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A dumb farang and a pathological liar


Tiger Moth

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A couple of weeks ago I stopped into a small GoGo at Nana and began talking to one of the dancers. After a bit, I said I would like to go Long time with her. She said she had never gone long time and wouldn't with me because she didn't know me and would be worried.

 

She eventually did go with me and explained she had broken up with her boyfriend in Chiang Mai a few days prior and had only gone Short time a couple of times and never Long time. Anyway, initially, I came to believe this story because she went on and on about this boyfriend. The next morning she told me that she had a wonderful time with me but was still thinking of her boyfriend and might go back to Chiang Mai.

 

Later that day she sent me an SMS saying she was going back to Chiang Mai and her boyfriend and to please not call her (she had given me her number) as she didn't want any potential problems with her boyfriend. About 10pm that night she called me to say she was in a taxi on her way from the airport back into Bangkok. She explained that she had sat at the airport for 5 hours wait listed for flights to Chiang Mai but never was able to get on one. She said she thought I was special and she really liked me. I tried to get her to meet me for a drink but she said she was going back to the airport at 6am and would not be able to. She also said she would send me her e-mail address so we could keep in touch without her boyfriend knowing.

 

The next day or the day after she sent me an SMS telling me that she broke up with her boyfriend again and the relationship is now over forever. She said she would like to talk with me and would I call her.

 

I called her, we had a nice, interesting conversation. Of course, I thought this has to be leading up to something and eventually she said that she would like to come and stay with me and that she would clean and cook for me. We ended up sort of agreeing that she would come stay with me on a temporary basis and we would take it from there. (also, it was acknowledged that at some point she would have to return to Chiang Mai to close up her apartment and get some things (meaning I would foot the bill for a couple of ChiangMai : BKK airfares as she was back in ChiangMai where she broke up with her boyfriend).

 

She arrived at my place the beginning of this week and it took 2 days before we had gone from the boyfriend saga to the Grand Mom saga. 2 days ago she found out her 97 year old Grand Mom (who had raised her and was like her Mom) had fainted and eventually gone into a coma. So, yesterday, she flew back to ChiangMai. She didn't ask me for any money for the couple of days she was with me (but I gave her some as she was leaving my apartment).

 

When she was leaving for her trip to ChiangMai to see her Grand Mom, I thought: is she really going to see her GrandMom? Is she actually going to ChaingMai? Does she really believe her relationship with her boyfriend is over? Was she only working in the bar for a few days? Is anything she said to me true or is she a pathological liar? I really had no idea - it could all be a bunch of lies or some could be true or..... So, I was thinking, I feel like I have been in a Soap Opera for a week - good, she is out of here and I will never let her back into my apartment!!, that's it!.

 

Then I thought: she is a trained traditional Thai massage person and gave me a massage every night; she enjoys cooking and fixed dinner each evening; she loves sex and I couldn't remember having a better time. So, I can't believe a word she says and she beat me out of a ChiangMai:BKK airfare. Do I really care if she lied?

 

Every or perhaps almost every, bar girl or free lancer I have met has had something in her story that sounded a bit unbelieveable to me. Maybe, all these ladiers make up stories as they go along to manipulate the situation into what they want. Maybe dealing with lies is a fact of BKK life.

 

So, maybe the question I have to ask myself is not "did she make some things up?". Maybe the question is, "can I maintain some control and allow her some leeway and was worth she worth it?".

 

As I close this post, I feel uneasy about taking her back when I don't trust her. But, is there a good alternative when dealing with ladies from the nightlife scene.

 

 

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Hi,

 

From what you posted, I'd be very leery. She spends a night with you, and then says she misses her boyfriend? And then when goes to him, calls you to tell you she now likes you better? Did she quit her job at Nana, for her traveling? If not, who was paying the bar fine? And then she finds out the family buffalo (I mean grandmother) is dying, and needs to rush back? :grinyes:

 

In any event, I would be looking at every little detail she was telling me, and checking it out. 5 hours at airport, and can't find a seat to to Chiang Mai? Flights to there leave every 30 minutes, if I remember correctly. I would be calling Thai Air to verify. And I would also be living in her bar, while she was not there, finding out if her story was true. If one thing she had told you was a blantant lie, I'd be out of there. Probably means the whole situation is a scam.

