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Everything posted by teddy

  1. teddy

    Any New Jokes

    One day whilst driving along, a man knocks down and kills a deer. He decides to take it home with him He cooks it that night for dinner but doesn't tell the kids what it is "I'll give you a clue, its what your mum calls me sometimes" The little girl screams at her little brother " Don't eat it, its a f**kin aresehole !! "
  2. teddy

    Any New Jokes

    An 18 year old Italian girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period for two months. Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant. Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!" The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later, a Ferrari stops in front of their house. A mature and distinguished man with gray hair and impeccably dressed in an Armani suit steps out of the of the Ferrari and enters the house. He sits in the living room with the father, mother, and the girl and tells them: "Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem. I can't marry her because of my personal family situation but I'll take charge. I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life." "Additionally, if a girl is born, I will bequeath a Ferrari, a beach house, two retail stores, a townhouse, a beachfront villa, and a $2,000,000 bank account. If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $4,000,000 bank account. If twins, they will receive a factory and $2,000,000 each. However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?" At this point, the father, who had remained silent, places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him, "You f*ck her again."
  3. teddy

    Any New Jokes

    A typical married couple was lying in bed one night. The wife had curled up ready to go to sleep and the husband put his bed lamp on to read a book. As he was reading, he would periodically reach over to his wife and fondle her pussy. He did this a few times but only for a very short time each time. He would then stop and resume reading his book. The wife gradually became aroused with this and thought that her husband was seeking some response as encouragement before going any further. She got up and started stripping in front of him. The husband was confused and asked. "What are you doing taking your clothes off? The wife replied, "You were playing with my pussy. I thought it was foreplay to stimulate making love with you tonight. The husband said, "No, not at all." The wife then asked, "Well, what the hell were you doing then?" The husband replied, "I was just wetting my fingers so I could turn the pages in my book."
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