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soongmak

Thai women who abandon their children and...

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....the farangs who marry them.

 

I have come to know 4 thai farang couples in the Netherlands last year. Two of the thai ladies involved have children from a previous relationship, but none of them have made the effort to bring the children over to reunite the family so to speak. Their involvement seems to end with sending home some money and the occasional phone call every odd week or so. I just can?t fathom this. I can only think about these women as stone cold heartless bitches, and I have no respect for the husbands either.

 

Am I being too harsh in my judgement or do you think the same way? And why is it that this seems to happen so often? I would really like to know, but I don?t know the people involved well enough to ask them personally. Any thoughts on this?

 

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My take on this, is that many women,especially form rural area, leave their children in care of relatives. Mothers,sisters etc. Certainly the case of working girls in Bkk.

 

Often they only see the child 6-8 times a year and then often for only a couple of days. As the children are raised communially within the family, they feel (and I agree) that this is the best circumstance for the child.

 

Those who emmigrate to a foreign country may feel the same. Leave the child with sister or whoever, so they can be raised Thai, in a family environment. As the new partner is not Thai, there can be no personal resentment. Beside what if farang husband, partnership does not work out? Better to leave Thai child in Thailand. Or at least that what some girls tell me.

 

IMO One more of the attitude differences between the 'individualistic' west and the 'collectiveism' of the east.

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Good topic for discussion! I've often thought about this myself and I find it rather weird...

 

-- Is it a sign that the relationship is not "real" or is it just customary/fact of life?

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My take on this, is that many women,especially form rural area, leave their children in care of relatives. Mothers,sisters etc. Certainly the case of working girls in Bkk.

 

Laohuli,

 

I can understand it when a woman decides to move to bangkok in order to provide for her child and has no choice but to leave her with some relatives. But the situation is entirely different IMO when she decides to marry a farang who would normally provide her with enough financial security to take care of her children herself.

 

Often they only see the child 6-8 times a year and then often for only a couple of days. As the children are raised communially within the family, they feel (and I agree) that this is the best circumstance for the child.

 

How can you say that it is the best for the child? I think that any community, however warm it may bee, is a poor substitute for the real father and mother. Maybe the thais think different about this, but I wouldn?t be surprised if this would seriously hurt the child?s self esteem.

 

There are other items to consider as well, like healthcare, education and such. How many of those mothers do you know that provide their children with proper health insurance? If the children have to make do with the 30 baht health plan, they?d better pray that no serious (and more important, expensive) medical help is needed. From what I have seen, The ordinary thai schools in the countryside make a very poor subsitute for a real education, too.

 

Beside what if farang husband, partnership does not work out? Better to leave Thai child in Thailand. Or at least that what some girls tell me.

 

Actually, that?s what I am thinking, too. The fact that the mother leaves their children in thailand may be a very telling sign about how serious she really is about her relationship.

 

IMO One more of the attitude differences between the 'individualistic' west and the 'collectiveism' of the east.

 

Here?s where you and I think the exact opposite. I feel that leaving the children in LOS may be a sign that the woman in question is very selfish (and thus individualistic) and probably abandons her children because she simply doesn?t care. Then again, I have never been a believer in the essential goodness of mankind.

 

Thanks BTW for your input, much appreciated! :up:

 

Cheers,

 

soongmak

 

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Is it a sign that the relationship is not "real" or is it just customary/fact of life?

 

Well, the consensus so far seems to be that it is not a good sign :down: for the relationship. only three opinions counted though...

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If she will ditch her child she will ditch you. I would never get involved with a woman who doesn't put her child ahead of me. I would never get involved with a woman who doesnt put me first. In other words I will never get involved with a woman with an un grown child. So all and all thats great news for me. Means much better odds at being a butterfly. Remeber at all times, if it flys, floats, or f*cks, its cheaper to rent than to own.

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[color:"green"] I feel that leaving the children in LOS may be a sign that the woman in question is very selfish (and thus individualistic) and probably abandons her children because she simply doesn?t care. [/color]

 

Remember if the childs father or paternal grandparents object then that child is staying in Thailand.

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You don't know them well enough to ask about their situation, but you can call them "stone cold heartless bitches"? And then you ask if you are being too harsh? I think the answer is obvious.

Without knowing the specifics of the situation you are not qualified to make a generalized judgement on what is best for their child. I think based on your superficial view of the situations and rush to judgement that probably makes you qualified to be Family Service Social worker.

TH

 

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Sure each situation dictates the reason for leaving the child, however I'll bet 9 times out of 10 it's because she wants her new relationship to work. With that said it's still a selfish act basically abandoning a child to fulfill your own personal security, if the kid would be following on then it's understandable.

I've seen this happen 3 times now, 1 Thai and 2 Koreans, just giving the kid up either to the previous husband or the husbands family. Cold fuck'n bitches if you ask me :cussing:

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[quote=SOONGMAKHow can you say that it is the best for the child? I think that any community, however warm it may bee, is a poor substitute for the real father and mother. Maybe the thais think different about this, but I wouldn?t be surprised if this would seriously hurt the child?s self esteem.

 

Hi Soongmak,

 

Thais do think differently about this. My wife has been raised by her grandma, although the parents lived only a few 100 meters away. I don't think it hurts the childs self esteem, it just cements the Thai 'unity' feeling.

 

Both my wife wife and me work, so during the daytime my wife's mum looks after the baby, but I don't think my wife would want to 'give up' the baby, she definately wants to look after it herself.

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