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Shemales On Heat


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I have a friend called Bob. Actually his name isn't Bob but it wouldn't be right to mention his real name considering that (a) he's my friend and (B) I'm about to reveal a side to his nature that he probably wouldn't thank me for making public.

 

See, my friend Bob has a very good job with a large electrical company in Bangkok. He likes his job and does it well. He gets paid a lot of money for what he does and he likes to feel free to spend that money by pursuing individuals of a somewhat confused sexual identity.

 

"The thing I love about this town," Said Bob once over a plate of fried eggs and ham claiming to be bacon, "is that while it is no paradise I can't think of another place where you can sit somewhere, out in the open, having a beer while being diddled under the table by a bunch of ladyboys."

 

Now. I should say this about Bob. To all outward appearances he is the most normal guy you could meet. In his late forties he has an ex wife and two delightful children and he sends his alimony and child maintenance back home every month regular as clockwork. He's a huge bear of a guy. Gentle as a lamb. Heart as big as a whale. And yet at some point he became Casanova bait. Not just bi-curious but obsessively and exclusively a purveyer of transexuals. Obviously some would say "good on him." Others would say "Why not just go for men." Others still would probably sit judging him as some unholy perverse fiend. I couldn't give a fuck. He's a friend and a good guy. Consenting adults and all that. But, being a prurient motherfucker I could never help asking Bob "Why ?"

 

"It's one of those things I couldn't explain. It's complicated. They aren't men, but they're close enough to men to know what makes a man feel good. They aren't women, but the best of them look as beautiful as the finest women. And then, there's that little something extra."

 

It was that little something extra that bothered me. Call me a homophobic but I just didn't like the idea of getting close to someone else's something extra. It's funny. I never think of myself as an intolerent man but on this one night I had my own prejudices held up to me in a stark mirror.

 

We were out on the town. Not just me and Bob. There were about five of us. Barhopping drinking. Talking shit and chatting up hookers. The other three fell away. Got caught up in their own private little pursuits of happiness. So it ended with me and Bob sitting in the Thermae.

 

As usual there was the odd late night scuffle between lionesses trying to feed of the same wounded antelope. There were women who sat and fixed you with stares of intent. Little raised eyebrow invitations. Flat out whores bumping into you and having a go at your pockets.

 

"You gotta love it here." I said.

 

"Yeah. Bit short on my type but it's always been a spirited little venue." Said Bob.

 

"What sort of a place would you go if you were on your own ?"

 

Bob smiled. "It would scare the shit out of you."

 

"Take me there man." I said. "I'm sure I can take care of myself."

 

"You serious."

 

"Yes. I'm serious. The name's Turk Fist. You really think I'm scared of a few trannies."

 

"Okay. I'll take you somewhere. But you know the score."

 

"Hey. How long have we known each other ? How long have I been in Bangkok. I know how to talk around ladyboys. Don't call anyone a bloke and don't say anything bad about Madonna."

 

"Okay. I'll take you. But bear in mind. You're about to take a trip through the looking glass. This isn't popping into Casanova's for a laugh."

 

"I understand. I understand."

 

So we drunk up and paid up. Hell. Maybe I was suspiciously eager to see this place. I wasn't too bothered. Whenever anyone talks about taking me through the looking glass I find it hard to refuse.

 

We grabbed a tuk tuk outside the Thermae and Bob tried giving directions to the driver. He gave up after a minute saying this particular driver was hopeless. We got in a second tuk tuk and the driver simply nodded in a noncommital non-judgmental way. I caught his eye a couple of times in the rear view mirror and thought "This driver is sitting there thinking that I am a homosexual." But then who gave a fuck right ? What does it matter what anyone thinks.

 

We kept on driving for some time and crossed the river. Bob had a wee smile at the corner of his lips like he was plotting something. Visions of being gangbanged by sheboys came to mind but I knew that these were just paranoid flights of fantasy. Bob was a good guy.

 

We finally pulled up at a small place with Chinese writing and red lanterns in the window. The "lady" on the door was wearing a scarlet dress with a high neck that went all the way down to her Dorothy style sparkly red shoes. She smiled a pretty smile and gestured us in.

 

A slim man wearing eyeshadow and rouged lips smiled as he recognised Bob. Bob handed him a couple of bills and the man bowed. Catching my eye the man blew me a kiss. Yep. I was on the other side of the looking glass.

 

Stepping inside the room was surprisingly large. It was like a big restaurant where there'd been a power cut so the only lighting was candles on each table. The tables were in a large semi circle so that every chair was facing a stage. The stage was in darkness as a pretty katoey ushered us to a free table. I took a swift glance around the room. The place was near full but I only spotted on other westerner. The rest looked Taiwanese, Korean, Japanese, a few Thais but not many. Most men were accompanied by "women". Some of the women seemed topless.

