Guest Posted May 17, 2004 Report Share Posted May 17, 2004 So i met a nice girl in a gogo and she wants to have a relationship with me. I told her that I can try and be her boyfriend but I would have to get to know her better and spend more time with her. So i decided on my next trip ill spend a few weeks with her. Everything seems good, ie no bullshit except for 1 thing. When I get back she wants me to pay her outta the bar. Its gonna cost 10000 baht. So what I cant figure out is if she wants to take time off to see me without pay thats cool but why should I pay the bar also? Is this a "face thing"? She kinda mentioned it would look bad if she left the bar to spend time with me and then come back and work when I left. I suppose this kinda makes sense but this is almost the same as me paying her barfine for like 20 days. Another dilema for me is that I made a promise to myself to not get involved with girl from a gogo. Ive been in thailand 3 times now and all ive done those trips is butterfly. This is really all I feel like doing but this girl is a little different than others and I kinda wanna spend time with her cause I enjoy it. The problem is I dont want to give her the impression that im gonna marry her but I think if I tell her she can be my girlfriend than thats what she is gonna think. Should I dump her now and avoid any potential problems? Tell her that I want to be her boyfriend but it will never lead to anything else than temporary relationship? I dont think many thai girls just want boyfriends only...but thats all i can offer her. Any advice? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
torrenova Posted May 17, 2004 Report Share Posted May 17, 2004 The "buy a girl out of the bar" cost is part scam part truthful. The official line is that by paying the fee, the girl can go back to work in the bar should she want to, if things don't work out. In reality, she will usually get a cut from this money. She could also just finish work on pay day and you would not have to pay this fine. Next, if she stops work, then you are going to have to support her or she will be servicing someone else's cock ASAP. If you are not there all the time but sending her money, she will likely still drop back into the game either full time or as a freelancer. IF she really wants out and likes you, then she will need and want more than a part time temporary boyfriend. You say that you cannot give that so don't even try. See her when you come over, play it by ear for a couple of days and then maybe barfine her for a week or so to see where it goes. I bet that you'll get sick of her demands and be back in butterfly mode within the week. You know the answer already - it is in your post. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
think_too_mut Posted May 17, 2004 Report Share Posted May 17, 2004 >In reality, she will usually get a cut from this money. 2,3 or 4 K back to her. On 10K usually 4K. Works out that you will save the bar from paying her last salary, plus 4K her commission and make her quit on good terms. Very common to be asked to pay the "bar exit fee" (by the girl leaving) when a relationship is starting on a shaky ground. Of course, she can simply take her last envelope and never come again, you don't have to pay anything to the bar to take her out. It's more her "insurance" that she'll be taken back if she wanted/had to come back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted May 17, 2004 Report Share Posted May 17, 2004 Yeah I figured that paying for the pay was a good idea on her part because if things dont work out between us she will at least be on good terms with the bar and can go back to work. Just some more info for you guys...she is pretty young and has only been working for a few months. Ive got her to tell me a lot about herself and I dont think she is lying about anything. Ive grilled her pretty hard. Anyway I kinda see why she wants me to pay for that bar exit fee... she didnt insist on it either but said rather she would lose face if it didnt happen without actually saying it that way to me. She is compeletely willing to leave the bar for me but like I said im not ready to let her burn her bridges and if things dont work out between is it justs screws her up. I still dont understand why these girls want these relationships. Im pretty young myself and I think if I was closer to an age where I might consider marriage and settling down then I might consider marrying a Thai girl...maybe. One thing ive learned is that my life wouldnt have the perspective it has now if it wasnt for thailand and especially thai women. I mean this in a good way Thanks for the interesting reads torrenova, cardinalblue, and think_too_mut. Definately answered my question about paying out the bar. Cheers, Ed Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BelgianBoy Posted May 17, 2004 Report Share Posted May 17, 2004 Ed, Ok, one more point of view here....... you met her in a sex environment, you were attracted to her because of sex, you had sex with her already. Is a relation based on sex a good start in life ? Is she educated ? Could she study more ? Will you support her financially for all the time untill such time as she can join you in Canada ? Food for though. BB Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
