse. Same with your phone number. Don't give it out willy-nilly or I guarantee that it will cause future awkwardness. A phone is for your convenience - not theirs. Any guy between 50 and 70 who bangs on and on about his Vietnam War experiences as a Tunnel Rat (or similar) was not there. The similar guy who says nothing and rarely drinks in bars and just lives his life quietly - probably was. It's a rough guide but as a rule of thumb I ain't far out. People who say that they are having money 'problems'? Where would they be telling anybody this? 99% of the time they are telling me in a bar. Join the dots. They always find money for drink or weed. Strange that one... The moochers from their relatives? I'll presume you may be referring to the guy with the 'taxi'. I don't give him anymore than the time of day. He's slightly retarded, but he has a very wealthy family back in his homeland and it is cheaper to keep him in Thailand where his habits and proclivities are unlikely to cause them any embarrassment. I would have loved to have walked and talked you through all the negatives when you were here, but you were on holiday and you don't need that shit. Never say 'perhaps' or 'maybe' to someone trying to squeeze you for cash. It took me years to learn this one but its the best piece of advice I can give when dealing with these 'characters'. (Actually, a lack of any character is what marks them out, but you know what I mean.) 'Maybe' means there is a slight opening available. All it takes is one more push and it's payday for the freeloader. The answer is 'No'. A completely unequivocal refusal: "No" Of course, then you'll be 'a cunt', because you are supposed to be their 'mate'. It's like a script; a whole choreography of the Dance of Scrounge and I've seen the play, heard the song, and been watching the ballet for years now. Good fences make good neighbours. I nod at my neighbour next door. He nods at me (he's a farang - cool guy) and we understand each other...perfectly.
  10. I've met Belgian Boy. He's remarkably unlike his online persona. I was left with a positive impression.
  11. ^ Bloody hell - that's all over the place, sorry. I keep getting interrupted and losing my train of thought. Damn this age of 'communication'.
  12. I thank you, Dave. A very gracious and thoughtful reply to my post last night which was, I assure you, in the spirit of debate and discussion as you've detected. Thanks for that! Foiled again! I was sensible to the fact that - as elef pointed out - the topic was dealing with the future and not the past. The thing is, I can't address one without reference to the other; perhaps a personal foible. It's like giving the punchline without hearing the joke. I found myself being drawn to that very foreign country where they do things differently. In my defence, surely a human enough weakness particularly as one gets older. I've always thought that this site was the classier end of the Thai discussion boards. I still do. I remember well - and much to my embarrassment - that when I visited Thailand as a tourist I felt frustrated by the Thailand residents on the board and their obsession with the mundane. "How can you live here and not be down in Nana Plaza every weekend? Are you mad?", I thought. Crazy people! Oh, how I squirm now (my biggest concern today being two mango trees that really need trimming down before the end of the week...) But! And I have to say this now in case someone reads this and thinks 'oh, no, here we go': the magic and the feel of those days is still there for me. I probably visit that Thailand only as often as I did 8 years ago. It's still as good, still as much of a mystery, still as thrilling and surprising and still - importantly - still a whole world away. I'm not just talking about sex and hookers. There's not a town in Thailand where that can't be found if that's a deal breaker. It won't be. I could not care less. I have mango trees. Bangkok still fills the senses. The air is still that Bangkok air. The buildings still impress. That man with the goitre on his neck still sells giant Zippos in Soi 4 (surely?) Chequers is still a great place for a free read of the Daily Mail and a pretty good breakfast, and so on... That's what I could not have - and quite rightly should not have - 'got' in Gulliver's when I rushed from the 'plane to the hotel and straight out just in case Bangkok disappeared. And that's what the guys who listened to my excitement understood. And they just smiled and changed the subject. Thanks, fellas! So, when I get fractious about the site - having my little whinge and my little moan in my whinging, moaning little English way - digging deep I'm not really mourning the demise of a website, I'm having a little weep for my own past. Proust never had a hamburger in Woodstock. Fact. And those bloody trees need doing or they'll have all the power lines out if they come down in the next storm.
  13. Well, nobody is going to pay membership fees now are they? As an aside - isn't it strange that Google (Don't be Evil) is now the arbiter of what is or isn't morally acceptable and everybody shits themselves in case some kids in California don't like it? I have no ideas, elef. Seriously. I'm a user of websites same as every other person in the world, and I've never paid a penny to use any of 'em (except for $50 for nanaplaza.com a decade ago which was a purely techie problem as we needed a new server. Does not count. I wasn't appeasing the gods of Google.) I just see other sites thriving whilst this one is on the ropes. Pattaya Ladyboys seems to do okay. Take the piss if you like, but the fact is that it has its niche and it has its advertisers and it has its active posting community so that indicates that they havesomething worked out to pay for the bandwidth. Surely something as 'outrageous' as a site dedicated to transexual prostitution could not survive? But it does. So why not a site that contains some discussion of the straight scene? "Oooh, Google won't like it." For real? And since when was even nanaplaza.com dedicated to bars, go-go's and the latest closing times of Thermae? It never was. I would have walked away from it after enough visits to know where to go and how much to pay. The nightlife information was there, sure it was, but it was never the raison d'etre of the site. Never,never, never. That would have been boring. I spent more time on there talking about the Velvet Underground than I ever did asking about the Vulvic Underworld. Christ, how long has Stickman been going now? 14 years? Stickman has his readers, old and new, all this despite the site looking like a Wolverhampton school IT project from 1997. I don't see him rattling his tin outside Tesco Lotus. It ain't about Google, dude. It really isn't.
