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Fiery Jack

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Everything posted by Fiery Jack

  1. I never met him, but we communicated privately a few times. He was a good man. I thought of him as a friend I'd yet to meet, and I'm shocked and saddened to hear he is taken far too soon.
  2. Yes. (Or they know something that some of us do know.) They know that a lot of tourists are gullible morons incapable of thinking or venturing in any meaningful or pioneering way outside the box with which they are familiar, mental stay-at-homes who cross oceans and time purportedly to escape their 'home' environment only, once abroad, to strive to replicate it. Baffles me. But, as that great philosopher of modern consciousness Sheryl Crow said, "If it makes you happy, it can't be that bad." Having said which, my 'home' environment being a well-documented tragic but risible collage of drunkenness and disasters and warpath-walking scorned females, it could be argued that I have striven over many summers to replicate it in Bangkok, and more or less succeeded. jack
  3. 1. Reasons to go to Hooters as opposed to the other bars lining Soi 4: i. Hooters birds are sweet, affable, attractive and shapely young things who'll leave you alone unless you wish to chat (in which case they're witty and charming), and not clapped out old bangers or yaa-baaed up mental cases wanting to siphon your wallet and cock as rapidly as possible. ii. Hooters birds, at least the ones I've spoken to, have a much greater command of English than the birds elsewhere on the Soi, meaning you can enjoy a meaningful conversation, or at least a conversation slightly above moronic, in Hooters. 2. Reasons to go to the other bars lining Soi 4 as opposed to Hooters: i. Hooters birds aren't barfinable thence shaggable after a cursory two-minute preamble, as far as I know, whereas the clapped out old bangers and yaa-baaed up mental cases that populate the other bars on Soi 4 patently are. ii. Hooters food is shit. iii. Hooters booze and food are outrageously overpriced. That's how it seems to me after somewhat extensive research, anyway. jack
  4. Thank f*ck you added the bit about the car, mate. I thought you were talking about beer. Was just about to cancel my trip. jack
  5. Right enough, mate. And I'd be needing a good drink afterwards too. jack
  6. F*ck's sake, that's a real "you shoulda seen the other guy" trophy scar, mate. Yes, I fully intend to get proper attention. Roger that one and thanks for the cautionary tale: appreciated. Hope you're okay now. jack
  7. Are you avoiding me, sir? (Don't worry, I'm used to it, though it's usually women dong the avoiding.) jack
  8. Thanks, boss. I'll give it a whirl. Any reason why you recommend Sukhumvit Hospital and not Bumrungrad? jack
  9. Good news for your uncle Jack. Incoming next Thursday! jack
  10. In Bangkok again on business next week, lads. Now, your uncle Jack's got a pesky mole in the small of his back that's gotten peskier of late. . It's right on the belt line, and what with my waist ballooning due to excess ale it chafes on the waistband something rotten. A month ago the bastard started bleeding. Healed up okay, but it's been itching like fuck since than, and seems to have got bigger. I can't see the fucking thing due to its position, even using a mirror, (and I haven't got a bird who could have a shufty for me), but it's raised from the skin and soft, more like a wart. Anyway, too much information. I apologise. Time to get the sodding thing removed. I think it'd be a slice-and-dice surgery job with local anaesthetic, rather than laser. But where? I checked some old posts. Asoke Skin Clinic is recommended, and I know there are a few places up by MBK. It's not cosmetic surgery: I've lived happily with it for 50 years. I want it removed because it's turned weird, and better safe than sorry. So I want a proper job, where they'll biopsy to check if it's cancerous. Bumrumgrad (I have a member's card as I got treatment there once for an ear infection)? The dude who 'recommended' Asoke Clinic said they just whipped his mole off without a by your leave then stripped his wallet of 1,100 baht and showed him the door, almost bargirl tactics, didn't check if it was benign or whatnot. I'd rather have treatment a tad more diligent. Any recommendations? Thanks for help in advance, fellers. jack
  11. I always like to see a friendly vagina. jack
  12. You weren't wrong, lads. I'm on Sukhumvit as we go to press. Sweating like a blind lesbian in a fish shop. jack
  13. Great. 😟 Let's just pray there's not a beer outage while I'm there. jack
  14. I'm both. (Unlucky, and Just Plain Hilarious, I mean.) You're welcome. jack
  15. Merely seeking confirmation: is the current weather in BKK as hot and sticky and steamy as I imagine it to be? I'll be there for Songkran. I'm sweating already. Yes? jack
