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Carewsing in Bangkok - May 2003


carew66

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Hi All - just a quickie as I've nipped in here to print off directions for the cabbie.

 

Ended up in Nana Disco again last night (Chris - where were you? I walked the circuit until I was dizzy!). Unfortunately it wasn't the best night I've had there. A 4 or 5 piece Thai Boy band rap act were giving it large for most of my time there (Easty Boys anyone?) and then to compound it there was a balloon popping festival which is guaranteed to force me into the lobby. Still - it wasn't a wasted evening by any means.

 

Trouble with rap is....oh, don't get me going on it for Chrissakes but as an artform I think it is a tad limited. Just putting a lot of words together that end in 'tion' (shun) isn't rocket science. There's only one Old Dirty Bastard - and that's me. I thank you for your attention - of this little intervention - I think I'll get my pension - and go against my convention - and live in a Bangkok situation. (Sorry!)

 

300 baht breakfast from room service this morning. Not for me but for two of my knitting circle. It sure looked good but I was trying to pack rucksacks and kit whilst picking my way around them. And then - really - 'N' found my emergency supply of Pringles and munched her way through 'em whilst staring at herself in the mirror. I shall have photographic evidence of this larceny on my return to UK.

 

 

Rusty - in HCMC I paid a girl to bugger off. I was staying in the Rex and knew the score but I couldn't even get another room. Didin't want to end up in a dodgy dive in Dist.4 so I gave it a miss. Having said that - it's available, the Apocalypse Now bar is a definite freelancer place but not exclusively so. In other words if you want a conventional drink and dance then that's good. I thought the approaches were very discreet as compared to, say, Biergarten. BTW - you are right about my wingman. He met Mum and daughter this morning. I'm getting worried about him. I am now KhunGooseberry. Been there - done that - bad for the brain when back in UK.

 

BB - sell a kidney and get out here again dude. Stick with me and I'll show you er....about 3 streets and 4 bars!

 

Gotta change money (it changes into Heineken and bargirls funnily enough) and hit the highway south.

 

I'll pop in on Rolfie tonight .

 

(This report is sponsored by Rajesh - sunglasses and peanut seller to the Stars. Offices in Bangkok, Bombay and New Delhi "You like?")

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C65/66

 

What a strange man you are. It must be the company you keep. I hope jou have not been paying muliple joiner fees for your cheersquad. For a moment there i almost felt homesick for good old soi 4 Keep us posted on your misadventures. The brown one sends her reguards to you and Roy O.

 

N400

 

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So - here I am again. Pattaya. Pattaya - Pattaya So good they named it...Pattaya. :dunno:

 

First off, the hotel. I am so impressed with it that a) I will book for Christmas now and B) I don't want to tell anybody where it is! Oh, alright then. It's the Residence Gardens a.k.a Residence Suites. If you've stayed there then you'll know why I like it. Little things like a separate bedroom, a little kitchen and dining area, proper furniture, a real shower...I could go on, well they make all the difference. Yeah - it's not right in the centre of htings but then hey - that's what baht buses are for. ::

 

For my good friends that are wondering if I have experienced a Damascene Gig re. this town then may I respectfully report that Soi 8 is still IMHO the biggest shithole on the planet (although Rochdale in 1979 could give it a run for its money. Mind you there weren't any go-go's in Rochdale. 'The Gracie Fields A-Go-Go' might have been fun - all the birds would have to be called Sally though). ::

 

Sorry - so there I was walking (mincing) down Soi 8 from the 2nd Road end and who do I see? 'Smiler', my Nummer Won Girl from Christmas. Truly, her gob was smacked and she fell off her perch when she saw me. It was all rather emotional (on my part) and an Oscar nominated performance from her. (That last part is me trying to be tough and nonchalant but cut me some slack - she's a good kid). ::

 

Into Flintstones where Rolf was keeping station. I think he believes that the Contingent work shifts in Thailand as no sooner does he get rid of Rusty than I appear. Shortly after my tour of duty Village Idiot takes up the reins. :clown:

 

The Catwoman was in there. When she came off from the curtains she slid around my legs a bit, sniffed, licked her paws and then curled up on a seat and stared at me for an hour - as usual she was making the most hideous noises; a cross between a growl and a yowl. (N.B - Redbaron - she was asking after you).

 

I rang the bell - twice - but I decided to go when an obnoxious bastard (country irrelevant but not my own) started taking the piss out of me. Plenty of other bars in town and I don't think that he'd be pushing the profits in Flintstones to the stratosphere. (Note: Despite famously having an inability to speak other languages the Brits do know the odd word or two. We just pretend to be stupid. I think I know the word 'wanker' in 400 languages and 56767 dialects. Including Brummy).

 

 

Rolf's tip - Try Penagra (sp) which is another magic pill based on Vitamin V. I got four for 800 baht. Well, they seem to work. Ain't had any complaints. I got some at the second attempt at a pharmacy in Second Road. Don't even bother asking at that shop in Soi 8 across from the Sunshine particularly if the girl that was in there last night is serving. Rude little cow. ::

 

After the deluge I went to Soi 1 Pattayaland and just went into the first bar that looked as though it would be a laugh. DK Bar had nobody in it when I went in it but the girls were a good hoot. I had a daft boogie session with them. 'All Rise' etc. My efforts were appreciated by the group of queens sitting across the road. Hey - I'm a star. I've boogied with katoeys before now (haven't I Red?) so embarrassment is not my forte. People are people are people. As long as they are happy then I'm happy. (Note to the chap I mentioned earlier: Try smiling you miserable bastard, the mean and moody look just won't work around here).

