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Vintage_Kwai

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Everything posted by Vintage_Kwai

  1. They seem to be making their presence felt in the once 'girls only' bars now. Dropped in on an old mamasan friend who's been in NEP for ages and she admits that there are both 'uncut' and 'cut' ones prancing around on stage. She pointed them out and one was quite difficult to distinguish from the real thing. 'She' got barfined while I was into my second beer; poor bloke would probably never even suspect. One trait that sets them apart is that they tend to be a bit more 'showy' - big bows, eyeglasses or even a flash of what's available.
  2. Sigh. Flash, where do you find the videos? Brings back memories. Race Course Bar in Patpong, run by a friend who used to frequent a place called Captain's Cabin in Singapore; Three Roses in Nana and Hog's Breath next door, many happy nights spent there. Also Spider's Web just across and the Mermaidium in it's heyday when 'mermaids' were still swimming ... Always threw in coins as the notes would float ... Those in the know would know what I'm talking about :-) Seafood on the corner of Asoke, the roller skate restaurant and lots of other memories ... Guess I'm showing my age ...
  3. How old is your dumb phone? Back in the day (2G) AIS, DTAC and TRUE GSM bands were not compatible so I could not for instance use a AIS programmed phone with a SIM from DTAC. If you have a tri-band phone (850, 900 and 1800) then you'll probably be able to switch SIMs at will. Most smart phones these days are on the 21 MHz band and are not GSM compatible. Do note that some things like MMS need internet connectivity to send or receive that type of message so you just may be better off joining the smart phone crowd My two baht worth..
  4. It was expensive but was the biggest seafood place around. You could have gone to the Pratunam corner but less ambience. The roller skate restaurant Tum Nak Thai was also just around the corner. Anyone remember NASA spacedrome near Ramkamphaeng? (the locals pronounced it as 'spae cee drome')
  5. WWII bomb era worked okay... heard it when it went off.
  6. There's a(n) RCAII at Sapan Kwai? Only been to TDed, maybe need to renew acquaintences. Haven't seen ND for years, let alone the rest of the crew. Saw the last meetup notice two days too late, otherwise could have been motivated. Perhaps next time. VK
  7. Back to topic re: Labourers in debt. While it may be true that *some* are deep in debt, sometime one wonders why... I get charged exorbitant amounts to get a wall plastered/ painted /roof tiles replaced; they charge by the square meter and will not deduct any window spaces from said amount. Roof tile replacement (pressed cement sheet) was 70 baht per piece, labour only on a single storey bungalow. For 300ish pieces I got charged 22,000 baht that four workers finished in less than a day. That is a lot more per person than the *adjusted* daily wage. Probably explains why they were driving around in a pickup with red plates on it. The other thing is, after they have money in their hands, they tend to hit the local karaoke joints and blow most of it in one night. They don't pay tax, either. (Rumblings of dissent from a disgruntled taxpayer who is still waiting for his tax refund - or have they already run out of money to pay me)? Sigh. Rant over.
  8. GPS locators and remote immobilisers are readily available from 12,000 baht up. The company I used also has a 24 hr hotline and throws in an additional insurance policy that covers total loss.
  9. J Yes,she made a mistake. I see you agree with that, as do I. It is unfortunate that she had to suffer for it. But the action of going after the person who opened the taxi door and trying to put the blame on him make her a stupid cow in my eyes. If, however, she *did* overtake on the right-hand side (imo the correct way to do it), and the door was opened into the traffic side, I would have sided with her. My two baht worth...
  10. The Haw Par Villa in Singapore has has the Chinese Hells ever since I was a kid. Google it.
  11. Doubt that. My local as well as the supermarkets all tell me the largest sized Singha you can get today is a 500 cl bottle. The 640 ml bottle is history. As I typically do not drink Leo or Chang I have moved on to a more acceptable brand.. For me, this means something slightly more expensive. I now drink Tiger, Carlsberg and Heineken (in that order) as they still carry the 640 ml size and it's not that different in price from Singha. I see a lot of people changing their beer preferences away from Singha, myself included.
