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Palatkik

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Posts posted by Palatkik

  1. An Irish couple took in an 18-year-old girl as a lodger. She asked

    if she could have a bath, but the woman of the house told her they

    didn't have a bath, although if she wanted to, she could use a tin

    bath in front of the fire.

     

    "Monday's the best night, when ma husband goes oot to the darts," she said.

     

    The girl agreed to have a bath the followingMonday.

     

    After her husband had gone to the pub for his darts match, the woman

    filled the bath and watched the girl get undressed. She was surprised

    to see that the lass didn't have any pubic hair. She mentioned this to

    her husband when he came home. He didn't believe her, so she said

    "next Monday, when ye go oot to the darts, leave a wee bit early and

    wait in the back garden. I'll leave a gap in the curtains so ye can

    see for yourself."

     

    So the following Monday, while the girl again got undressed, the wife

    asked: "Dae you shave?"

     

    "No," replied the girl. "I've just never grown any hair down there. Do

    you have hair?"

     

    "Oh, aye," said the woman, and she pulled up her nightdress and showed

    the girl that she was really generously endowed in the hair

    department... very generously indeed.

     

    The girl finished her bath and went to bed.

     

    Later that night, when the husband came in, the wife asked him, "Did ye see

    it?"

     

    "Aye," he said, "but why the hell did ye have to show her yours."

     

    "Why ever are ye worried aboot that?" she said. "Ye've seen it often

    enough before."

     

    "I know," he said, "but the dart team hadn't!"

    • Like 1
  2. 1. ARBITRATOR: A cook that leaves Arby's to work at McDonalds

    2. AVOIDABLE: What a bullfighter tries to do

    3. BERNADETTE: The act of torching a mortgage

    4. BURGLARIZE: What a crook sees with

    5. CONTROL: A short, ugly inmate

    6. COUNTERFEITERS: Workers who put together kitchen cabinets

    7. ECLIPSE: What an English barber does for a living

    8. EYEDROPPER: A clumsy ophthalmologist

    9. HEROES: What a guy in a boat does

    10. LEFTBANK: What the robber did when his bag was full of money

    11. MISTY: How golfers create divots

    12. PARADOX: Two physicians!!

    13. PARASITES: What you see from the top of the Eiffel Tower

    14. PHARMACIST: A helper on the farm

    15. POLARIZE: What penguins see with

    16. PRIMATE: Removing your spouse from in front of the TV!!

    17. RELIEF: What trees do in the spring

    18. RUBBERNECK: What you do to relax your wife

    19. SELFISH: What the owner of a seafood store does

    20. SUDAFED: Brought litigation against a government official

  3. The top 15 funniest jokes from the Fringe 2017

     

    1. "I'm not a fan of the new pound coin, but then again, I hate all change" - Ken Cheng

    2. "Trump's nothing like Hitler. There's no way he could write a book" - Frankie Boyle

    3. "I've given up asking rhetorical questions. What's the point?" - Alexei Sayle

    4. "I'm looking for the girl next door type. I'm just gonna keep moving house till I find her" - Lew Fitz

    5. "I like to imagine the guy who invented the umbrella was going to call it the 'brella'. But he hesitated" - Andy Field

    6. "Combine Harvesters. And you'll have a really big restaurant" - Mark Simmons

    7. "I'm rubbish with names. It's not my fault, it's a condition. There's a name for it..." - Jimeoin

    8. "I have two boys, 5 and 6. We're no good at naming things in our house" - Ed Byrne

    9. "I wasn't particularly close to my dad before he died... which was lucky, because he trod on a land mine" - Olaf Falafel

    10. "Whenever someone says, 'I don't believe in coincidences.' I say, 'Oh my God, me neither!"' - Alasdair Beckett-King

    11. "A friend tricked me into going to Wimbledon by telling me it was a men's singles event" - Angela Barnes

    12. "As a vegan, I think people who sell meat are disgusting; but apparently people who sell fruit and veg are grocer" - Adele Cliff

    13. "For me dying is a lot like going camping. I don't want to do it" - Phil Wang

    14. "I wonder how many chameleons snuck onto the Ark" - Adam Hess

    15. "I went to a Pretenders gig. It was a tribute act" - Tim Vine

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