khunsanuk Posted August 5, 2003 Report Share Posted August 5, 2003 Hi, My wife has 2 kids from a previous marriage, neither live with us. Her son lives with his father and visits us for several weeks whenever there are school vacations. My wife raised the boy for the first few years of his life. Both miss each other a lot and I have several times offered to have him come to live with us. So far my wife has refused, mainly for the reason that without proper houseregistration papers for BKK the boy is not allowed to attend school her. She also did not want to take him away from his friends / family. The daughter, who is only 7, lives with my wife's parents. She has been raised by them pretty much from birth and does not really see my wife as her mother. While my wife does miss her quite a lot, the girl does not have the same feelings for my wife as the boy does. She does not want to come live with us, nor do my wife's parents want her to (they would miss her too much). I have no idea what would happen if we were to move to the West, but I think that at least the girl would stay in Thailand. Possibly the boy as well. Not because my wife doesn't love them, but *because* she loves them. So, I guess what I am saying is that each case is different and the bond between mother and child is also of different strength. On top of that, it is not always the mother only who makes the decision. Sanuk! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
check_bin_krap Posted August 5, 2003 Report Share Posted August 5, 2003 One thing is sure from what I have seen in my own country. Their step parent has to be there 100% for the kids to make it work out if they are brought here and not too small. Its a lot of work to adapt to a foreign country (more so the older the kids are when they move), and the farang has to be committed to this. I have seen cases where this wasn't true, and where the Thai kids were discriminated versus compared to the couples own kids. If thats the case, the kids are better off in Thailand. Cheers! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BelgianBoy Posted August 5, 2003 Report Share Posted August 5, 2003 SOONGMAK, Very good thread, but moving it to 'family' where it belongs better Cheers ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soongmak Posted August 5, 2003 Author Report Share Posted August 5, 2003 Hi Captcraig, Thanks for shedding some light on this issue. It sure seems a lot more complicated than I thought at first. I guess your ex-wife is a shining example of someone who did put her kids first, but wanted to be with you as well. It must have been murder for her to make such hard decisions. There are girls out there however who don't think too much off it and seem to put their own hapiness first and use the thai communal thingy as an excuse to act selfish. Glad to hear your ex-wife isn't one of them! Cheers, soongmak Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soongmak Posted August 5, 2003 Author Report Share Posted August 5, 2003 Remember if the childs father or paternal grandparents object then that child is staying in Thailand. Hi Shygye, is there any legal ground for this? If a child is placed in the woman's custody does the father or grandarents really have the right to stop the woman to take her with her? Would love to hear about the legal implications of your remark. Cheers, soongmak Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
check_bin_krap Posted August 5, 2003 Report Share Posted August 5, 2003 "Hi Shygye, is there any legal ground for this? If a child is placed in the woman's custody does the father or grandarents really have the right to stop the woman to take her with her? Would love to hear about the legal implications of your remark." .......................................................................... I know from my own experience that unless that consent is given in writing, the child(rens) can't leave. Cheers! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThaiHome Posted August 5, 2003 Report Share Posted August 5, 2003 Says SOONGMAK: Thaihome, it is obvious from your comment that you know more about these things than me. Since I have a step daughter living with her grandmother and aunt in the village, yes I do know more about it then you. :hubba: I have posted my situation in another thread in this forum, so won't do it again here. As you have found out, it a very complicated issue that just cannot be judged from a western perspective. For example, in another response on getting grandparents approval for taking child away, you immediately question the legal basis for this. Going to court on child custody would never even occur to most rural Thais. Says SOONGMAK: Instead of rushing to a judgement about me, how about actually adding something to the discussion? If my opinion was set in stone, I would hardly open a discussion on the subject, now would I? I apologize for the social worker crack. You just sounded so much like people in that line work I couldn't resist. TH Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soongmak Posted August 5, 2003 Author Report Share Posted August 5, 2003 I know from my own experience that unless that consent is given in writing, the child(rens) can't leave. Wow! Although it sounds fair to me that the father has a say in it as well, this requirement must be tough if the father can't be located, as often must be the case. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted August 5, 2003 Report Share Posted August 5, 2003 I'm not sure how much the legal part really matters. A Thai's loyalty is to Buddha, the King, and family. I think it would be very unusual to have a legal proceeding to decide such a matter. I know farangs in this type relationship too and my first thoughts (kept to myself) were very negative about what it meant. Now I see how the communal family makes the child connected more to a sort of clan where the mother is just one part. These arrangements can happen not just if a TG goes off with a farang, but also if she goes to another locale for a job. Same situation; kid(s) are back at the village being cared for by other family members. Not a big deal to Thai's and maybe better than being in the western daycare model too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BelgianBoy Posted August 5, 2003 Report Share Posted August 5, 2003 SOONGMAK, It is the same here in the west ! Divorced parents, children with one parent, visitation rights (or not) with the other, but children do NOT leave country of origin with parental approval. Just normal IMO. Cheers ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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