JaiRai

They keep the sidewalks clear now in the daytime. Street vendors set up around 6pm and have a limited window till about midnight or so, after that the sidewalk bars set up shop. Not as many as there were before but they are there - and stay open till around 4 to 5am. Not many lookers. Nana plaza is dying out, most of the gogo bars (exception spankys and rainbow bars) are desperate for punters. Beer bars... it depends. Big dogs should be called stray dogs now. The Hillary bars still pack them in, Hillary 2 is actually more popular than it was before and stays open till 5.

Here's one Mekong will appreciate. My dream would be to rewrite the song in Thai, make it about the motosai -- and release it in the land of shit-eating grins. http://youtu.be/u6YMAvfwTFo

gotta do something with this shite.

Note: Excuse the blatant Grammar and spelling errors, one day I'll stop being a lazy cunt and will learn to proofread. I'm not a story teller but exploring it - if you have any feedback on what works and what doesn't let me know (e.g. 'this sucks and so do you,' 'god awful,' 'i just printed your story so i had something to wipe my ass with,' etc.). Going out of town for a work project today and return on the weekend. Will wrap this tale up when I get back.

I don't think you're getting old sir, you're right. After 10 days I was sick of the nightlife in Bangkok. Douchebaggery was on the rise - more hooligan types in the bars, and the typical pooying was less attractive, middle aged, hardened, more mercenary. And that's when I was drinking, haha. God forbid I ever hit the bars sober. More than anything I became irritated with myself, I'm often critical of my friends for doing the same routine every night yet I am just as guilty. Too lazy to leave the comfort zone. Fuck that.

Squint my eyes and look around to make sure. She is gone. I circle the temple grounds. Circle them again. Then, walk the street. I retrace our steps as best I can but I cannot find her home or soi. Ging. The cherry blossoms. The night before. The past several days. All illusion??? I no longer know. I guess I never really did. It builds until it's too much. The pang of loneliness, loss. I sit right down on the curb, can't move. Don't care. Life reduced to a sense of resignation. I remain there motionless until the suns go down, indifferent to the points and stares. My phone goes off several times, I shut it off. The sun rises. Food vendors push their carts out for the morning crowd and a hunched over Khmer woman stands across the street looking at me. After a few moments I look right back at her hoping she'll turn away and focus elsewhere. She doesn't. I can sense her concentrating her stare right at me for several minutes. "WHAT?" I mouth without speaking. The loneliness and resignation is turning into something else. Irritation. I stand up and see the faint trace of a smile on the Khmer woman, she nods her head towards a small soi to her right motioning me to go there. Then she leaves. Hmmm. The irritation subsides but in place is a sense of defiance. Defiance against fate, or whatever you want to call it. Losing my mind or not, I want to know what the fuck is going on. I make towards the soi when I hear a "there he is" behind me. I turn around to see Kan and Malee riding in a Tuk Tuk. They stop, give the driver a lot of baht, and walk over. Ken is not fucking happy. "We've been driving all over the old city the past couple hours thinking something bad happened asshole, we even checked with the police. Why haven't you returned any of our calls or SMS? I'm serious Dan." He shoots out the words in a machine gun cadence. "Lets sit down somewhere" I say, and amble over to a cafe. It lies at the head of the soi the Khmer woman was guiding me toward. Ken follows with a grudge in his eye, Malee rubs his shoulders. I decide not to bullshit and tell them everything that happened since I left their home. Well, almost everything. Kens looks a bit disgusted and I can tell he either thinks I've completely lost the plot, or I'm making shit up. But Malee is engaged and alert, she keeps nodding her head wanting more information. Finally she interrupts me -- "the old woman was motioning towards this soi? lets look." Ken just shakes his head. As we head down the soi there's nothing unusual. It's just a bit run down but nothing special. And then I see it. The same mouse head that was there when I first blacked out on Ratchada, when all this started... The soi itself is has a sense of the familiar. I become 100% in tune to the environment, looking everything over as if trying to locate the lost piece of a jigsaw puzzle. Malee calls me over "Danny, what was the number the tuk tuk driver gave you in Bangkok?" I look it up on my phone: “053219490†She points. In front of her is a beat up sign. Ken's eyes widen and Malee nods - "Danny, I have a question."