  16. Will be in Bangkok soon on business and was thinking of renting a couple of birds for a threesome. I've had loads of threesomes (always me and 2 birds: don't fancy another bloke sniffing round my dirt box, no sir ), mostly with hookers but a couple with a bird I went out with at uni who swung both ways and had some randy female pals of a similar persuasion (especially after they'd all been smoking dope and I'd just rolled back from the pub pished). To be honest, I've never enjoyed a threesome as much as I've enjoyed good sex with just the one bird. It's okay but a bit awkward. My having only one cock is the main drawback, I have always thought upon those occasions. Except the time at uni when I was in bed with two lezzers, when I thought my even having one cock was a drawback as they seemed more interested in mauling each other than paying any attention to me. I gave up in the end and went into the other room and had a wank, I recall, left them to it. In BKK, I had an 'afternoon delight' threesome a few years ago with numbers 27 and 32 from Annie's, rode them both and they went like the clappers, on each other 69-ing it with dildoes flying about and gods know what like two starving ethiopians on a charity aid package while I recomposed myself and had a cold one from the fridge, waiting to get ready for another round. It cost 6,000 baht (about 15,000 yen. Very pleasant indeed; both had tremendous knockers and 32 could've sucked a sausage through a keyhole. Two nights later I shagged number 16, bar-fined and took her long time (4,000 baht = 11,000 yen) and she stayed with me for 2 days. She was lovely. Her name was Thip, and she sent me e-mails after that, at least once a week, begging for money. I replied but never mentioned money. She gave up after a couple of months. I can't remember the names of the other two. Worth every penny. Looking at the website afterwards, I remember thinking I chose shrewdly, considering I was plastered throughout and out of my box on captain reds, as there's certainly a fair few growlers on the menu, and a couple that look like they were once proud owners of a block and tackle. I looked at the website just now, and it looks like they've raised the bar a bit, not so many plumpers with faces like torn shite. Or try Chiang Mai. I did. If she's still above ground, you'll find Pin (not her real name: I can't remember her real name), the manager of the Smiling Monkey boozer Bumrunburi Road, to be very accommodating, especially if you like a bit of "back door" action with an older woman. If you want a threesome, her younger sister Djan (not her real name: her real name's Tan or Tap or something like that) will gladly join in the fun for 500 baht extra (making it 2,500 baht all in, = 6500 yen). Face like a blind cobbler's thumb but great body on the younger one. You can use the upstairs short-time room for 2 hours, no extra charge. When I was at uni I had a threesome with a punk bird from Liverpool callled Sharna and her bisexual overseas-student redhead dopey hippie mate who looked like Suzanne Vega and was from Vancouver. Her name was Renee or something. She had a French surname, pageboy haircut, and massive tits. Sharna was squatting on her face while I was banging her, I recall. That was good. (Oh God, don't know why I suddenly thought of this but I shagged a bird in Scotland once. There was a booze and blaw party in her flat and she dragged me off into her bedroom, started sucking my cock, then we both stripped off and got down to business atop the bed. Halfway through, as she was moaning her head off orgasmically and I was on top banging away like a fiddler's elbow, I heard a noise. Looked up and met, eye to eye, with a young male infant (aged 3 maybe?) standing up in his nearby wooden cot and watching the action with a bemused look on his cherub angel coupon. He was literally about three feet away. The bedside light was on so me and the bird were well spotlit. Hadn't noticed the young feller or the cot in the surrounding darkness when we'd rolled into the room, and she'd said nothing. We were both pished and stoned, like. I lost my stalk and clambered off her. She wanted me to carry on. I told her to piss off. No way. F*ck, that wee kid'll grow up snookered. Poor little sod. ) A mate of mine called Steve Cooper shagged a jap bloke's wife in an otherwise deserted kiddies swing park near Shinjuku one night while the bloke stood and took photos of them banging. He'd met them half an hour earlier in the Shinjuku Dubliners pub. : Anyway, and to reiterate, threesome banging itself can be a bit disappointing, actually. As I say, you've only got the one cock (presumably?). In Thailand it has often ended up with me shagging one bird like billy-o while the other sits on the end of the bed and watches telly and/or fiddles with her phone. And Japan's out of the question. For the amount of brass you'd pay for a threesome with two sack-of-potatoes tarts in Japan, you could have a weekend in Bangkok, lads, and bang as many zestful birds as you fancied. But I'll give it a go. Incoming as we speak. Needs must. jack
