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teddy

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Posts posted by teddy


  1.  

     

    A gas station owner in Tennesse was trying to increase his sales.

    So he put up a sign that read,"Free Sex with Fill-Up."

     

    Soon a local redneck pulled in, filled his tank

    and asked for his free sex.

     

    The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10.

    If he guessed correctly he would get his free sex.

     

    The redneck guessed 8, and the proprietor said,

    "You were close. The number was 7.

    Sorry. No sex this time."

     

    A week later, the same redneck,

    along with a buddy,Bubba,pulled in for another fill-up.

    Again he asked for his free sex.

     

    The proprietor again gave him the same story,

    and asked him to guess the correct number.

     

    The redneck guessed 2 this time

     

    The proprietor said,"Sorry, it was 3.

    You were close, but no free sex this time."

     

    As they were driving away, the redneck said to Bubba,

    "I think that game is rigged and he doesn't really

    give away free sex."

     

    Bubba replied,"No it ain't, Billy Ray.

    It ain't rigged. My wife won twice last week."

     


  2. STATE OF TENNESSEE RESIDENCY APPLICATION

     

     

    Name: ________________

    (_) Billy-Bob

    (_) Billy-Joe

    (_) Billy-Ray

    (_) Billy-Sue

    (_) Billy-Mae

    (_) Billy-Jack

    (Check appropriate box)

     

    Age: ____

    Sex: ____ M _____ F _____ N/A

    Shoe Size: ____ Left ____ Right

     

    Occupation:

     

    (_) Farmer

    (_) Mechanic

    (_) Hair Dresser

    (_) Un-employed

     

    Spouse's Name: __________________________

     

    Relationship with spouse:

     

    (_) Sister

    (_) Brother

    (_) Aunt

    (_) Uncle

    (_) Cousin

    (_) Mother

    (_) Father

    (_) Son

    (_) Daughter

    (_) Pet

     

    Number of children living in household: ___

     

    Number that are yours: ___

     

    Mother's Name: _______________________

     

    Father's Name: _______________________ (If not sure, leave blank)

     

    Education: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed)

     

    Do you (_)own or (_)rent your mobile home? (Check appropriate box)

     

    ___ Total number of vehicles you own

    ___ Number of vehicles that still crank

    ___ Number of vehicles in front yard

    ___ Number of vehicles in back yard

    ___ Number of vehicles on cement blocks

     

    Firearms you own and where you keep them:

     

    ____ truck

    ____ bedroom

    ____ bathroom

    ____ kitchen

    ____ shed

     

    Model and year of your pickup: _____________ 194_

     

    Do you have a gun rack?

     

    (_) Yes (_) No; please explain:

     

     

    Newspapers/magazines you subscribe to:

     

    (_) The National Enquirer

    (_) The Globe

    (_) TV Guide

    (_) Soap Opera Digest

    (_) Rifle and Shotgun

     

    ___ Number of times you've seen a UFO

    ___ Number of times you've seen Elvis

    ___ Number of times you've seen Elvis in a UFO

     

    How often do you bathe:

     

    (_)Weekly

    (_)Monthly

    (_)Not Applicable

     

    Color of teeth:

     

    (_)Yellow

    (_)Brownish-Yellow

    (_)Brown

    (_)Black

    (_)N/A

     

    Brand of chewing tobacco you prefer:

     

    (_)Red-Man

     

    How far is your home from a paved road?

     

    (_)1 mile

    (_)2 miles

    (_)don't know

     


  3. zob65 said:

    Ah Teddy you nasty price of work. We are most loved in LOS, we are not just another faceless penis as you have been. We have option of dieting, but you are dead set ugly, with face that only a mother could love, and there is no options left for you.

     

    Stop annoying me as I must get back to Mc Tavish of the Glen!

     

    And I thought you loved me :(


  4. What are you going to use as a weighing implement, surely there isn't a set of scales big enough in Thailand for you two fat feckers. Maybe you should ask a friendly buffalo farmer what he uses to weigh his herd. :elephant: :elephant: :elephant: :elephant: :elephant:


  5. 1. Jose Moaninho

     

    2. Arsene Whinger

     

    3. Greasy haired referees from liliputland who believe it is an automatic foul everytime a tall player tries to outjump a shorter player (as witnessed by Crouch last night)

     

    4. Gay cameramen who don't give enough time to the big titted girls in the crowd, particularly during Brazil matches.

     

    5. Scottish fans who support any team other than England and go on and on about Archie feckin Gemill's goal in the 78 finals.

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