  12. It was a scrap merchant, not an antique shop. I live 2 km from Soi Wat Latprakao and heard the blast even though I was wearing earphones. It also scared the pigeons off the roof of the neighbour's place.
  13. Not seen said sign? But then again I very seldom take taxis in Bangkok. Usually only from Swampy back home. From my perspective as a driver, the cyclist should not have 'overtaken' on the left. By her own admission she rode in the gutter. Agree with Mekong, she is a stupid cow. She should have either overtaken on the right, or just used her brakes. I have had one or two instances where the motorsais like to travel in the left-hand blind spot and have narrowly avoided collision even though I have signalled to turn into a gas station with reasonable warning. From my perspective as a former cyclist (won't do this in Thailand) if you can overtake, do it on the right just like the rest of the traffic, or just brake and wait. I believe people here drive on the same side of the road in Australia?
  14. Hey, gobble, are you resurrecting your countdown thread? Just kidding. Hopefully you've prepped with some Thai lessons under your belt by now? Cheers mate.
  15. I'm curious. Is this the same as the 'Alien Registration Certificate' also issued at the police station? (In Thai: ใบส้ำ้คัà¸à¸›à¸£à¸°à¸ˆà¸³à¸•à¸±à¸§à¸„นต่างด้าว )
  16. I bought a 1st gen Nissan X-trail. It is a car-based SUV and has selectable 4WD so quite comfortable to drive and not too big. Not a big fan of the Honda CR-V, plus 4WD function on this is (IMO) inferior to the Nissan. Have taken it out to a waterfall that I certainly would never have brought my previous car to and never had any problems. One thing I wasn't too happy about but can live with is that it has a petrol engine, and at 2.5 liters isn't exactly small; they don't import the diesel variant found in other countries. In general use have found it reasonably economical for this type of vehicle - about 10 km/liter. About the same as my previous Saab turbo in normal driving. Think Mekhong answered the diesel question (see why I would have preferred the diesel variant of the X-trail? ) But I'm really happy with it as it'll go almost anywhere and drives well... The 2nd gen is a lot larger and has a 2.0 liter engine, but only came as a 2WD variant so wasn't interested.
  17. Depends on your needs really. As Mekhong points out, the Fortuner seems to be the SUV of choice. A friend has the MU-7 and is happy with it. Note that this is truck-based ans still has rear spring leaf suspension. As does the Everest. I recently went for a small SUV after driving standard cars for years because I needed the extra ground clearance and part-time 4WD. Look for a diesel if possible as it is heavily subsidised so will keep your running costs down.
  18. A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said, 'Jesus knows you're here.' He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more , after a bit, he shook his head and continued. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard 'Jesus is watching you.' Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. ' Did you say that?' he hissed at the parrot. 'Yep', the parrot confessed, then squawked, 'I'm just trying to warn you that he is watching you.' The burglar relaxed. 'Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?' 'Moses,' replied the bird. 'Moses?' the burglar laughed. 'What kind of people would name a bird Moses?' 'The kind of people that would name a Rottweiler Jesus.'
  19. Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Taser for their anniversary submitted this: Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety....?? WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs. AWESOME!!! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave. Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right? There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong? So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and taser in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries. All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5' long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and (loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, 'no possible way!' What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best...? I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as to say, 'don't do it dipshit,' reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and . . . HOLY MOTHER OF GOD . . . WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION . . . WHAT THE HELL!!! I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs? The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room. Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a taser, one note of caution: there is no such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. A three second burst would be considered conservative? SON-OF-A-BITCH, THAT HURT LIKE HELL!!! A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was. My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I had no control over the drooling. Apparently I shit myself, but was too numb to know for sure and my sense of smell was gone. I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head which I believe came from my hair. I'm still looking for my nuts and I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!! P. S. My wife loved the gift, and now regularly threatens me with it! 'If you think Education is difficult, try being stupid.'
