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Fiery Jack

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Everything posted by Fiery Jack

  1. Roger that one. I have walked that road, more often of late than of yore. I suspect that we are singing from a similar heathen hymn sheet, sir. The lunatic rogues' gallery/umpteenth circle of purgatory locals know as 'Nana Car Park' has been my solace and salvation more than once... jack
  2. Far from foolproof but worth a go if desperate: ask him/her the following 5 questions... 1. Do you hang about outside a massage joint on Lower Suk at 2AM pissed as a fart and ya-baa'd out of your box, spray-on black mini-skirt riding up around your waist, shrieking hysterically and pestering passers by? 2. Do you claim to be 'laydee! jing-jing!' even though you've an Adam's apple I could hang my coat on? 3. Do you forcibly frogmarch your newfound 'friends' to a short-time hotel on Soi 4? 4. Once there, do you refuse to undress, go ballistic apeshit, start smashing the room up and try to steal your newfound friend's wallet and mobile phone? 5. Do you continue with this terrifying performance (replete with attempts to punch newfound friend in face and accusations of robbery and rape) until the tourist police arrive and wearily and resignedly (as if about to burst into a full chorus of 'Auld Lang Syne' or Paul 'Syrup' Simon's 'Old Friends') escort you mob-handed from the premises like the 'old friend/regular call-out' you clearly are to them? If subject answers 'Yes' to all 5 questions, it's more than probable that (s)he's got a cock attached and, anyway, brother, you really don't want to know. Let us know how you get on. jack
  3. Good work, mate. I'd tap that like a shot. Another one that gets my rod twitching is Lisa Faulkner (typecast pigshit-thick Essex tart as life imitates art, she's basically a marginally less dippy version of Dido: I see a pattern emerging here, Jack ... ), the blonde 'hobo-chic' bird out of the BBC series 'Murder in Suburbia'. I bet she'd go like a f*cking rabbit, the dirty wee whoor. Here she is in some sexy schoolgirl gear. Lord have f*cking mercy. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BrH8SZ6PcmQ Ooh, you bugger. Where's those f*cking Kleenex... jack
  4. I know the large open-air food-court-style restaurant that was on the right as you go down Soi 7* (just across from Soi 7 Beergarden) closed down over a year ago. Like Golden Beer Bar, it was a prime people-watching spot: another good one gone... And the food was good too. Unlike a lot of places, if you asked for it pet-mak-mak spicy, brother you'd get it pet-mak-mak-mak-mak-mak jing-jing you're a better man than I am gungha din thar she blows yifter the shifter twice on the pipes hooray and up she rises spicy: I mean radioactive — toilet roll in the fridge, and no need to set the alarm, mate. Ring of fire, indeed. Sadly missed, but anyone know what will be built to replace it? It was not much more than a pile of rubble last time I staggered past on my way to a quick morning bracer or two at the Beergarden. While I'm at it, are there any similar restaurants (well, cafeterias/food courts really) — cheap-and-cheerful, outdoor (but not necessarily), plastic chairs, good basic authentic Thai food — in BKK that anyone would recommend. I know there's one on the corner of (I think it's) Soi 3/1, and another on the opposite side of Sukhumvit that gets a lot of backpackers. Any more? jack *Can't find any photos of it online. I mean the joint the dude who took this 2011 video sits at from 1:45 to 3:30. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CYUc32O-Ac8
  5. Bit scary looking for me, but I wouldn't say 'No'. My dopehead mate Smokey Ashton did some production work for Eldritch donkey's years ago, and never got paid. He still goes on about it. jack
  6. Impressive work. They've even photoshopped the cock she's about to suck and replaced it with a coffee cup! jack
  7. Thanks for the private message, mate. Hope you got her email address okay? How did you get on? jack PS. If she asks for your bank details, give her a false account number. That's what I did. You can't be too careful.
  8. I was asked to do a charity half-marathon. Of course, I immediately declined. Then the bloke said, "But it's for disabled kids." I thought, "Wait a minute — I could win this!" jack
  9. I notice that a 'Yes' option ('Yes, bastards' to be specific) has now been added to the original list of voting options. Not my doing. Do I detect KS's elegant and helpful editorial hand at work? jack
  10. I just voted, mate. I went for 'Yes'. Interesting poll. Better than the ones that stupid tit Fiery Jack puts up on here. jack
  11. T minus 19 for the board's favourite funster, Fiery Jack! Better book myself another stay in rehab for January, then... jack
  12. Larina C. got in touch this morning. Thought I'd spread the joy. Lovely. Thanks, Larina C.. You're welcome. jack * I've edited Larina's email address and homepage link, soft lad. If any of you want the real address/link in order to get in touch with her, send me a private message and you'll receive the info pronto!
