Palatkik
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Posts posted by Palatkik
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The Big Sick [2017]
A cleverly written romcom based on the true story of an Asian stand up comic in the US has enough originality to make it memorable for those who can stomach the genre.
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Whilst having sex the guy suddenly stopped & didn't move.
The girlfriend asks "What are you doing?". He said "I've seen this online, it's called buffering".
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An Irish couple took in an 18-year-old girl as a lodger. She asked
if she could have a bath, but the woman of the house told her they
didn't have a bath, although if she wanted to, she could use a tin
bath in front of the fire.
"Monday's the best night, when ma husband goes oot to the darts," she said.
The girl agreed to have a bath the followingMonday.
After her husband had gone to the pub for his darts match, the woman
filled the bath and watched the girl get undressed. She was surprised
to see that the lass didn't have any pubic hair. She mentioned this to
her husband when he came home. He didn't believe her, so she said
"next Monday, when ye go oot to the darts, leave a wee bit early and
wait in the back garden. I'll leave a gap in the curtains so ye can
see for yourself."
So the following Monday, while the girl again got undressed, the wife
asked: "Dae you shave?"
"No," replied the girl. "I've just never grown any hair down there. Do
you have hair?"
"Oh, aye," said the woman, and she pulled up her nightdress and showed
the girl that she was really generously endowed in the hair
department... very generously indeed.
The girl finished her bath and went to bed.
Later that night, when the husband came in, the wife asked him, "Did ye see
it?"
"Aye," he said, "but why the hell did ye have to show her yours."
"Why ever are ye worried aboot that?" she said. "Ye've seen it often
enough before."
"I know," he said, "but the dart team hadn't!"
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1. ARBITRATOR: A cook that leaves Arby's to work at McDonalds
2. AVOIDABLE: What a bullfighter tries to do
3. BERNADETTE: The act of torching a mortgage
4. BURGLARIZE: What a crook sees with
5. CONTROL: A short, ugly inmate
6. COUNTERFEITERS: Workers who put together kitchen cabinets
7. ECLIPSE: What an English barber does for a living
8. EYEDROPPER: A clumsy ophthalmologist
9. HEROES: What a guy in a boat does
10. LEFTBANK: What the robber did when his bag was full of money
11. MISTY: How golfers create divots
12. PARADOX: Two physicians!!
13. PARASITES: What you see from the top of the Eiffel Tower
14. PHARMACIST: A helper on the farm
15. POLARIZE: What penguins see with
16. PRIMATE: Removing your spouse from in front of the TV!!
17. RELIEF: What trees do in the spring
18. RUBBERNECK: What you do to relax your wife
19. SELFISH: What the owner of a seafood store does
20. SUDAFED: Brought litigation against a government official
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It Comes At Night [2017]
An atmospheric and enthralling edge if the seat thriller of post-apocalyptic survival and family instincts.
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Capital letters. The difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse & helping your uncle jack off a horse.
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Maudi [2017]
Masterfully made and acted true story of an arthritic house maid of a loner fish peddler who finds some fame with her folk paintings in the open landscape of Nova Scotia. Worth watching.
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Killing Hasselhoff [2017]
Amateurish b-movie comedy self-parodying (and rightly so) the early characters of David Hasselhoff and his music, along the same lines as the Dave TV series Hoff The Record which was much better done.
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Paddy tells his wife “My bum hole is really burning, no idea what it is?â€
“Ring sting†his wife says.
Paddy replies “How the fck will he know?â€
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Wonder Woman [2017]
Available in HD download so free, I was curious why some reviews gave this high marks. Still confused as its utter rubbish, OTT CGI nonsense with some of the most vomit inducing dialogue.
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Geoffrey Giuliano ( Hollywood Actor, Writer, Fox News Chan) at Big C
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Customer: A nice bunch of flowers for the wife please
Florist: Certainly, sir. Are you looking for anything particular?
Customer: A blow job hopefully
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Mr Trump a tough guy cockney accent. No words were changed.
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In a Valley of Violence (2016)
A somewhat satirical and absurd homage to westerns of old like Tarantino might do, falls flat at times, but overall entertains.
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Captain Underpants: The First Epic Movie [2017]
50% Hero. 100% Cotton. Impossible to watch this animated caper without raising a laugh.
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Prick Up Your Ears [1987]
Amusing recently re-released DVD bio on the 50th anniversary of the violent death of London playwright Joe Orton set during the swinging 60’s. The title “Ears†is an anagram, which dictates the theme of this!
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Breaking news ....Autopsy just finished on Brucie. Official notice : Bruce Forsyth died of a seizure, nice to seizure, to seizure nice!!
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The top 15 funniest jokes from the Fringe 2017
1. "I'm not a fan of the new pound coin, but then again, I hate all change" - Ken Cheng
2. "Trump's nothing like Hitler. There's no way he could write a book" - Frankie Boyle
3. "I've given up asking rhetorical questions. What's the point?" - Alexei Sayle
4. "I'm looking for the girl next door type. I'm just gonna keep moving house till I find her" - Lew Fitz
5. "I like to imagine the guy who invented the umbrella was going to call it the 'brella'. But he hesitated" - Andy Field
6. "Combine Harvesters. And you'll have a really big restaurant" - Mark Simmons
7. "I'm rubbish with names. It's not my fault, it's a condition. There's a name for it..." - Jimeoin
8. "I have two boys, 5 and 6. We're no good at naming things in our house" - Ed Byrne
9. "I wasn't particularly close to my dad before he died... which was lucky, because he trod on a land mine" - Olaf Falafel
10. "Whenever someone says, 'I don't believe in coincidences.' I say, 'Oh my God, me neither!"' - Alasdair Beckett-King
11. "A friend tricked me into going to Wimbledon by telling me it was a men's singles event" - Angela Barnes
12. "As a vegan, I think people who sell meat are disgusting; but apparently people who sell fruit and veg are grocer" - Adele Cliff
13. "For me dying is a lot like going camping. I don't want to do it" - Phil Wang
14. "I wonder how many chameleons snuck onto the Ark" - Adam Hess
15. "I went to a Pretenders gig. It was a tribute act" - Tim Vine
Any New Jokes
in The board bar
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