  20. Dunno. These things show up on an intermittent basis in my emails.. Anyways.. Two priests decided to go to Hawaii on vacation. They were determined to make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy. As soon as the plane landed, they headed for a store and bought some really outrageous shorts, shirts, sandals, sunglasses, etc. The next morning, they went to the beach, dressed in their "tourist" clothes. They were sitting on beach chairs, enjoying a drink, the sunshine and the scenery when a "drop dead gorgeous" topless blonde in a thong bikini came walking straight towards them. They couldn't help but stare. As the blonde passed them, she smiled and said "Good morning, Father Damascus, good morning, Father Simonelli" and passed on by. They were both stunned. How in the world did she know they were priests? So the next day, they went back to the store and bought even more outrageous outfits. These were so loud you could hear them before you even saw them. Once again the two priests settled on the beach in their chairs to enjoy the sunshine. After a while, the same gorgeous topless blonde, wearing a string bikini, taking her sweet time, came walking toward them. Again she nodded at each of them, said "Good morning, Fathers" and started to walk away. One of the priests couldn't stand it any longer and said. "Just a minute young lady" "Yes?" she replied. "We ARE priests, to be sure, and proud of it. We only dressed this way so as to enjoy our vacation. One other thing, I have to know, how in the world did you know we are priests dressed as we are?" "Because Father, it's me, Sister Angela, I'm on vacation too!" she replied.
  21. Notes From an Inexperienced Curry Taster Named FRANK, who was visiting Madras, India from the U.S. "Recently I was honoured to be selected as a judge at a curry cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking directions to the beer wagon when the call came. I was assured by the other two judges (couple of local Indians) that the curry wouldn't be all that spicy, and besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted." Here are the scorecards from the event: ______________________________________ Curry # 1: Manoj's Maniac Indus Incinerator Curry JUDGE ONE: A little too heavy on tomato. Amusing kick. JUDGE TWO: Nice, smooth tomato flavour. Very mild. FRANK: Holy shit, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These Indian fellows are crazy. _________________________________ Curry # 2: Applesamy's Afterburner Curry JUDGE ONE: Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight Jalapeno tang. JUDGE TWO: Exciting BBQ flavour, needs more peppers to be taken seriously. FRANK: Keep this out of reach of children! I'm not sure what I am supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich manoeuvre. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face. ____________________________________________ Curry # 3: Farouk's Famous Dry Out The Ghats Curry JUDGE ONE: Excellent firehouse curry! Great kick. Needs more beans. JUDGE TWO: A beanless curry, a bit salty, good use of red peppers. FRANK: Call Colesburg, I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Domestos. Everyone knows the routine by now, get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back; now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting shit-faced from all the beer. _________________________ Curry # 4: Barbu's Black Magic JUDGE ONE: Black bean curry with almost no spice. Disappointing. JUDGE TWO: Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a curry. FRANK: I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it, is it possible to burn-out taste buds? Savathree, the barmaid, was standing behind me with fresh refills; that 300 lb. bitch is starting to look HOT, just like this nuclear waste I'm eating. Is curry an aphrodisiac? __________________________________ Curry # 5: Laveshnee's Legal Bhandar Burner JUDGE ONE: Meaty, strong curry. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive. JUDGE TWO: Curry using shredded beef; could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement. FRANK: My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed hospital treatment. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her curry had given me brain damage. Savathree saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from a pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off? It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. _________________________________ Curry # 6: Vera's Very Vegetarian Vishnu Variety JUDGE ONE: Thin yet bold vegetarian variety curry. Good balance of spice and peppers JUDGE TWO: The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb. FRANK: My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulphuric flames. I shit myself when I farted and I'm worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that slut Savathree; she must be kinkier than I thought. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my ass with a snow cone! ______________________________________ Curry # 7: Sugash's Screaming Sala Curry JUDGE ONE: A mediocre curry with too much reliance on canned peppers. JUDGE TWO: Ho Hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of curry peppers at the last moment. I should note that I am worried about Judge Number 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably. FRANK: You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a damn thing. I've lost the sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with curry which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava-like shit to match my damn shirt. At least during the autopsy they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing, it's too painful. Screw it, I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4 inch hole in my stomach. _______________________________ Curry # 8: Hansraj's Brahmaputra Evaporator JUDGE ONE: A perfect ending, this is a nice blend curry, safe for all, not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence. JUDGE TWO: This final entry is a good, balanced curry, neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge Number 3 passed out, fell over and pulled the curry pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor Yank, wonder how he'd have reacted to a really hot curry? FRANK: -------------- (editor's note: Judge #3 was unable to report)