llso Posted May 17, 2004 Report Share Posted May 17, 2004 I think i will have to jump in on this one. In my nearly four years of living here this is the one thing that irks me the most about the P4P scene. This is complete and utter nonsense. Thjese girls are not bonded labor or property as some others have mentioned. The only reason the girls go along with this bullshit is that they usually get a cut of this money. 10,000 Baht is a lot of money in Thailand. In my opinion these bar owners are no better than pimps. Any young good looking girl can get a job at another bar with no problem. This is one scam that somebody came up with and the others joined in. I know of one instance where a girl worked at a bar for 3 days and the guy was asked to pay this out the bar. If things don't work out between you and the girl you would be much better off giving her the 10,000 Baht than some greedy bar owner. I don't even like the idea of paying the barfine and havent in over two years. The girls seem to have some strange sense of loyalty to the bar. As they say it's "up to you". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
torrenova Posted May 17, 2004 Report Share Posted May 17, 2004 llso said:In my opinion these bar owners are no better than pimps. Any young good looking girl can get a job at another bar with no problem. This is one scam that somebody came up with and the others joined in. I know of one instance where a girl worked at a bar for 3 days and the guy was asked to pay this out the bar. If things don't work out between you and the girl you would be much better off giving her the 10,000 Baht than some greedy bar owner. I don't even like the idea of paying the barfine and havent in over two years. The girls seem to have some strange sense of loyalty to the bar. As they say it's "up to you". Girls can get other jobs at other bars but there is a limit to the time they can fuck off their bosses. Eventually word gets round and jobs become thinner on the ground. Also, outside the busy periods, there are far more girls than there are jobs. So you don't like barfines. OK. I suppose you arrange to meet after the bar closes. No offense, but not one of my girls would meet you and they'd most likely tell me. Again not personal, but that is standard practise for cheap charlies and thats not what they are after. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pescator Posted May 18, 2004 Report Share Posted May 18, 2004 Hi Ilso, In my opinion these bar owners are no better than pimps Well, from my understanding of the definition of the word "pimp", although I haven´t exactly looked it up they are definitely pimps. They may beat around the bush but that doesn´t really change the facts. I am not trying to have a go at beer bar owners, I have frequented a few beer bars along the way myself, I just call a spade a spade. Cheers Hua Nguu Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted May 18, 2004 Report Share Posted May 18, 2004 Quote: "Torrenova -- Puhleeze! IF you really think your bar, that has girls for hire and charges barfines, is anything more than a brothel that serves drinks, you need to stop rationalizating and go see a shrink. It's a brothel...you're a pimp...end of story. Fully agree! As for paying an exit fee - has anybody in a free society ever paid an exit fee - NO! Common sense says NO. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
llso Posted May 18, 2004 Report Share Posted May 18, 2004 I just want to clarify that when I said I haven't paid a barfine in over two years I was not referring to trying to meet a go-go girl after work to avoid a barfine. I am not a tourist anymore and don't need to pay 125 baht for a beer or a 600 baht barfine. If I do decide to take a girl I go to places like Gullivers,Beer Garden Soi 7 ,Thermae,Nana Disco or any one of a hundred late night noodle stands on Sukumvit. Many of these girls are in fact the very same girls that work in beer bars and go-go's. Maybe they should be required to collect a barfine after work as well if they go with a customer. Also you said that any punter who refuses to pay this out the bar fee might be his "last mistake". Now if that's not extortion I don't know what is. I just hope that some hapless Falang isn't intimidated into paying this fee by that comment. BTW, I've taken two girlfriends out of the bar and refused to pay anything. If a girl doesn't get the boyfriend to pay this out the bar fee she's fucking over the bar owner. Give me a break. LL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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