 

At the hotel the girl was very impressed with the room. I had told her that I was living in a 200 baht a night dormitory with 3 Israeli paratroopers. She wasn't at all phased at that. Humour is a funny thing - by definition I suppose :dunno:. No doubt her pleasure owed more than a little to relief - or maybe she has a thing about squaddies...)

 

Talking of which - the banners are out welcoming 'Cobra Gold' although they haven't arrived yet. Typical innit? The US Forces get R n R in places like Pattaya. What would be the UK equivalent then? A weekend in Morecambe? Free Pie and Pea supper and Bingo with prizes?

 

Ugh - chocolate flavoured condoms. I used one last night and thought that the horrid aroma was emanating from girlie. I got it as part of a pack of 3 (the condom not the girl) and didn't check. I can't get rid of the smell and I've had 3 showers since then. I'm walking around smelling like a cheap Woolworths Easter egg. I mean - what the fuck is going on with flavoured condoms? What's the point? Marianne Faithful is probably to blame...

 

Today I am mostly pissing about. My wingman has taken Tapeworm to the Beach.

 

This report is sponsored by Pattaya Baht Bus Limited "Nah - I don't go Sarf of Walking Street at this time of night mate"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Geezer,

Sorry we couldn't make it to Pattaya. Lil Gyps doesn't like the sound of it, and to be honest, I think you scare her a bit!

Dancing with Katoeys? Mr 66 specialty. Glad you caught smiley again. I liked her.

 

We're in Hua Hin now, and after an initial drama with the motorbike taxis, happy as Rusty in a gogo. (Any gogo).

 

She's off getting a massage now, after playing on the beach a bit. Nice place Hua Hin, quiet, you probably wouldn't like it old chum.

 

Give my love to the gals, see you Friday at GT's

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Says carew66:

so there I was walking (mincing) down Soi 8 from the 2nd Road end and who do I see? 'Smiler', my Nummer Won Girl from Christmas.


 

 

Common now be honest...you went looking for her didn't you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

As for the redbaron .... i recon he is to scared to go within 50K of Pattaya for fear of being caught out.

 

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Truly, her gob was smacked and she fell off her perch when she saw me

 

Thats how I felt the first time I saw you! :grinyes:

 

I have been fishing a couple of times since I've been back but its a anti climax after wrestling with those humungus Thai catfish :(.

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STH - Nice try but no cigar! Nobody mentioned BF'ing ladyboys now did they? Still, makes a good rumour!

 

N400 - Honestly I didn't go looking for her that night although I admit that last night I was tempted but read on...

 

Red - Tell L'il Gloria that I am not as scary as all that. Really! Just a bit full-on...

 

=================================================

 

Right - I have finally (as the song sort of says) found what I'm looking for. Cracked it. Job done.

 

Last night I decided to look in on the FLB bar and see if Pete was about. He wasn't but then I only intended staying for one drink. I had 4 and watched the videos - nothing was really catching the eye or firing the imagination. Oh - I said the Cobra Gold Boys weren't about. I was wrong. There's more than a few about but they certainly are no cause for concern. Quite the opposite. All the ones that I've seen in the bars and clubs seem remarkably restrained.

 

(Sign above a door in Walking Street - "Free Water for MPs" - presumably that's the military police and not any stray members of the Commons).

 

Left FLB and went for a bimble, checking out the shops at the far end of Walking Street and after a few minutes of that it started to spit a little rain. Nice girl behind me drew me into a bar and....no more 'helicopter' on this trip in this town. The Huey is in the hanger. The Bell Company is in liquidation. Sikorsky is kaput.

 

We went to 'Tony's'. This place is right up my street. Live band is excellent. Sorry but they are very, very entertaining. I had the lot - music, dancing, and this wonderful girl who is interesting (and no, STH, she's not called Harold or anything like that!)

 

It's a very inexpensve night out is a club. Went for a good 3 hours non-stop with only 4 My Thais (sp?) and a couple of tequilas. In between the band and the dancers the DJ plays some good banging choons. What a fucking brilliant crack. Bloody marvellous. Tonight again I think. Same girl. Same place. Or different place. Who knows?

 

Come Christmas and if you can't find me then I'll be here somewhere similar. I had my little joke with the lass (I can't even use an initial as it gets confusing as the initial is a name in itself) but this time I was in a tent near Jomtien Beach.

 

This morning - breakfast was served by me on the terrace. Which is nice. And normal. And sanuk.

 

The bad news is - I have gone and done it again. Don Muang Airport provides me with the best (arriving) and the worst (leaving). So that's June and July totally written off for me. If you phone me lads bear that in mind.

 

 

My Wingman and his tilac are now really worrying me. They are like a married couple!! Yesterday they went to Ripleys and had a go on some kind of virtual roller-coaster, had dinner in the Lobster Pot, you know - nice lovey-dovey things. Tapeworm looks happy enough but she don't speak much because her gob is always full of food!

 

I'm in a rush because someone is looking over my shoulder and I am getting the 'I'm bored' signals.

 

This report is sponsored by : Man with Camera in Tony's - "No mate. No, for the 77th time"

 

 

 

 

 

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