  22. It was Postman Pat's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the post through all kinds of weather to the same neighbourhood. When he arrived at the first house on his route, he was greeted by the whole family there, who all hugged and congratulated him and sent him on his way with a gift cheque for $500. At the second house they presented him fine Cuban cigars in an 18-carat gold box. The folks at the third house handed him a case of 30-year old Scotch whisky. At the fourth house, a dumb blonde in her lingerie met him at the door. She took him by the arm and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced. When he had had enough they went downstairs, where the dumb blonde fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, tomatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and freshly squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a $5 note sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge. "All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the five dollars for?" "Well," said the dumb blonde, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you. He said, "F*** him. Give him five bucks." ....... the breakfast was my idea."
  23. A father put his three year old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers which she ended by saying: 'God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless Grandma and good-bye Grandpa.' The father asked, 'Why did you say good-bye grandpa?' The little girl said, 'I don't know daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do.' The next day grandpa died. The father thought it was a strange coincidence. A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers which went like this: 'God bless Mommy, God Bless Daddy and good-bye Grandma..' The next day the grandmother died. Oh my gosh, thought the father, this kid is in contact with the other side. Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the dad heard her say: 'God bless Mommy and good-bye Daddy.' He practically went into shock. He couldn't sleep all night and got up at the crack-of-dawn to go to his office. He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch sent in and watched the clock. He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be okay. He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day he stayed there, drinking coffee, looking at his watch and jumping at every sound. Finally midnight arrived, he breathed a sigh of relief and went home. When he got home his wife said 'I've never seen you work so late, whatâ??s the matter?' He said 'I don't want to talk about it, I've just spent the worst day of my life.' She said, 'You think you had a bad day, youâ??ll never believe what happened to me. This morning my golf pro dropped dead in the middle of my lesson!
  24. Student problems A first-grade teacher was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, "Johnny what is your problem?" Johnny answered, "I'm too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the third-grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third-grade too!" The teacher had enough. She took Johnny to the principal's office. While Johnny waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told the teacher he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave. The teacher agreed. Johnny was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test. Principal: "What is 3 x 3?" Johnny: "9" Principal: "What is 6 x 6?" Johnny: "36" And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grade should know. The principal looks at the teacher and tells her, "I think Johnny can go to the third-grade." The teacher says to the principal, Let me ask him some questions?" The principal and Johnny both agree. Teacher: "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of? Johnny: "Legs" Teacher: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?" (The principal wondered, why does she ask such a question!) Johnny: "Pockets" Teacher: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?" Johnny: "Pants" Teacher: What's starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?" (The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer...) Johnny: "Coconut" Teacher: "What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?" Johnny: "Bubblegum" Teacher: "What does a man do standing up, a woman do sitting down and a dog do on three legs?" (The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer...) Johnny: "Shake hands" Teacher: "Now I will ask some 'Who am I' sort of questions, okay?" Johnny: "Yup" Teacher: "You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do" Johnny: "Tent" Teacher: "A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first" (Principal was looking restless and bit tense) Johnny: "Wedding Ring" Teacher: "I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good" Johnny: "Nose" Teacher: "I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver" Johnny: "Arrow" Teacher: "What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of excitement?" Johnny: "Firetruck" The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put his ass in the fifth-grade, I got the last ten questions wrong myself."
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