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About jai-dee

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  1. jai-dee

    Latin, can someone?

    Try here: http://translate.google.com/#la|en|
  2. jai-dee

    Any New Jokes

    Puns for Educated Minds 1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi. 2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian. 3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still. 4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption. 5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery. 6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering. 7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart. 8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie. 9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it. 10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. 11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization. 12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.' 13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me. 14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.' 15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large. 16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran. 17. A backward poet writes inverse. 18. In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes. 19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion. 20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine . 21. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.' 22. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says 'Dam!' 23. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too. 24. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my electron.' The other says 'Are you sure?' The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.' 25. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication. 26. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
  3. Why not Palestine's right to defend and demilitarised Israel, just for the sake of symmetry?
  4. jai-dee

    Any New Jokes

    A lawyer and a senior citizen are sitting next to each other on a long flight. The lawyer is thinking that seniors are so dumb that he could get one over on them easily. So, the lawyer asks if the senior would like to play a fun game. The senior is tired and just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and tries to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists, saying that the game is a lot of fun..... "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me only $5.00. Then you ask me one, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00," he says. This catches the senior's attention and, to keep the lawyer quiet, he agrees to play the game. The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the Earth to the Moon?" The senior doesn't say a word, but reaches into his pocket, pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer. Now, it's the senior's turn. He asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?" The lawyer uses his laptop to search all references he can find on the Net. He sends E-mails to all the smart friends he knows; all to no avail. After an hour of searching, he finally gives up.. He wakes the senior and hands him $500.00. The senior pockets the $500.00 and goes right back to sleep. The lawyer is going nuts not knowing the answer. He wakes the senior up and asks, "Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?" The senior reaches into his pocket, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.
  5. I've never been to Pattaya myself, even though I've been to many more places than an average BM - Wichianburi, Lampang, Phitsanulok, Sukhotai, Korat, Rayong, Lopburi, Nakhon Nayok, Chiang Rai, Phimai, Mae Sot, Loei, Ubon Ratchathani, Sri Saket, Kantharalak, Buriram, Udon Thani, Nakhon Pathom, Mae Sariang, Kanchanaburi, Mukdahan, Kalasin, Amnat Charoen, Khong Chian, Prachinburi, Chumpon, Nong Khai, Phuket, Samui, Chiang Mai, Hat Yai, Nang Rong, Khon Kaen, That Phanom, Krungthep, to name a few, not counting the many villages in between.
  6. Thai field commanders believe the Cambodian operation after the ceasefire on Sunday was the work of Hun Sen's son, Hun Manet, who was promoted to a two-star general in a ceremony earlier this month. He is commanding the Cambodian troops based near the Preah Vihear temple himself. "Hun Sen wants the Cambodian people to be satisfied with his son and he wants to show them his [impressive] roles before he is to be promoted to the army chief's post," a source said. Brig Gen Hun Manet, 33, who graduated from the US Military Academy at West Point, wanted to retaliate against Thai troops after Cambodian troops suffered severe damage in Friday's clashes, the source said. Bangkok Post My brother-in-law who lives close to KPV tells me that the fighting now stopped because Hun Sen's son was injured. I haven't been able to confirm this on any news source yet.
  7. The quickest way to see where disk space is used is to install the free program TreeSize from http://www.jam-software.com/freeware/ and scan the disk. It will show hidden files which are too easy to miss when browsing. Windows 7 is building all sorts of caches as well as a search index, backups, recovery points etc. I bought a new computer two months ago and one of the first things I did was to do was to partition the disk. I left about 40GB to the Windows on C, it can do whatever it wants with it, the rest is my private disk space (D) which Windows doesn't touch.
  8. Get TreeSize from http://www.jam-software.com/freeware/, scan your disk with it and it will show you exactly where precious space has gone to.
  9. jai-dee

    Any New Jokes

    World cup After Nigeria was eliminated from the World Cup the Nigerian goalkeeper personally offered to refund all the expenses of fans who travelled to South Africa. He said he just needs their bank details and pin numbers to complete the transaction.    ÂÂ
  10. jai-dee