  13. Ha ha, yes, roger that one. I've often thought that too — because if I'd been born 5 years earlier I'd have been at my shagging/gigging/ligging youthful peak during the revolutionary UK punk and post-punk drugs-and-shagging explosion of the late-70s (during which I was still at school and just a wee bit too young ), and not during the pile-of-shite unisex celibate (for me) Duran Duran New Romantic AIDS-panic safe-sex nightmare of the early-80s that followed (during which I was freshly in adulthood and raring to go in, ahem, eyeliner and pixie boots ). I wanted this... But I ended up with this... Otherwise, no complaints. jack
  14. Ha ha, I've done that too, mate! There's never a public toilet around when you need one. And while I'm at it... Doesn't she tout for trade in Soi 7 Beergarden? Front teeth missing and a tattoo circling her arsehole that reads 'Nicolas Cage Was Here'? I'm sure I've short-timed her a couple of times. She had a neck brace on the last time I shagged her. jack
  15. I mean birds whom a lot of blokes might (and quite clearly do, if you believe the papers or the 'net) regard as a 5 or 6 out of 10, or worse, that you find incredibly sexy/hot/attractive: 11 out of 10. For me: it's Dido. Yes, she's a flat-chested, fat-arsed, pumpkin-headed, chubby dope-head has-been who can't sing her shit songs for toffee, and she's notoriously thick as pigshit (she dated that doss cunt ex-Leeds/Man U/Newcastle footballing thug Alan Smith whose hobbies were beating up pakistanis in nightclubs and punching his own teammates ). But I cannot watch this women without getting an erection. A cock-jerk reflex reaction that I honestly couldn't prevent if I tried. There will be others for me in this category, I'm sure, and they'll come to my addled mind later and I'll list them below if and when they do. For now though, I give you Ms. Dido Florian Cloud de Bounevialle O'Malley Armstrong aka 'Dido': truly my kind of woman (lowers trousers and reaches for box of tissues ). http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EGXtEE-YX7s (Of course, that video's 10 years old, and that's the version of Dido I'd love to shag. But I'm sure I'd react the same way if I saw her today. She can't have gone completely downhill in a decade? (Though glancing at my own haggard coupon and ballooning belly, it wouldn't impossible... )) So... Who's yours, lads? jack
  16. Regarding this 10-years-and-not-the-looker-I-once-was sketch... ... Yes, we all ache where we used to play, as Cohen says, but, as he also says, I'm old but I'm still into that. 10 years ago (okay, okay, let's say 15, just to be safe) I still looked like, and in many ways still was, a young man. Inside, not much has changed since then; maybe I'm a bit calmer and gentler — not for me to say — but stick a dozen beers down my throat and I'll soon revert to type. Outside, however, it's gone pear shaped and I can't pass for young any more, nor do I wish to. I'm not old, and I'm not hideously ugly, but I'm no longer a young man. No one shouts 'handsum man!' at me any more. They used to. But I saw loads of blokes 10/15/20 years ago in LOS who were what I am now. I knew some of them. And they were smiling and having the 'girlfriend experience' that these days is as much a thing of the past as my (once passably) 'good looks'. Long story short, I don't think it's anything to do with us not being lean and looking 'handsum' any more. It's economics, money, the way of the world. I'm glad I was 30 when I was 30, and not now. We had it good, lads. We still do. No worries. To quote that ugly old alcoholic tosspot Fiery Jack , "My world is blurred and skewed and warped in ways it never used to be. And yet some parts are clearer." jack
  17. The blithering idiot that started the poll forgot to put an option for 'Yes'. jack
  18. From Trip Advisor Reviews Of Nana Plaza: http://www.tripadvis...d-Bangkok.html# jack
  19. I can absolutely relate to that, chief. Ditto for the whole paragraph that follows. As Dylan sings: "...every one of them words rang true And glowed like burning coal... Like it was written in my soul." Top post. jack
  20. As I mused in another thread, 'Sex Tourism', is almost exclusively portrayed in a negative light. Sex Tourists get very bad press. Some of them I've encountered in Thailand, mostly round Lower Sukhumvit, of course, are indeed obnoxious arseholes, but then so are many non-Sex Tourists I've met, and indeed so am I, and I've met some decent Sex Tourists too. Even the obnoxious arsehole Sex Tourists are often simply temporarily afflicted by the blithely arrogant attitude that access to cheap booze and cheap sex can foster in a lazy-minded immature pampered person. And the decent ones I've met are understandably embittered by the negative preconceptions folks have of their ilk, so tend to be frosty at first. So here's a poll, so we'll know once and for all... Are Sex Tourists All C*nts? Feel free to demystify your poll-vote selection with anecdotes. In fact, feel obliged. jack
  21. Good work. Strikes me, though, that we've heard similar tales on here from beer-bars and go-gos: possessive (usually blootered ) punters spoiling for a brawl because someone's drooled at the bird they just barfined for the night? Wonder if there's a thread somewhere on a Backpacker Board titled "Are Sex Tourists All C*nts?" jack
  22. My "gap year" started when I was about 17 and hasn't finished yet, mate. jack
  23. You can be respectfully hedonistic, surely? Do what the fuck you like, as long as you don't hurt anyone? If I'm honest, I hope I'm like that, at least these days. I offended a Thai bloke once in Bangkok, many years ago, by behaving disrespectfully in his presence. I was drunk, but that was no excuse. I felt so terrible about it that I went back the next day and apologized sincerely and gave him a gift. And the next day. And six months later, the next time I was in LOS. And many times after that. And we became friends, and he says he forgives me. Whether he does or not, I know what I did was not right, and I'll continue to try never to do anything similar. Perhaps a lot of backpackers will look back one day on their obnoxious behavior and regret it. Some of them might even apologize, learn from the experience, like I did. But that doesn't excuse their twattish antics, just as my remorse did not excuse mine. (In my defence, I immediately apologised for my shenanigans when the Thai dude blew his whistle. Went back thereafter to show I was sincere. I wonder if the serially-misbehaving backpackers would immediately apologise for the errors of their ways if confronted in public? Case by case, but I somehow doubt it.) jack (SPOILER ALERT! Before any of you pedantic clowns pipe up: Fiery Jack's a persona. I resembled him a long time ago, but I don't so much now. In many ways, I wish I did; in some ways, I'm glad I don't. )
  24. I feel far less hindsight-guilt these days over shagging prostitutes than I do about going on a 5-day bender. (It used to be by far the opposite, if anything at all.) That's an even worse state of affairs. We really are fucked, mate. Roll on Xmas. Roll on LOS. jack :help;
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