"Wait, wait a second.." I say. "who are you? what's your name?" "Parisa Janghuarinakawn" she replies with a subtle smile. "Haha - I mean what name do people call you?" "You can call me Ning. Khun la? Khun cheu arai?" "Daniel." "Danyun. Pii Danyun kaaaaa - is that how you like the girls to say it?" her smile gets a little devious. "Oh boy." Ning holds a lit candle and walks me outside. In front of the home sits a large cherry tree in full blossom. A "wow" slips out before I even start processing. "beautiful no?" she asks. Up to now I've been ignoring the events of the past couple days. Filing under some strange side effect of exhaustion (dear god please don't let it be dementia). The blackouts, the weirdness - I didn't know what to do with it all. These things don't quite fit into my framework of how the world works. But now I'm overwhelmed and start to shake. I feel her arms come around me, warm moist breath on my neck. "It's Ok Pii Danyun." she leads me back into the house and up to her room. There's an awkward moment where we just look at each other... For several hours our bodies are intertwined, I lose cognizance of time. More than that - I lose myself. Awareness of who I am is stripped away, exposed. Some moments I cling to her for dear life, strange as that sounds. Eventually, she's laughing and ready to go outdoors and feel the sun. I notice a peculiar tattoo on her left side, hidden by her arm. I point at it - "what does that mean?" "That's nothing Pii Danyun... come on, ja bpai gin kaao, get up, ab nam!" Without showering I follow her outside, her scent on my skin and clothes. "First, there's one more thing I want to show you Pii Danyun" "Okay." I follow her down several sois to a temple, and she brings me to something like an ancient face. Her demeanor grows much more serious as she lights incense. I close my eyes for just a moment. When I open them she is gone.

I walk along the moat in dead silence. Not a soul here. Everything dark, covered in snow. A light at the end of a small soi catches my eye and I begin towards it. Coming into focus now I see an old vacant home, just out front a cherry tree in blossom, its flowers give off an ephemeral glow. A large lizard perches on the branches above. I walked beneath and it leaps at me with an intense ferocity -- Whoa. Strange dream. Snow in Chiang Mai... haha. I reach for the lamp on the nightstand and it isn't there. Still dreaming? Then I remember, I've spent the night at Ken and Malee's place. 4:00am. Dressed and went outside for a cigarette and a short walk. Can see a crowd congregating outside, just up from the Thapae gate. I'll go that way. After a few moments I can see it's drunk Farangs spilling out into the street from Spicy's, the Chiang Mai after hours club. A Thai woman dressed in a simple skirt and blouse passes me on the left and it catches my attention. She is rather plain from a distance with no make up and rather conservative in appearance but -- but, when she is close you glimpse an understated beauty that is potent. I know her from somewhere. She walks through the crowd in front of me, catching the attention of a few hooligans groping random freelancers. The three of them, loud boorish and dumb, were having the time of their lives at the expense of everyone else. When the cretin in charge of the pack puts his hands on her she slaps him, hard. His former expression of condescending amusement transforms to a sadistic anger. And then it gets worse when he looks up to see me chuckling. The three of them amble over. "Something funny mate?" "nope" "why don't you share with us" He's leaning in and in my face. he's got about 15cm and 15kg on me, not to mention back up. Sigh. I keep walking, he grabs my arm and escalates. "You're a rude cunt aren't you?" "nope, just tired" "where you from rude cunt?" "Luxembourg" I keep walking. "rude fucking comedian wanker cunt - where you going?" he runs around and plants himself in my path. this is not going to go well. I try to maneuver around but the three stooges won't allow it. The leader gives me a shove and one of his mates has his foot just behind me and I take a fall. I stand back up as they laugh. "sorry" i say. "what you sorry for rude cunt?" I look away and close my eyes. I picture myself as a flash of lightning, and with what speed and force I can muster bring an elbow back into his gut. The leader doubles over in surprise and pain, the companions bringing up their arms to strike. I take off at a full sprint and think I'm going to make it - then trip over a jutting piece of concrete in my path. Pain shoots through the knee that took the brunt of the fall. In less than a millisecond the 3 are around me kicking as I ball up for protection, when a loud female scream pierces the air "Stop it!" Someone else yells "Police!" and just like that the 3 are gone. I've got a banged up knee and some awful bruises, but could've been much worse. I feel a hand on my shoulder and a quiet voice instructs "come with me." It's the Thai woman from before. She leads me away from the area down a side soi. A short distance away we arrive at a very old home. She lights a candle and I notice that there's no electricity at all in this building. Oh no, I'm in the hippie zone. She gives me a cool wet cloth to wipe my face off and says "I want to show you something."

