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Everything posted by teddy

  1. A gas station owner in Tennesse was trying to increase his sales. So he put up a sign that read,"Free Sex with Fill-Up." Soon a local redneck pulled in, filled his tank and asked for his free sex. The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10. If he guessed correctly he would get his free sex. The redneck guessed 8, and the proprietor said, "You were close. The number was 7. Sorry. No sex this time." A week later, the same redneck, along with a buddy,Bubba,pulled in for another fill-up. Again he asked for his free sex. The proprietor again gave him the same story, and asked him to guess the correct number. The redneck guessed 2 this time The proprietor said,"Sorry, it was 3. You were close, but no free sex this time." As they were driving away, the redneck said to Bubba, "I think that game is rigged and he doesn't really give away free sex." Bubba replied,"No it ain't, Billy Ray. It ain't rigged. My wife won twice last week."
  2. Ha Ha Ha, I'm Buster Beaver, I like that :grin:
  3. I would hate to have to wait until enough steam has settled sufficient to swim in. Where's the boiling water coming from anyway
  4. STATE OF TENNESSEE RESIDENCY APPLICATION Name: ________________ (_) Billy-Bob (_) Billy-Joe (_) Billy-Ray (_) Billy-Sue (_) Billy-Mae (_) Billy-Jack (Check appropriate box) Age: ____ Sex: ____ M _____ F _____ N/A Shoe Size: ____ Left ____ Right Occupation: (_) Farmer (_) Mechanic (_) Hair Dresser (_) Un-employed Spouse's Name: __________________________ Relationship with spouse: (_) Sister (_) Brother (_) Aunt (_) Uncle (_) Cousin (_) Mother (_) Father (_) Son (_) Daughter (_) Pet Number of children living in household: ___ Number that are yours: ___ Mother's Name: _______________________ Father's Name: _______________________ (If not sure, leave blank) Education: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed) Do you (_)own or (_)rent your mobile home? (Check appropriate box) ___ Total number of vehicles you own ___ Number of vehicles that still crank ___ Number of vehicles in front yard ___ Number of vehicles in back yard ___ Number of vehicles on cement blocks Firearms you own and where you keep them: ____ truck ____ bedroom ____ bathroom ____ kitchen ____ shed Model and year of your pickup: _____________ 194_ Do you have a gun rack? (_) Yes (_) No; please explain: Newspapers/magazines you subscribe to: (_) The National Enquirer (_) The Globe (_) TV Guide (_) Soap Opera Digest (_) Rifle and Shotgun ___ Number of times you've seen a UFO ___ Number of times you've seen Elvis ___ Number of times you've seen Elvis in a UFO How often do you bathe: (_)Weekly (_)Monthly (_)Not Applicable Color of teeth: (_)Yellow (_)Brownish-Yellow (_)Brown (_)Black (_)N/A Brand of chewing tobacco you prefer: (_)Red-Man How far is your home from a paved road? (_)1 mile (_)2 miles (_)don't know
  5. I didn't know Tennesse had a "Scottish bit"
  6. I will buy you a nice 25 y/o Highland Park mixed with Britvic Pineapple juice when I come over in October, just to annoy McMunchy. ::
  7. And I thought you loved me
  8. Unfortunately, Soccer is in fact an English word and is a shortened version of Association Football.
  9. What are you going to use as a weighing implement, surely there isn't a set of scales big enough in Thailand for you two fat feckers. Maybe you should ask a friendly buffalo farmer what he uses to weigh his herd. :elephant: :elephant:
  10. 1. Jose Moaninho 2. Arsene Whinger 3. Greasy haired referees from liliputland who believe it is an automatic foul everytime a tall player tries to outjump a shorter player (as witnessed by Crouch last night) 4. Gay cameramen who don't give enough time to the big titted girls in the crowd, particularly during Brazil matches. 5. Scottish fans who support any team other than England and go on and on about Archie feckin Gemill's goal in the 78 finals.
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