  17. Just heard a programme on BBC radio Woman's Hour (I listen to it to know how modern birds think, so I can come across as sensitive when I'm on the pull) about revenge porn: amateur porn sites where blokes stick up photos of ex-birds or ex-wives sucking them off and whatnot without the bird's direct permission. All the feminist birds are getting their sensible knickers in a right twist about it. Anyway, I started wondering: if I was a bird (long shot, I know, but bear with me a tad) knew that any ex-feller of mine with whom I'd had an acrimonious split was in current possession of spread beaver shots of me, I'd be shitting myself. I'd want then destroyed, I think, certainly not shown to mates in pubs or displayed on the internet. I'm sure no one's got any nude pics of me: no one would want such materials. A German bloke I once worked with used to show me pictures of his Chinese missus sucking him off. Then he asked me if I fancied a threesome with them. I said no. She was quite tasty, but he was a pillhead alcoholic weirdo (the last one bothered me), worked for the German government, and seemed a bit 'lavender' so I reckon he'd have been after some ‘Fiery Jack Back Door Action’ once we'd got down to business, so f*ck that. A randy Irish backpacker bird I shagged in London once back let me take some photos of her with her tits out (knickers still on) on my new digital camera as a ‘souvenir’, but she made me erase all of them right in front of her the next morning when she'd sobered up. She got in a right strop about it, I recall. Obviously an alkie. I lost the camera in a pub a few nights later anyway. And in Hong Kong I once took some polaroid photos (that's how long ago it was) (the mama san let me rent the polaroid camera along with the bird for a few extra dollars) of a Cambodian tart sucking me off and sticking a wee complementary shampoo bottle thing up her arse in a hotel room and brought them through customs back to Japan. But I panicked when I got back to Japan and burnt them, frightened my missus (I was married back then: first wife — the rotten two-faced lying bitch one; not the lovely one that died) would find them and go mad. Wish I'd kept the f*ckers now. She was a gorgeous little thing. Bit chubby, but a lovely smile and massive tits on her. Spoke a few words of English too. Moong, she was called, I remember. So sweet. My heart aches like an old retired steam engine raised on cinder blocks when I think about those days and nights. Anyone got incriminating snaps of you 'in action' or vice versa? jack
  18. I've always thought there were just two options: 1. Drive home drunk, and quite possibly kill or maim some poor cunt and/or yourself, or 2. Forget where you parked your car and spend a couple of excruciating hungover hours the next afternoon retracing your steps and trying to find the fucker. I always chose, and continue to choose, the latter. jack
  19. Happy New Year, lads. It's our lucky day! http://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-35206709
  20. In there this morning for a wee eye opener. Sandy tells me a customer strolled out last night, on her watch, leaving a 400 baht bill unpaid, which came therefore out of her wages. I gave her a 400 baht tip, and wished her a happy New Year. Ladies toilet still fucked. Nothing more to report. Except that... hey, this business of once-an-alcoholic being always-an-alcoholic is bullshit. I've been on the road for two weeks, drinking heavily most days, and I'm okay. There's always tomorrow, like. Fuck it, Happy New Year, everybody. jack
  21. Actually, talk about tempting fate and whatnot, but... Stayed at Nana Hotel last week for 5 nights, one radioactively plastered:drunk: and the others medium-heat. Anyway, went down to breakfast on the most hungover morning. Locked the room door but left room safe open. Came back. Room had been cleaned. Room safe still open, which was when I realised I'd left it open. Checked contents. I'm pretty sure that the equivalent of about 10,000 baht had (in Japanese money) been lifted from my spare wallet. There was still money in it, but 3 x 10,000 yen notes less than I remembered. Everything else still there: credit cards, passport, iPod... Now, I was/am reluctant to cry 'theft' as: 1. I genuinely can't remember how much was in the fucking wallet. Pretty sure but not 100% that it was light. 2. I know and trust the maids at Nana Hotel. :hug; 3. I'd shagged a freelancer the night before. She was nice and no way she nicked the bread, but I was paralytic so might have paid her in yen if I'd had no Thai brass? Can't remember. I probably had less than I thought I had, and I'll chalk it down to experience either way. Just thought it ironic, that's all. jack
  22. Above post not meant as a metaphor. But could be. jack
  23. Have you tried unplugging it and waiting for a few minutes then plugging it back in again? Often works for me. jack
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