Landed Chiang Mai. Booked taxi at the kiosk, asked for the Thapae gate (Ken's place is a couple blocks away). On the way there called him - surprise, he answered on the first ring. "Hey Daniel-san - how's it going" 'Daniel-san' was an inside joke at me and reference to the 'Karate Kid,' it also indicated he was playing around. What the heck? "dude, what the fuck happened earlier? - you ok?" "What are you talking about???" Now I was irritated. "This afternoon when you called and got disconnected, I tried to called back - thought something was wrong. Serious." "Dan, I haven't called anyone. Malee and I been hiking a trail to Wat Pha Lat all day, didn't even have the phone with me till half an hour ago" ............ awkward silence. "Dan, you still there?" "Yeah. Something fucked up is going on" Got to his place. Relayed the day's events. Ken looked at me like I was full on fucking crazy, and then called Malee into the conversation. She wanted the number given to me by the Tuk Tuk driver. Most people knew Malee as an art instructor. We knew her as someone heavily into numerology and 'that spiritual stuff' (as Ken liked to put it). I couldn't find the napkin given to me by mr Tuk Tuk, but no worries, I'd called the number also out of curiosity (and got some sort of auto shop), still had it in the phone log. Meaningless. I gave it to her - “053219490.†She nodded and said "uh huh... you are in trouble" "what is it???" "this is definitely... definitely..." "DEFINITELY WHAT?????" "definitely...a phone number" and she started laughing. sigh. god damnit. Ken and Malee were now having a hushed conversation between themselves. Then, "We think you should rest Danny." In short order I was given a glass of Scotch and a valium. Lit a cigarette... and faded.

As I lay in the open lot on Ratchada, burning under the hot sun & clawing back up through the murky fog that had set up shop in my mind -- the phone rang. It was Ken, a reserved and conservative Japanese business associate in Chiang Mai who had become a close friend over several years. I answered, just a wee bit groggy. "Hey Ken... sorry mate, can I call you back later? got a strange fucking situation going on down here" His reply was a strained whisper fading off. "Danny..." Now I'm alert. I dusted myself off and started walking to find a taxi as I spoke. "Ken, you OK?" There was some mumbling at the other end that I could not make out. "Ken?... Ken??" A click and silence. Called back, no answer. Repeated several times and left a couple urgent voicemails. Nothing. Had a nagging in my gut that this was serious. Waved down a taxi, then another, then another. After a half dozen "mai bpai" finally found one willing to go to Don Mueang in rush hour. That's right, Don Mueang. Fuck it, going to Chiang Mai. Went to the Nok Air booth at DM, got my ticket for the next flight out - 6:20pm. The alarm and fear I felt about today's earlier weirdness were repressed in lieu of the threat to a friend. It's good to be reminded sometimes that you're still human. And nature was just about to give me another reminder of my humanity -- while headed over to my departure gate I felt it, and 'IT' was coming on strong. Why oh why did I eat Som Tam from the street this morning? I made my way to the restroom with a quickness reserved for Olympians and slid into the nearest stall without bothering to wipe down the seat. Whew. Relief. Much better. And then I looked up and saw the writing. "094912350" on the back of the stall door, scrawled just above a creepy mouse head. It's not the same number I thought - you're being paranoid Danny - whatever. Then I realized it was in fact the same. Fuck. Fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. The pressure began at the base of my skull working its way up. And the white noise... When I came to I was seated on a plane in mid flight on the way to Chiang Mai. A concerned stewardess leaned in to me pressing a moist towelette on my forehead. She made eye contact and gave a sigh of relief - "Ohhhh, happy you alright, before I think you mai-sabai" "Jing-lahw?" I asked. She then spoke quick in broken Thaiglish to explain. It seems I had gotten on the plane acting a little funny and mumbling nonsense, then became non responsive in my seat. She was about to alert her boss. I had no recollection of anything described but reassured her anyway. "Yes - I'm sabai dii, no problem, sorry you scare." But the truth was a different matter. I was way past alarmed now. I was somewhere else. And as I gazed out the passenger window of the plane, a storm raged below. I was about to go down into it.

