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Posts posted by teddy

  1. I tried a recipe years ago where the main ingredient was coriander. It produced a really vivid green thick sauce and was delicious. I think it was an Indian dish but it could have been from somewhere else. It might have actually been spinach thinking more about it.

  2. I watched the Counselor on a plane and had to keep looking around at the start in the munching scene thinking that fellow passengers would think I was watching a porno. After watching I had to think long and hard whether I should give it a 0/10 or a 10/10. I reckon it gets top marks. Unconventional film but it makes you think and had some amazing dialogue. The guy describing Diaz fucking his car windscreen and comparing her pussy to a catfish's mouth moving up the glass of a fish tank was classic.

  3. A blonde woman goes to the hospital.

    "What seems to be the problem?" asked the Doctor.

    "Something is terribly wrong, I keep finding postage stamps from Costa Rica in my vagina."

    The Doctor had a look, laughed, and responded, "Those aren't postage stamps darling, they're the stickers you get on bananas!"

  4. A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife. She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand.


    Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk.


    She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk.


    He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching.


    For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very well.


    Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the hired hand, "You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick up your heels." The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night.


    One o'clock came, however, and he didn't return.


    Two o'clock and no hired hand.


    Finally he returned around two-thirty, and upon entering the room, he found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him.


    She quietly called him over to her..


    "Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she said.


    Trembling, he did as she directed. "Now take off my boots."


    He did as she asked, ever so slowly. "Now take off my socks."

    He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots.


    "Now take off my skirt."


    He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light.


    "Now take off my bra.." Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor.


    Then she looked at him and said, "If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you're fired."

  5. I prefer,


    "Ryan Giggs, Ryan Giggs running down the wing,

    Ryan Giggs, Ryan Giggs shagging Imogen,

    He done her up the shitter & now it's all on Twitter..........

    Ryan Giggs, Ryan Giggs, Ryan Giggs"

    Well done Ryan Giggs, probably one of the only PL footballers who can claim to have tasted his brothers cock.

  6. "As much as an obnoxious twat I may come across online anyone in real life would say opposite. I am prepared to leave Thailand for a few months earn less money and get hammered by Income tax Just so I can spend what maybe the last summer with their parents, is that the actions of an asshole?"


    If you want to hear it straight up then the answer is yes, your way of thinking is the actions of an asshole.


    You should spend as much time, be it the "last summer" or otherwise with your parents without any thought to paying income tax.


    In fact, you would find it more rewarding and feel better for it when they eventually do pass away if you spent the time with them without the need of feeling that you gave something up to do so in the form of paying a bit of tax.


    If I could turn the clock back I would have done things differently before my dad died two years ago. I always had plans to take him on a cruise, treat him to something that was once in a lifetime but time ran out. I did spend many a holiday with him and had some great times but it wasn't enough.


    Don't make the same mistake.


    As for the VAT stuff. What the fuck are you on about? I have been working in the UK now for almost 4 years having left Dubai where I lived for 13 years. I earn above the VAT threshold but as my clients are in countries where they are not subject to our VAT I simply don't add it to the invoice and my VAT returns are nil every time. No drama, no problems.


    You can also spend 90 days in UK without being classed as resident for tax purposes.

    • Like 1

  7. Three dogs were sitting in the waiting room at the vet's when they struck

    up a conversation. The black Labrador turned to the yellow Labrador and

    said: "So why are you here ?"


    The yellow Lab replied: "I'm a pee'er. I pee on everything.....the

    sofa, the curtains, the cat, the kids. But the final straw was last night

    when I peed in the middle of my owner's bed."


    The black Lab said: "So what’s the vet going to do?"


    "Gonna cut my nuts off" came the reply from the yellow Lab.

    "They reckon it'll calm me down."


    The yellow Lab then turned to the black Lab and asked: "Why are you here?"


    The black Lab said: "I'm a digger. I dig under fences, dig up flowers and

    trees, I dig just for the hell of it. When I'm inside, I dig up the

    carpets. But I went over the line last night when I dug a great big hole in my

    owners' couch."


    "So what are they going to do to you?" the yellow Lab inquired.

    "Looks like I'm losing my nuts too," the dejected black Lab said.


    The black Lab then turned to the Great Dane and asked: "Why are you here?"


    "I'm a humper," said the Great Dane. "I'll hump anything. I'll hump the

    cat, a pillow, the table, fence posts, whatever. I want to hump everything I

    see. I just can't help it."



    Yesterday my owner had just got out of the shower and was bending down to

    dry her toes, and... I just couldn't help myself. I hopped on her back and

    started hammering away..."



    The black and the yellow Labs exchanged glances and said together:

    "So, it's nuts off for you too, huh?"


    The Great Dane said: " No, apparently I'm here to get my nails clipped!"

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