 

Bob ordered drinks and suddenly a pin spot light opened on the stage picking out a white face of a woman who was clearly not a woman. Japanese music filled the bar as the spot opened wider upon the katoey in the centre of the stage. She was naked though the vital areas were obscured by a sparkly silver chain. She looked like a glamour prisoner in a glamour prison cell. There were three other women/men on the stage. Each of the others were wearing outfits of female prison warders except with short skirts and suspender. Each of them had golden whips. If you could imagine the campest camp thing to ever be paraded on Liberace's World of Camp this would still exceed it.

 

The show started proper as the naked chained woman (to save time I'll say woman though her tiny dick was soon on show) was being pulled this way and that and eventually place over a kind of rack where she was whipped mercilessly with incredibly overstated whip sound effects. This led into the sex show part of the show with each of the female guards pulling out surprisingly large dicks and going to work on the prisoner in turns on her in every way you can imagine.

 

This sex show went on for about twenty minutes and ended with every member of the cast taking a bow. This was followed by a general kind of katoey fuckathon with katoeys doing katoeys and men doing katoeys and katoeys doing men. All the performers were Thai or looked Thai.

 

"So this is the kind of place you hang out ?"

 

Bob smiled. "Not all the time but I have a special friend here."

 

"Special friend. I didn't know you had any special friends."

 

Soon we were joined by one of the guards from the show. She had a pretty face though there was so much make up on the face that it would be impossible to know what she really looked like. She kissed Bob on the lips and I couldn't quite forget that this particular "girl" had just been fucking another "girl" with a penis that was significantly larger than my own. It was all slightly dispiriting.

 

After a very brief tongue injected kiss Bob said to me "This is Sawannii" Then he said to Sawannii "This is my very good friend Turk."

 

Sawannii offered me her hand which I shook. It was a soft and soapy handshake much more excessively feminine than any woman would give. "I'm very pleased to meet you Turk." She held my gaze for a few seconds too long as if examining me for any glimmer of desire. Then she leant forward into Bob and whispered something into his ear.

 

Bob nodded and Sawannii was off.

 

"Sawannii wants to introduce you to a friend." Said Bob.

 

"A friend ?"

 

"A new girl. From China."

 

"Er. Bob. You know how I was saying I was cool about all this and I wasn't scared of a few trannies."

 

"Hey Turk. Trust me. I'm your friend. Do you think I would let anything bad happen to you."

 

I laughed. But, my friends, I have to confess, the discomfort was rising in me. I took a sip of my drink and I couldn't stop thinking about Rohypnol.

 

Sawannii returned accompanied by one of the most staggeringly beautiful women I had ever seen in my life. "This is Ming." She said.

 

Ming was whiter than snow. Her face was like a combination of the most beautiful Italian actress ever to grace the screen and the most beautiful Chinese actress ever to grace the screen. Her pale skin looked unblemished and untouched by the usual caking make-up. She smiled and small dimples formed in her cheeks. Her dress was silver and sparkly and it hung over breasts that looked like perfect white domes tipped with cherry nipples.

 

My stomach sank. Ming came and sat next to me.

 

"She doesn't speak much English" Said Sawannii. "Maybe you have to speak with your hands." She laughed and translated this into Mandarin for Ming.

 

Ming looked in my eyes and I looked in hers. I wanted to look away but - There was no fucking way this was a man. No fucking way. I just felt this terrible surge of desire for her. She was the kind of girl who, if she had been a girl, would have made even the lowest barhopping whorefucker settle down. She was like a jewel. She pointed at my face made some kind of gesture and gave me the thumbs up. I smiled. I didn't know what to say. I just felt confused and embarrassed. I sat stealing glances at her, trying to see a bit of shaving rash, trying to see the join.

 

She spoke across me and Bob to Sawannii in Mandarin. Her voice was lightly husky but it didn't have the usual male scratchiness of katoeys.

 

"She like you." Said Sawannii to me. "She say she want to talk with you but she very sorry. She want go to room with you."

 

I smiled. Damn. I wanted to go to a room with her too. But she wasn't a her. This was Bob's through the looking glass house of katoeys. Maybe, like Bob, I was actually a borderline katoey fucker. Maybe this was how it started. You met that one girl who was so beautiful you just didn't care. Then you discovered that there was that little big of gay in you after all.

 

Bob paid the bill. He not only paid the bill. He barfined both Sawannii and Ming. I guessed he could afford it. We all walked out into the night and Ming took my hand. It felt good to hold her hand walking along the street in this part of town I didn't know at all. I looked at her. She looked back at me and laughed.