"If your ego starts out, 'I am important, I am big, I am special,' you're in for some disappointments when you look around at what we've discovered about the universe. No, you're not big. No, you're not. You're small in time and in space. And you have this frail vessel called the human body that's limited on Earth." -Neil deGrasse Tyson It was a Wednesday I believe, towards the beginning of April. One of those hot lazy afternoons where you have the aircon full blast and a cold fucking heineken in hand, seeking out some escape from the oppressive and dirty ways of mother nature. Tablet in hand I went to peruse the interwebs and turned my attention to this forum. There I saw a peculiar posting and clicked on it — it brought me to an empty page. http://t2.thai360.com/index.php?/topic/62850-deleted-wrong-section/ As I chuckled to myself the network connection was lost and something akin to the white noise on a non-functional TV channel populated my screen. Odd. And then, everything got a bit fuzzy. The next thing I remember is lying in a vacant lot on some long stretch of Ratchada Road. ‘How the fuck did I get here!?’ A Tuk Tuk driver pulled over, I thought to give me help - - but no, and handed me a crumpled up napkin. wtf. I called out for him to wait but he scurried off into the afternoon heat. Sweat started to ooze and went to use the napkin to wipe my face off, and that’s when I saw it on the napkin, the number. “053219490†was scrawled in green crayon. What’s this - a massage parlor phone number or something? I stuck the napkin into my shirt pocket and looked around to get a better sense of my immediate surroundings. I could see that moments before I was sprawled just below a graffiti laden wall bordering the vacant lot. Alright this is getting weird — in a bad way. WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON. And what’s up with the strange mouse graffiti? As I scrutinized the painting the heat began to get the better of me. Sheer exhaustion compounded by sweat dripping into my eyes and… What happened next would change my life forever.

Alright, so I write a little dumb and fragmented when ‘mao'… so be it. If it started as a joke, it ended the same, sans punchline. Rolling back out to the real world today. Too much time around the Bangkok nightlife areas will turn your brain to mush. Hyper saturation of alcohol and women against an uncritical backdrop where every guy thinks they are just the greatest. You know it’s bad when something on TV is more appealing. (The nice lass - not being sarcastic, she’s genuinely good hearted - I’ve spent the past couple days with just left in a tizzy as she was trying to get my attention but I was more interested in watching Pacquiao/Mayweather on channel 7. So be it yet again). Some nightlife areas are thriving, many are not. The places I typically find myself despite colleagues protest otherwise - late nights and live music, Bangkok Beat, Hillary 2, Climax — still doing very well. At times annoyingly so. But the shit gets old fast. Same women, same bullshit lines/stories, same gullible tourists and even worse —> know-it-all douchebag ‘experts.' I think it was someone here who once told me that when in Bangkok you have to compromise a little and befriend people you likely wouldn’t back home. My reply to that… oh fuck no. Not interested. Have a handful of friends here both falang/thai and they are people I would respect and feel affection for anywhere. Other than that - going Kon Diao. And while I have no issue with boozing or womanizing, enjoy both — a lot, am seriously fucking disappointed that I have not done more while here. Kinda fucking dumb. Will be back. And it will be time to move on a bit. And, as for those wacky nightlife areas - sure every now and then it’s interesting, but def not every night - gets boring. There’s a lot in the country that’s appealing juxtaposed against an overwhelming apathy and prejudice, but without a doubt life is more challenging and interesting for me in Thailand than in beautiful Southern California. Yet... still would not make it a life time commitment. Fuck it. We shall see.

