1. Christmas 2002. Biergarten, Music and People

[carew66]

Think too much. How about that for an admonition, ?You think too much?. Usually said to me by bar-girls in Thailand. I can?t think of anywhere in the world, outside of the military, where not thinking is regarded as a virtue. Think, and maybe lose your mind a little - or a lot. Up to you! So, maybe it?s not so daft after all. Thank you Sergeant Major Tilac.

 

Trip Reports. Who needs em?

 

Yes, I?ve recently returned from a trip to Thailand and it?s time to get computer incontinent. Write too much - think too much. As they say, ?same-same?. Always ?same-same?.

 

Catharsis is what I call it, but whilst in Thailand I was discussing the value of the ?trip report? with a friend. Personally I love reading other people?s stories and trip reports. They are a vicarious thrill; a link to a place where I dearly want to be. Some of them I have learned a lot from. Some sought to amuse, and I laughed. Some of them have a trace of bitterness around the edges, their intention to serve as warnings to the unwary. Does anyone really take any notice of warnings and advice? I?m not sure.

 

I reckon we are all a little crazy. I know I am. Must be. Don?t believe me? Then try and talk to me for more than five minutes without me wanting to drag the conversation on to Thailand.

 

Get a seat next to me on the ?plane as it leaves Don Muang and heads for London? just don?t try speaking to me okay? Log the hours I spend on the internet, drifting from message board to message board; all about Thailand (or, to be perfectly honest, Thailand?s nightlife. I?d love to learn about the culture. I really would. But I?m a bit cultured out from so many other countries that I think Thailand?s can wait for a little while). Crazy.

 

I?ll always be a newbie at this game. Always. And that?s the way I like it . Anybody who reads the board and is just thinking about going to Thailand for the first time can I just say this? Go for Christ?s sake. Just go.

 

Don?t leave it as something that you will get around to sometime, because by the time you do get around to it you?ll be kicking yourself for all the time that you squandered before you actually landed up in Bangkok. Be a newbie. It?s great. You meet the nicest people.

 

Biergarten ? Soi 7

 

Lennon and McCartney didn?t know where all the lonely people came from. But I know where they all end up.

 

I was sitting in the Biergarten on Soi 7, nursing a drink and, as usual, thinking too much. I?d heard all about this place but it was in the company of Redbaron, Haltest and Fiery Jack that I made my first visit. I recommend it. (A lame statement ? I recommend it - like it was an oven cleaner or something). No, but I do like it.

 

If you are British particularly, then you realise that something may be missing. What?s more you?ll be glad it?s missing. It?s that nasty little undercurrent of tension and barely suppressed violence that you might encounter in a similar situation in the UK. Yes, the place is full of women. Loads of them. Also, there are a lot of men (that?s us right?) but there is an air almost of gentility about the whole affair. Don?t laugh. Think about it. Perhaps I?ve only ever been on good afternoons and evenings but I really think that there is a quaint old-fashionedness about the way us guys sit eyeing up the women whilst they in turn play their part and try to make eye contact back.

 

On the other hand, a lot of the free-lancers in there must have terribly boring lives. Imagine sitting in there day after day, drinking weak cola and trying to make conversation with someone like me ? who speaks not a word of Thai (I?m not proud of that by the way) or just waiting. Waiting on a weak promise from someone who?ll not turn up in Biergarten either today, tomorrow or for that matter, any day soon.. Meanwhile, it?s order another ersatz coke and carry on waiting.

 

Told you ? I think too much. And that?s bad remember? Very bad indeed?

 

So, having established that I like the Biergarten, there I was with three of the guys from the board, drinking away and talking bollocks like blokes the world over. And there?s another weird thing. These guys are my friends. My mates. But how did we all come to be together in this fine establishment in the first place? Perhaps that might have been something that we might discuss on such an evening, or it might be left unsaid.

 

Conversations with other farang that I met in Thailand were always ones that were based on the mutual assumption that we all knew where we were coming from and why we were there.

 

What I mean is that when you are in Farangland just think about how you behave and converse with people that you?ve only just met. There will be a bit of verbal jousting initially: ?What football team do you support??, ?What job do you do??, (which actually means ?Do I earn more than you??), ?What car do you drive??. You know the kind of inane drivel.

 

In Thailand all that bullshit comes later. Much later, if at all. Straight away you are with kindred spirits to a greater or lesser degree. You can cut the crap and cut to the chase. The result is that after half an hour or so you?ll find yourself with new buddies but that half hour is like two years in Farangland ? just compressed to the nth degree.

 

I worked out the ?three second rule? that first evening. It?s probably just my impression but here goes?

 

Look at a girl for more than three seconds in that place and she locks on like a Stinger. A couple of seconds later she?s armed herself and then? whooosh ? she?s under your radar and under your nose. End of game. Endex. You?re dead.

 

Beware chaps. You can employ the one-and- a-half second rule. That?s fine. But only once. Got it? Once. Do another one-and-a-half seconds on the same girl and she works out the aggregate and?well, I think you can fathom it out for yourself.

 

It?s bloody marvellous.

 

Music

 

Another thing that I thought about too much was music. Good music, bad music, there?s no such thing in Thailand. Certain tunes get under your skin. Tunes that you would flick the dial over for in Farangland change in Thailand. They?re magically ?not crap? anymore. I listened too hard to the lyrics in Thailand and every lyric was about what I was doing, how I felt and who I was ? or thought I was. It was bloody frightening sometimes. I?m not kidding either. Must have been the beer and the heat eh?

 

I really lost it when they played ?Hotel California? in the Biergarten one evening. Go on ? try it yourself when you?re there. Listen to the words. On second thoughts ? don?t. This counts as ?thinking too much? and we can?t have that now can we?

 

That first night was all a bit of a rush. I went at things at 10000 mph as if Soi Cowboy and the Thermae were going to disappear overnight. Never mind the jet-lag, I find it extremely difficult to sleep in Bangkok. Sleeping feels like time wasted. Crazy huh? I mean, sooner or later it all catches up with me but for the first couple of days I have adrenalin for breakfast and seratonin for an evening meal. ( Er ? this is not a drugs reference okay?- Carew).

 

Wash it all down with a few Heinekens and that?s a lifestyle that nobody is going to sustain for long. It didn?t stop me trying though.

 

I went into Thermae when they had all of fifteen minutes left before they closed. Almost immediately I espied a nice young girl and we left not long afterwards. Not quite the caveman but then not too far off either.

 

I had the sweetest dream.

 

[valkyrie]

I know exactly where you are coming from, we must all be out of the same mould!! 49 days till mynext trip what else is there to live for? :)

[SiLeakHunt]

"Enough of that talk or I'll have the leaches on you."

 

"As your attorney I strongly recommend that you........................."

[Tiger Moth]

Well done! You really captured how those of us not living in LOS feel when we are there and when we are not.

 

On my next to last trip, I walked into the Biergarten and didn't like either the ladies I saw nor the atmosphere. I must say, this was after an exhaustive examination of about 10 minutes. But, on my most recent trip, I stopped at the Biergarten several times for a drink. Each time I noticed more attractive ladies and enjoyed the atmosphere more and more. Finally, on my last evening in LOS, I stopped in again and left with a lady. She turned out to be one of the very best in all my trips to LOS (3 trips). She had a lot of personality and was fun, she spoke English fairly well and she had a very nice figure and made me feel like she loved the bedroom activities (a bit of professional acting on her part I am sure - but made me feel good nonetheless).

 

Needless to say, the Biergarten now has a big part in my future LOS plans.

 

 

[Redbaron]

Well done, about time...

 

I want more... oh, there it is.