 

She said something across me to Sawannii. Sawannii laughed. "She say you look like a frightened rabbit."

 

I laughed. But it wasn't a real laugh. I felt sick inside. Ming looked at me sidelong on. Her small eyes and full lipped dimpled smile breaking straight through to my chest. Bob was showing me that things were not as cut and dried as I thought. "Fuck it." I thought. So I'm queer. So what ? Oscar Wilde was queer. Leonardo Da Vinci was queer. Being queer wasn't such a bad thing was it ? I mean. This was the 21st century right ? Things like that didn't matter any more. Okay there was AIDS but there were condoms. And then I suddenly saw her in my minds eye. I saw Ming and thought of her with one of those great big dicks like Sawannii. No. I wasn't queer. And as beautiful as she might be how would I feel waking up next to her when the stubble was growing on her chin and I had a curious painful sensation in the arsehole.

 

A taxi-meter appeared on the horizon and Bob caught it. We all piled in and wound up at Bob's place.

 

We got drunk. News at Eleven. Bob started showing Sawannii how to waltz. Ming showed me how to waltz. She was leading. I thought of Joe E Ross and Jack Lemmon doing the tango in Some Like It Hot.

 

Eventually we were all finding it harder and harder to stand up and ended up falling on the floor. I ended up falling on to one of Bob's large collection of bean bags. Ming fell on top of me. I felt her soft chest against mine as her beautiful eyes met mine. She moved up slightly and kissed me on the lips. There were tongues. It did not feel like kissing a guy. It really didn't. But then I didn't know what kissing a guy felt like. Hell. Maybe there wasn't a difference. I held her and snogged her for a while. For a while it didn't bother me. Maybe my inhibitions were down. Maybe it was the drink.

 

I pulled back. I looked across at Bob. Bob was really going for it with Sawannii.

 

"I'm sorry." I said. "I have to go."

 

Bob pulled up, lipstick smeared across his chin, "What ?" He said.

 

"My wife. It's my wife. I can't do this to her."

 

Bob knew I didn't have a wife. "Yes. Of course. I understand." He said. He explained to Sawannii in Thai. Sawannii explained to Ming in Mandarin. It was like a slow delayed UN conference. Ming looked at me and, I swear, tears appeared in her eyes.

 

I said sorry and kissed her on the forehead before buggering off into the night.

 

Of course once the situation was behing me I felt relieved. That was how close I came to turning queer, I thought to myself. That fucking close.

 

I saw Bob a couple of days later. "I have to say," I said, "That was really mean."

 

"What was."

 

"That was the most convincing katoey I've ever seen in my life. I tell you what. You almost had me there."

 

"What. You mean Sawannii. She is a looker."

 

"Not Sawannii. That little Chinese girl. She was stunning."

 

"She wasn't a katoey."

 

"What ?"

 

"You think I'd set you up with a katoey ? You don't like katoeys. You thought she was a katoey ?"

 

"Well. I mean. It crossed my mind. Wasn't that bar all katoeys ?"

 

Bob laughed "They cater to all tastes. Wait til I tell Sawannii."

 

"I wouldn't want to hurt anyone's feelings."

 

"You liked her but you turned her down because you thought she was a bloke."

 

"Am I a cunt Bob."

 

"Yes Turk. You may just be the stupidest cunt in town."

 

"Thanks Bob."

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Great story written with style!! It holds a special sort of interest for me. My best friend of 45 years, who's name actually is Bob is a "cross dresser", yet in all our years of friendship, I have never seen his other self, nor have I ever joined him at any of his favorite clubs. I know he would love it if I would at least offer to accompany him at some point, but sadly, I doubt that I ever will. Probably my loss.

 

dj

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Hi TurkFist,

 

Good story, excelent style. Just boggles my mind why anyone would take a tuk tuk from the Thermae to somewhere across the river, unless this happened a long time ago.

 

Anyway, lets hear some more of your experiences, they are indeed great reads.

 

Best regards,

 

Danish30

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Says danish30:

Just boggles my mind why anyone would take a tuk tuk from the Thermae to somewhere across the river, unless this happened a long time ago.

 

The more of his stories I read, the more I am convinced that they are fiction. Maybe based on real experiences, but heavily fictionalized. They are great stories though, this one was the best yet. :bow:

 

Ranger

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As usual, a brilliant tale of misdeeds in the LOS, you're an inspiration to us all, TurkFist. :applause:

 

I particularly liked this one, as I, and I suspect quite a few others, am paranoid about accidentally shagging a katoey (again). I could really empathise with you here. :beer:

 

Just one thing though, I'm going to join the few of us that think you might write for a living. Your style rings a bell...(Not saying the stories aren't true, tho' !)

 

:devil:

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