the idea of leaving bangkok and going to udon that is. after receiving a series of random unusual sms.... usually i tell women i am dead broke, absolutely penniless - as a means to avoid. sometimes you get an unusual response like the one from pui - a somewhat crazy and memorable lass from bangkok beat. nevertheless, i'm only here for a few weeks so...ummm.... what???? or this note from Gee, a self professed nice girl met at Climax at 3am. she supposedly worked a kiosk at terminal, i never checked to verify. she did get my heart thumping.... but whatever. then there was the bonafide crazy woman i met at insanity club - also probably about 3am - who topped out missed calls at 99 and kept going. holy fuck - that did it. i'm going to udon. and so i sent a few email dispatches to my friends from udon ---- alright - after making a friggin circle of the bars - omg - goodness gracious i need to head back to bangkok. this is like a fucking awful scene - the girls are atrocious. i think i saw one cutey and prayed she was indicative of the rest. she wasn't. good god. i think i'm going to wake up early and just schedule a flight back to bangkok. i mean there are a few bars here - but most of the girls are older and heavier than i am. and they wear a ton of perfume.... HELP ME!!!! the bars close at midnight. i'm actually in the throes of depression. i'll make one more cycle around 10pm and then call it. 97% odds will be solo. well hey, at least i got a night's rest right. ---- going to cm soon. here's how much i go back and forth or rush to judgment -- went back out for one last walk of the nightlife area last night and stopped to play pool at a corner bar of this area called "day/night". girls were friendly and funny, nobody i was really into but hey... anyway some other girl then shows up out of nowhere who is like 90% my style (30, hard athletic body wearing daisy dukes and a cut off tank top - life truly got good). name of ***. long story short - stayed there and racked up a 3k baht bar tab (which ain't easy in udon, that's a lot of drinks for several people), but those girls had a good night and I didn't care. i hook up with *** and she takes me to some place called Mr. Tongs. now you gotta see this place to believe it. Udon is def not bangkok, but Mr Tongs is like some upscale LA club on the inside and the staff are all dressed up and ultra professional and courteous. it was just a strange phenomenon but a strange enough place that you gotta see it - small but a lot of almost baccarra-esque type girls dressed up and hanging around. and this was def after hours. anyway tonight she's taking me to some thai bars, should be interesting. yeah, i stayed in udon and didn't go back to bangkok. straight punk." ----- alright so it panned out kinda weird in udon. when i sent you guys the last email good ol' *** had gone home and i was going to meet her later and then take off for some straight thai places - not another falang in sight. that was the plan. except starting a few hours later she called me like 13 times while i was trying to sleep - when i didn't answer she showed up at my hotel room un-announced. whoa - i don't like that. way too pushy and possessive for someone i haven't even known a full 24 hours. so then i'm regretting it - and once again thailand turns me into a liar (i know - no excuse - it's lame). i make up some story that i hurt my back falling down the stairs at work a couple weeks ago and i can't sleep or hardly move. she offers to stay blah blah blah but i insist - no, i really need some sleep and rest - and she finally leaves. what sucks is - the whole bar area in udon is so small i can't possibly go out to any of them and have her not know about it. so i just stayed in. fucking punk again. and she shows up again at the hotel - drunk - at like 11pm. dafuqqqqqqqqq anyway - just got to chiang mai -------- yeah. to be continued. and to paraphrase the great confucius: "play that funky music white boy"

No worries lad. Always a relief to see like minded good citizens ready with the mobile camera. Take for instance last week as I sat peacefully enjoying a beer at Country Road only to witness the abject menace of some wayward motosai drivers causing a ruckus with the unwary passers by.. http://youtu.be/bbJReWHnwNc alas, when i approached the leader of this ad hoc welcome committee to engage in a philosophical discourse on thainess, well... http://youtu.be/ojGPboNsNB4 point. counter-point.

6. You shall accomplish something and arrive somewhere.

how would you do that -- like this? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BJ0If4qyHes

Ironically, i get that same impression when people "tham bap." It's a crazy mixed up world.

unfortunately i have a propensity towards exaggeration and aggrandizing when under the influence. Along with being cringeworthy. Have made my own rules of behavior while here in thailand (and in general). These aren't applicable to my persona on this forum. On occasion all rules overwritten. rule 1: don't be an idiot 2: be low key, softspoken 3: stick to the golden rule, treat others like you want to be treated 4: go slow, don't rush, chill

bangkok missy law? i still haven't decided if you're an actual puu-ying or yet another dipshit expat trying to fake it. maybe. flash kinda vouched for you. anyway - you show up on the user list - so you might as well post. fuck all the thailand geniuses. say your piece - you're probably wrong - but... hey. aren't we all in the long run.

indeed. did i mention how much i really love3 posting drunk. so MUCH MORE satisfaction than sober. ok - before i was drunk... now it's more like 40% drunk - kinda boring i know. i even thought about going back and correcting myself - fixing all those embarrassing errors - but.... i saw the elegance of your declaration sir. for emphasis. i need a t-shirt with that shit on it no doubt.