    Any New Jokes

    Nurses aren't supposed to laugh ....... "Of course I won't laugh," said the nurse. "I'm a professional. In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient." "Okay then," said Fred, and he proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the tiniest 'man thingy' the nurse had ever seen. Length and width, it couldn't have been bigger than a AAA battery. Unable to control herself, the nurse started giggling, then fell to the floor laughing. Ten minutes later she was able to struggle to her feet and regain her composure. "I am so sorry," she said. "I don't know what came over me. On my honor as a nurse and a lady, I promise it won't happen again. Now, tell me, what seems to be the problem?" "It's swollen," Fred replied. She ran out of the room.
  11. Donaudampfschiffahrtsgesellschaft? Danube Steamboat Shipping Company. But you can probably construct even longer words, like Donaudampfschifffahrtsgesellschaftskapitänswitwenrentenauszahlungsstelle
  12. jai-dee

    Any New Jokes

    My wife and I are traveling by car from Victoria to Prince George. Being Seniors, after almost eleven hours on the road, we were too tired to continue, and decided to take a room. But, we only planned to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road. When we checked out four hours later, the desk clerk handed us a bill for $350.00. I exploded and demanded to know why the charge was so high. I told the clerk although it's a nice hotel, the rooms certainly aren't worth $350.00 for four hours. Then the clerk tells me that $350.00 is the 'standard rate'. I insisted on speaking to the Manager. The Manager appears, listens to me, and then explains that the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center that were available for us to use. "But we didn't use them," I said. "Well, they are here, and you could have," explained the Manager. He went on to explain that we could also have taken in one of the shows for which the hotel is famous. "We have the best entertainers from New York, Hollywood, and Las Vegas perform here," the Manager says. "But we didn't go to any of those shows," I said. "Well, we have them, and you could have," the Manager replied. No matter what amenity the Manager mentioned, I replied, "But we didn't use it!" The Manager is unmoved, and eventually I gave up and agreed to pay. I wrote a check and gave it to the Manager. The Manager is surprised when he looks at the cheque. But sir, this cheque is only made out for $50.00." "That's correct. I charged you $300.00 for sleeping with my wife," I replied. "But I didn't!" exclaims the Manager. I said, "Well, too bad, she was here, and you could have."
  13. jai-dee

    Any New Jokes

    Let's put the seniors in jail, and the criminals in a nursing home. This way the seniors would have access to showers, hobbies, and walks, they'd receive unlimited free prescriptions, dental and medical treatment , wheel chairs etc. and they'd receive money instead of paying it out. They would have constant video monitoring, so they could be helped instantly, if they fell, or needed assistance. Bedding would be washed twice a week, and all clothing would be ironed and returned to them. A guard would check on them every 20 minutes, and bring their meals and snacks to their cell. They would have family visits in a suite built for that purpose. They would have access to a library, weight room, spiritual counselling, pool, and education. Simple clothing, shoes, slippers, P.J.'s and legal aid would be free, on request. Private, secure rooms for all, with an exercise outdoor yard ,with gardens. Each senior could have a P.C., a T.V., radio, and daily phone calls. There would be a board of directors, to hear complaints, and the guards would have a code of conduct, that would be strictly adhered to. The "criminals" would get cold food, be left all alone, and unsupervised, lights off at 8 p.m. and showers once a week. Live in a tiny room, and pay $5000.00 per month and have no hope of ever getting out. Justice for all.
  14. jai-dee

    Any New Jokes

    The first blonde guy joke? The very first ever Blonde GUY joke...... And well worth the wait! An Irishman , a Mexican and a Blonde Guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building. They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, 'Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off this building.' The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, 'Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too.' The blonde opened his lunch and said, ' Bologna again! If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too..' The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage, and jumped to his death. The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito, and jumped, too. The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to his death as well. At the funeral, the Irishman's wife was weeping. She said, 'If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!' The Mexican's wife also wept and said, 'I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much.' (Oh this is GOOD!!) Everyone turned and stared at the blonde's wife. The blonde's wife said, 'Don't look at me. The idiot makes his own lunch.'
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