 

Girl I'm with now is not a B/G, but I still checked every little detail before I was sure. I've never once found the slightest inconsistancy to anything she has every told me. I finally gave up after many months.

 

If you are really serious about her, you need to ask many questions, and verify. Because your relationship is in it's infancy, she should understand you needing to know everything about her, before making a commitment. But then again, sounds like you may just like to be with her, and not caring if she is not being totaly straight forward with you. Just depends on what you are looking for in her.

 

Want a bar girl for a wife? Then you need to put this girl under a microscope, and do some homework. You're most likely dealing with a girl who's job description is to separate stupid farang from his money. It's what most do, and many can do very, very well. Mostly because they have a very willing audience, wanting to believe. You've already stated you do not trust her. Gut instincts are almost always correct.

 

Good luck, and keep us posted.

 

PS...it's all in the details. Grand mother dying in C.M.? Tell her you feel horrible, and insist on sending flowers to her. "BTW....what is hospital, name, and room number?"

 

She doesn't know? Then hand her a phone, to call family in C.M., to find out. She refuses to do?.......then you have your answer. I think the biggest thing they have going for them, is the gulible attitude of their customers. They want to believe the lies, and deception. Which allows the girls to make it up, as they go along. Which in your case, sounds pretty classic. You're supporting her, plus buying plane tickets for her to run off to be with hubby/boyfriend. May not be your case, but sure sounds like it. I'd bet big money she is laughing her ass off while at 30,000 feet, making her lunch selection, on her new-found free R/T flight back home.

 

Don't sweat it. You're not the first, or the last. Just chalk it up to experience. :)

 

HT

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>Later that day she sent me an SMS saying she was going back to Chiang Mai and her boyfriend and to please not call her (she had given me her number) as she didn't want any potential problems with her boyfriend. About 10pm that night she called me to say she was in a taxi on her way from the airport back into Bangkok.

 

Good post, HT. May I add something.

 

IMO, blatant lying. Seen a similar story unfolding in front of me, 2 years ago, heard of many such manouvres over and over again.

 

A bg had to meet her Japanese or Taiwanese, can't remember now, her regular customer the next day. He was there for a short stay and had told her he would be really disappointed if she turned him down again (she showed me his email).

 

Someone was trying to barfine her but she could not accept LT because she had to be at the airport the next day.

 

As soon as she established she could be there on time, she went with the man. Told him some similar bullshit and got away with it. Distracted the man, he was full of understanding for her, almost forgot what he had hired her for.

 

(She also did only 2-3 STs. I know the STs were 2-3 a day, she used to be one of rising stars in her bar).

 

When her customer departed, she was all over the previous night's pray.

 

In this case, it was her father dying, the guy paid (gave her cash) for the ticket. Surprise, surprise, Chiang Mai again. Must be one of the most expensive domestic air tickets.

 

He got her email address and she is still corresponding with him. With one limitation - she's been married in Sweden for some time now but the guy does not know that.

 

Sorry for raining on your parade.

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Well unlike HT, I wouldn't be too concerned at this point. And I wouldn't be worrying and checking up on her.

 

She a working girl......so you know there's got to be some shit in the background.....mai pen rai.

 

As long as she ain't hustling you for $$$ that you either don't got or can't afford ......... relax. Enjoy the company, the sex......hell she cook and cleans..........what DO you want? :grinyes:

Let it all progress at it's own rate.....cause it will anyway....... it's like a canoe trip......careful you don't tip it too much, relax and enjoy the scenery, even if you don't know where it's going, if you hit rapids, you can always beach it and sit on the shore til you get bored again. :grinyes:

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Then I thought: she is a trained traditional Thai massage person and gave me a massage every night; she enjoys cooking and fixed dinner each evening; she loves sex and I couldn't remember having a better time. So, I can't believe a word she says and she beat me out of a ChiangMai:BKK airfare. Do I really care if she lied?

 

If all you care about is enjoying yourself, I wouldn't worry too much, especially in the early stages of the relationship. If you were looking at persuing things further than being another "customer", you'd want to do a bit of digging.

