Mekong

It seems Teddy recieved the same emails as I did yesterday.

21) Ah, beer. The cause of and the solution to all of life's problems. Homer Simpson

Some good ones in there Flash, I liked The presumed deceased part made me laugh,

Touche

ijs5 joke reminded me of this old one An Englishman an Irishman and A Scotsman went to a Brothel in Amsterdam and were told that the going rate was â?¬25 / inch. A couple of hours later after doing the dirty deed they were chatting to each other outside, the Englishman said " Not bad for â?¬200" the Irishman, somewhat bragging said" I paid â?¬250" then the Scotsman added "Well I only paid â?¬75" The Englishman and Irish looked at the Scotsman and burst out laughing â?¬75 ha ha ha, the Scotsman replied "I don't know what you're both laughing at, I paid on the way out"

Following the death of Pavarotti the Three Tenors will now be known as 20 Quid!

Just Teasing ... Being a "Professional Pedantic Asshole" is part of my job description and it has been one of those days today. Rather than let off steam here I think I will take the 200 Meter stroll down Soi AR and into Soi 6 instead, having digs in Pattaya for work sure beats anywhere I ever was in the ME

No, they are at the ticket office

I did not Laugh due to the poor delivery of the (non) joke Now if you Laughed it must be your sense of humour that is in question, or maybe ones lack of ability to comprehend the written word in front of you.

Line 5 was Outbound Journey, I see that The alledged joke is about the return journey

OK lets put it in simple English Tickets Please as a stand alone punchline is not funny but could be considered funny. But since there were Scots in each restroom where did one of the Scots go to knock on the Door of the Englismens restroom, they were not even on the Train!

Always proof read your punchline ... its what makes a joke work!

Before Marriage...... Boy: Yes. At last! It was so hard to wait. Girl: Do you want me to leave? Boy: No! Don't even think about it. Girl: Do you love me? Boy: Of course! Over and over! Girl: Have you ever cheated on me? Boy: No! Why are you even asking? Girl: Will you kiss me? Boy: Every chance I get! Girl: Will you hit me? Boy: Are you crazy? I'm not that kind of person! Girl: Can I trust you? Boy: Yes. Girl: Darling! After marriage...simply read from bottom to top.

There was also the real bar at the back, by real I mean concrete built inside bar with Air-con Pool Tables TV's etc owned by a Scotish guy (I won't mention his name) who before he bought it used to be a regular in Jools. Some of you may know him. I often wonder what happened to him after that.

Chris, The dignified way that you are handling the situation, and the odd asshole who crawls out of the mud, gives myself (and I assume others) a new outlook on life. Seeing you handle your situation so well makes me realise that all my "alledged problems" are so insignificant. This thread primary is about your condition, but I bet that it has made many people stop and think and to revalue their own lives / situation. Power to you son, your openess has been an inspiration. PS Arsenal Will be nowhere near the Mighty Man United this season ... I have to keep it jovial.

Chris, :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: What a very dignified reply. I was tempted to write a reply to that last night, but thought better of posting whilst drunk. I am glad I waited, your reply carried a lot more than anything I may of posted would have done. Power to you.

I am not sure of the current situation now in the UK but in the late 80's early 90's the "Have you ever had a HIV test?" was a question on Life Assurance and Mortgage (House Loan) application forms. The fact is having a HIV test is the requirement to obtaining a Visa to many countries especially in the Middle East

It was a Superior American Duck ... why don't you believe it I must admit I am still chuckling at Munchies "Nissan Main Dealer" Joke, that was funny.

JS, I can't even begin to imagine what thoughts are running through your head right now. I can't add more to what the other guys have said, but if it is bad news then fortunately you are in a place where antiviral drugs are available and in 2007 a lot more is known about HIV than there was 20 years ago. I remember "My Scare" a few years ago, after splitting up from the ex-wife here in Thailand I had a Hedonistic 12 months and eventually got my life back on the rails and looked for work again. I was offered a job in the Middle East and had to fly to UK for a medical, 4 hours later I got a phone call telling me "there is a problem with your blood sample" but they would not tell me what it was, 72 hours later it was a relief to be told my Alpha-Gamma Count was too high (Signs of Alcoholism) Stay Positive mate!

A guy stuck his head into a barber shop and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, "About 2 hours." The guy left. A few days later the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around at the shop and said, "About 3 hours." The guy left. A week later the same guy stuck his head in the shop and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around the shop and said, "About an hour and half." The guy left. The barber turned to a friend and said, "Hey, Bill, do me a favor. Follow that guy and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but then he doesn't ever come back." A little while later, Bill returned to the shop, laughing hysterically. The barber asked, "So where does that guy go when he leaves?" Bill looked up, tears in his eyes and said, "Your house."

A Liverpool fan walks past a shop and sees the video "Liverpool - The Glory Years". He goes into the shop and asks how much. "£100" says the shopkeeper. "That's a bit steep, how come it's so dear ??" "Well its a tenner for the video and £90 for the Betamax recorder!!

The new Liverpool manager sent scouts out around the world looking for a new striker who will hopefully help Liverpool win the title. One of the scouts informs him of a young Iraqi striker who he thinks will turn out to be a superstar. The Liverpool manager flies to Baghdad to watch him and is suitably impressed and arranges for him to come over to Anfield. Two weeks later Liverpool are 4-0 down to Manchester United with only 20 minutes left to play. The manager gives the young Iraqi striker the nod and on he goes. The lad is a sensation, scores 5 in 20 minutes and wins the game for Liverpool. The fans are delighted, the players and coaches are delighted and the media love the new star. When the player comes off the pitch he phones his Mum to tell her about his first day in English football. "Hello Mum, guess what?" he says, "I played for 20 minutes today. We were 4-0 down but I scored 5 and we won. Everyone loves me, the fans, the media, they all love me." "Wonderful," says his Mum, "Let me tell you about my day. Your father got shot in the street, your sister and I were ambushed and beaten, and your brother has joined a gang of looters, all whilst you were having a great time." The young lad is very upset, "What can I say Mum, but I'm SO sorry." "Sorry!" says his mum, "It's your fault we moved to Liverpool in the first place!"

A contractor dies in a car accident on his 40th birthday and finds himself at the Pearly Gates. A brass band is playing, the Angels are singing a beautiful hymn, there is a huge crowd cheering and shouting his name and absolutely everyone wants to shake his hand. Just when he thinks things can't possibly get any better, Saint Peter himself runs over,apologizes for not greeting him personally at the pearly gates, shakes his hand and says 'Congratulations son, we've been waiting a long time for you! Totally confused and a little embarrassed, the contractor sheepishly looks at Saint Peter and says 'Saint Peter, I tried to lead a God fearing life, I loved my family, I tried to obey the 10 Commandments, but congratulations for what? I honestly don't remember doing anything really special when I was alive.' 'Congratulations for what?' says Saint Peter, totally amazed at the man's modesty. 'We're celebrating the fact that you lived to be 160 years old! God himself wants to see you!' The contractor is awestruck and can only look at Saint Peter with his mouth agape. When he regains his power of speech, he looks up at Saint Peter and says 'Saint Peter, I lived my life in the eternal hope that when I died I would be judged by God and be found to be worthy, but I only lived to be forty.' 'That's simply impossible son,' says Saint Peter. 'We've added up your time sheets.'

Three times a Day and Flossing