  14. How Can We (Re-)Activate The Board? I pop in only occasionally these days, but I've always thought the answer wasn't that difficult: change the bloody name. Thai360, my arse. That's where it all went wrong. Thai360 sounds like the sort of site I would go to if I wanted a 24-hour plumber in Banchang. The 'non-standard' forum format is off-putting. Cliques. The site might just be perceived as a closed club, with an elite who are allowed to do things that the hoi-polloi cannot. That sponsor crap? Lose it. It breaks my heart to see the once dominant nanaplaza.com reduced to a small in -crowd repeating in-jokes that are years out of date, and weren't even funny the first time. Sorry, tell me again, it's hilarious - Old Hippie does gay tests on people and situations. (Nurse! Quickly...yeah, it's the old rib problem again.) Once the membership dwindled then the field became open to some seriously weird people that would have been given short shrift normally; dreamers who have been allowed to indulge their on-line fantasies with frankly risible accounts of their lives in Thailand. The Munchmaster is the only poster that hammers these people. (Re-)Activate The Board? Re-think, redesign and re-launch. There is a niche there. Pitch it some notches above Teak Door (the warrant dodgers) but without the primness of Thai Visa (the coffin dodgers.) Oh, and Friday meets? It would help if when members see a strange face then they might just go out of their way to say 'hi'. I went to a couple at Gulliver's and felt a bit awkward until I spoke to M. otherwise I would have been out of there quicker than you can say knife. "So, who are you on the board?" "Oh, I don't say." Seriously. Like this fella is CIA or something? Get to fuck!
  15. Oh, Sayjann! I'm not in my dotage, you know! I mean that I live much the same as anyone else would do if they wished to keep their sanity. It's all about compartmentalisation (!) Or summat. There's 'normal' life - work, bills, Tesco Lotus, water the plants, cooking decent farang food, checking out the internet, watching TV, taking a walk in the early evening, chatting with the neighbours, acknowledging Christmas cards, cleaning the fishtank...normal shit, yeah? And then... And then there's that wee whisper in my ear; it's that little black monkey that I haven't fed for a while... I know that voice. Hmmm... . PATTAYA! YEAH!!!!!!! . Apparently.
  16. Good advice. 'My' dogs are actually the street dogs. You know how it is. Anyway, quite often they are allowed in the front, particularly during rainy season for the express purpose of snake-catching. I have a jungley piece of spare land next to me and snakes come over the wall to escape the deluge. I get fed up of moaning at people to close the bloody screen doors behind them; that's what they are there for. Thais are worse than farang in my house for this. Should one of the little - or big - bastards get in then I have a number to call. It's the local snake-catcher! Actually he's one of the m/c guys at the 'win' at the end of the village. Great excitement usually ensues. Snake at falang's. Falang has beer. Snake party. As I say, you know how it is...
  17. Good to see you, Red. Don't be a stranger now. Believe me, whenever I go to Pattaya these days it still feels as though I am 'stepping outside of myself.' As you saw, my life here is pretty staid, steady and 'normal' (!) and that place really shakes my psyche. I'm sorry - I only realised after you had all left that I never did get around to making that bloody pizza. I had some lovely dough as well. Next time, okay?
  18. Er..no offence, but that photo? Whatever the ins and outs of it...? It's uncomfortable viewing. Dont make me spell it out, please.
  19. It helps - but Christ it tastes like shit. Very Milk of Magnesia. Hair of the dog. That'll do the trick.
  20. Soi Zero - underneath the arches...
  21. I feel your pain. But as a member of the liberal elite I feel I have a duty to spell properly. We are victims who have been unfairly targeted by the media. But do we retreat? Hell no. We reload. We keep grammar in the crosshairs. Our fingers are on the trigger. Lock and load you betcha. If Sarah becomes president I believe spelling can only improve across this great nation. It's a miracle!!! Ah, chuckwoww! You are very naughty.
  22. Well, to be honest, he looks like a bit of a bruiser. The sort of chap you'd expect to be standing outside a club in the Reeperbahn or something. I know what you're getting at though! My other thoughts have been along the lines that he probably doesn't know that his ma-in-law might be helping herself to his stock to make a bit of pin money. But, you know the score here. "I know nothing." I was upstairs collecting fares, guv'nor. The maid is my firewall.
  23. My next door neighbour is a wine importer. German guy. Don't see him often. We are on nodding terms but it was his missus that dropped a catalogue off a few months ago together with a couple of bottles of very nice Chateau Can't Remember free, gratis and for nothing. So, anyway - I've ringed a few bottles in the list just before Christmas as I wanted to treat myself. All were in the 1200 - 1500 baht bracket. He does some good shit for that price. Then the maid (who gabs with the said guy's mother-in-law over the wall all day, most days) decided to 'help' and informed me that she'd put the order in and that it was only 1100 baht to hand over, which I dutifully did and crossed it off my 'to do' list. What could go wrong, eh? Well, I ended up with a fucking demi-john:5 litres - of Merlot. Maid was obviously thinking that this was a good deal! After all, stupid Carew was going to spend more than that on just one measly bottle. Falangs, eh? Ah, well - so I unscrewed the cap (!) on Boxing Day and to be honest the first few glasses were pretty drinkable considering. The day after of course, I was the proud owner of 4.5 litres of really good vinegar! Upside - my sauces and stuff have been boosted since, but I've been even using it in 'mop' marinades when I've been barbecuing! It's one of those 'culture clashes'. The lass thought she was doing good so I haven't the heart to get grumpy. This time.
  24. Don't quote me,. Chuck - but I'm watching Fox now! (Charles Krauthammer is my hero)
  25. Then the Buddhist handed over 10 dollars and waited and waited and waited until the hot-dog vendor said, "Change comes from within..."
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