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Hmmm...first, this story sounds very familiar, no details at the moment. As for the situation, enjoy it, and see what happens! I am reminded of something an old dear friend once told me. He was a retired airforce guy, married to a Thai woman for 30+ years. He said, "...my wife can lie, I don't mean little white lies, or fibs to make me feel better, I mean LIE! and if I catch her, she just keeps going, lieing, lieing lieing, I mean LIES!!!, part of the culture so you don't lose face..." he was knowlagable of LOS, and in an off way might be right here. But hell, if you are basically enjoying yourself, stay with it, maybe next time she needs to run off someplace, offer to go with her, see how that plays out, if she starts with "...why, you no believe me...?" and getting defensive, then something is up! But in the mean time, enjoy yourself...

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First of all we all lie from time to time. You, me, her, everyone tells lies, perhaps not everyday or pathologically, but we all lie. Second you aren't dumb.

 

I enjoy the whole process of the BG. From the moment I start to envision a liason until I'm slipping a 1000 baht note in her jeans pocket and giving her a hug and kiss goodbye. I willingly fall in love with every BG that I spend time with; however, it comes to a screetching halt as soon as she is out of range.

 

The choicest part of the process is when I actually meet someone who I genuinely like. I will usually add her to a short list of 'friend' with whom I spend some quality time with. I am bluntly honest about how I operate [butterfly] and that I am not looking for a girlfriend. Not unlike you I sometimes get hit with some unbelievable requests. I don't really feel like a sucker when I opt to help out, and you shouldn't either.

 

You owe it to yourself to enjoy your life. You define what this means but your post indicates that you are looking to spend some quality time with someone you trust. I would have to say that this person is putting up red flag after red flag. You already think she is lying, when she is away you are second guessing yourself, and lets face it that is not what you are looking for.

 

I would suggest that you set aside one or two nights a week where you go to places that do not cater to BG's, freelancers, whatever and try to meet a girl who can deliver what it is you want.

 

I don't mean to preach and i am assuming that you live in BKK or are spending a good deal of time there. Bangkok is a kick-ass international city with a great deal to do other than hanging around the bar scene. I think it's easy to fall in with a BG because all you have to do is walk into the bar, you don't even have to smile. 2 nights a week, interacting with people at temples, museums, gyms, wherever will really help you find what it is you are after.

 

Whatever you decide don't beat yourself up because someone you know is lying to your face. Forcing a program on someone who isn't interested will result in disaster for both of you. Enjoy it for what it is. I would enjoy the dinner, sex, massages, and even her company, but let her know what you are thinking and keep your feelings in check.

 

She makes you feel good you buy her plane tickets. What's so bad about that. Enjoy dude.

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Thanks to everyone for their comments.

 

HIGH THAIED: Your comment: You're supporting her, plus buying plane tickets for her to run off to be with hubby/boyfriend. May not be your case, but sure sounds like it. I'd bet big money she is laughing her ass off while at 30,000 feet, making her lunch selection, on her new-found free R/T flight back home.

 

I had the same thought. However, as long as she provides me with great value when she is with me, perhaps I will laugh my ass off when she is on her knees and I am ..... So, is anyone loosing here? BUT, on the other hand, I agree with the other observations you and others made and I do feel I should have concern that she will somehow be able to beat me out of a large amount of money or do something that will cause me to regret not ending communications with her.

 

LaoHuli: You said: As long as she ain't hustling you for $$$ that you either don't got or can't afford ......... relax. Enjoy the company, the sex......hell she cook and cleans..........what DO you want?

 

Thanks for the thought. This is the way I am looking at it at the moment. I just hope that something doesn't happen to make me regret this.

 

 

 

I don't have any other information at this time but will post when I do.

 

However, here are a couple of my other thoughts:

1) I went to the health club last evening and after some exercise my head felt more clear as it usually does and it hit me: her next move will be to ask me for money for hospital expense for GrandMom. If she does I will simply say that I can give her the monthly amount we agreed to if she stays with me but nothing more. If she tells me she will have to go back to bar if I don't give her money, I will say that would disappoint me but goodbye.

2) When she was leaving for the airport to go see her GrandMom she didn't ask me for money. As I mentioned above, I did give her some anyway. But, putting together the airfare and the money I gave her, the total comes to less than the expense for a lady for 1 hour back in the USA where I was living up to 6 weeks ago. And, she provided 3 days, massages, cooking and more great sex than I could have ever dreamed about.

3) Considering 1 and 2, if I simply manage to keep my head enough to not give her a large amount in response to some scam but get hit up for small amounts like the airfare (4,000 baht round trip) than I am still getting a bargain. But, I do feel I am putting myself at some risk...

 

I will post again when I have more info.

 

 

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