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Man at Work

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Everything posted by Man at Work

  1. Hey, I am not the only one getting old! You have told that one a few month back in the same thread! MaW
  2. All the uneducated computers around the world (except ours of course) can not handle the o with the two dots on it. So we have to write "koennen" if we mean "können". Got it? Have a great day, waiting on more of your goodies (jokes I mean of course!) MaW
  3. Man were do you get all those'? They were excellent!
  4. Don't get it! Somebody please explain to a kraut! MaW
  5. [color:blue]Of Course![/color] MaW
  6. After the annual office party blowout, John woke up with a pounding headache, cotton-mouthed, and utterly unable to recall the events of the preceding evening. After a trip to the bathroom he was able to make his way downstairs, where his wife put some coffee in front of him. "Louise," he moaned, "Tell me what went on last night. Was it as bad as I think?" "Even worse," she assured him, voice dripping with scorn. "You made a complete ass of yourself, succeeded in antagonizing the entire senior management, and insulted the Regional Director General to his face." "He's an asshole . I should have pissed on him." "You did," Louise informed him. "And he fired you." "Well, fuck him!" yelled John. "I did. You go back at work on Monday."
  7. A cowboy was taken prisoner by a bunch of Indians. The Indians were all prepared to kill him when the chief announced that due to the celebration of the Great Spirit, they would grant the cowboy three wishes before he would die. "What do you want for your first wish?" asks the chief. "I wanna talk to mah horse!" says the cowboy. He goes over to his horse and wispers in its ear. The horse neighs, rears back, and takes off at full speed. About an hour later, the horse comes back with a naked lady on its back. Well, the Indians are very impressed, so they let the cowboy use one of their teepees. A little while later, the cowboy stumbles out of the teepee, tucking in his shirt. "What do you want for your second wish?" says the chief. "I wanna talk to mah horse!" says the cowboy. Again, the cowboy wispers in the horses ear. The horse neighs, rears back, and takes off at full speed. About an hour later, the horse comes back with another naked lady on its back. Well, the Indians are very impressed indeed. So, once again, they let the cowboy use one of their teepees. The cowboy stumbles out a little while later, and the chief asks the cowboy "What do you want for your last wish?" "I wanna talk to mah horse!" says the cowboy. He grabs the horse by the ears and yells, "You stupid animal, I said POSSE, POSSE!" ________________________________________
  8. A guy got a sunburn while at a nude beach. Later, he found having sex to be extremely painful, so he went to the kitchen, poured a glass of milk, and inserted his dick in the glass. His girlfriend came into the kitchen and said, "I've always wanted to know how men reload that thing."
  9. A lady decided to go into business and open an art gallery. she asked a painter she knew if he would paint a picture of Custer's last stand for the grand opening of the Gallery. On the day of the grand opening, the lady unveiled the painting and let out a gasp... It was a painting with a pile of excrement with a halo around it in the foreground, and hundreds of Indians having sex in the background. She confronted the painter, asking what the meaning of this was... He replied that he did a lot of research on Custer's last words, and found that they were, "Holy shit! Look at all the fucking Indians!"
  10. A man takes his dog for a walk in the park. While he's there, he runs in to his old friend. The two men stop to talk and the dog just plops right down and starts licking his balls. The friend sees this and says, "Man, I sure wish I could do that." The dog owner says, "Go ahead, but pet him a little bit first."
  11. This is a real brave guy!! This is a true story about a recent wedding that took place at Clemson University. Even Jay Leno mentioned it on The Tonight Show. It was a huge wedding with about 300 guests. After the wedding, at the reception, the groom got up on stage to talk to the crowd. He said that he wanted to thank everyone for coming, many from long distances, to support them at their wedding. He especially wanted to thank the bride's and groom's families for coming and to thank his new father-in-law for providing such a fabulous reception. To thank everyone for coming and bringing gifts and everything, he said he wanted to give everyone a special gift from just him. So taped to the bottom of everyone's chair was a manila envelope, including the wedding party. He said that this was his gift to everyone, and told everyone to open the envelopes. Inside each envelope was an 8x10 picture of his best man having sex with his new bride. He had gotten suspicious of the two of them and hired a private detective to trail them weeks prior to the wedding. After he stood there and watched the people's reactions for a couple of minutes, he turned to the best man and said,"F--- you!" He turned to his bride and said, "F--- you!" And then he turned to the dumbfounded crowd and said, "I'm out of here." He had the marriage annulled first thing the next morning. While most of us would have broken off the engagement immediately after finding out about the affair, this guy goes through with it anyway, as if nothing was wrong. His revenge: Making the bride's parents pay over $32,000 for 300 guests for a wedding and reception. Letting everyone know exactly what did happen. And best of all, trashing the bride's and best man's reputations in front of all of their friends and their entire families. Do you think we might see one of those Mastercard "Priceless" commercials out of this? Elegant wedding for 300 family and guest: $32,000 Photographers for the wedding: $3,000 Deluxe Honeymoon accommodations in Maui for 2: $8,500 The look on everyone's faces after seeing a photo the Bride and Best Man having sex: Priceless Revenge takes many forms.
  12. A lawyer walks into a bar and the barman says "good evening, what will you have?" "Oh I'll have a large scotch" says the lawyer. The barman pours the drink "that'll be one pound 70 pence please sir" The lawyer looks puzzled."When I came in, you asked me to have a drink but there was no mention of any money being required" A guy sitting at the bar suddenly pipes up "He's right you know. There was no mention of you requiring any sort of fiscal renumeration for the drink" The barman scowls "I've had enough of you smartarse lawyers drinking in here. Drink your scotch, piss off, and I never want to see you in this pub again" 2 days later, the lawyer walks back in. "Get out" shouts the barman "I told you 2 days ago never to drink in this pub again" "what! I've never been in this pub in my life" says the lawyer looking very offended. The barman looks puzzled "then you must have a bloody double" "Great - make it a scotch"
  13. If you guys wouldn't alway just look at tits and cunts, you would have noticed, that one of them has a huge tatoo on her back and the other doesn't. Case closed your honor. MaW
  14. BTW, they raised the cost of marriage to â?¬ 150,-- now here in Krautland. I wonder how the average German man can afford that, as it does.... ... not include the airfair for the bride! MaW
  15. Was missing the part of the wife "made in Thailand"??? MaW
  16. Is it just my dumb Kraut-mind or what? I do not get this???? MaW
  17. Yessss Ssssir! I promise to be better next time. Oh how I love to be smartassed! MaW
  18. Sorry, just noticed, that this post was from 2005. Must have been reanimated after you posted this one. My Mistake MaW
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