Another Sinsot thread

[Guest]

Hi JJ,

 

Good advise.

 

I guess I'm just looking for a basis point, from which to work from. And you are right, that the rules seem to be all over board (no pun intended). And it does seem to be a situation of 'make-it-up-as-you-go-along. But real-life experiences would be helpful to me. Understanding girl's position, and parent's, and the resulting baht paid, can only be helpful in detirmining a basis point, from which I can work.

 

HT

[Nervous_Dog]

Hi HT - actually Thai guys DO get the money back! Im the little village I come from (hehehhe)) they are VERY poor, but they young lads always seem to rustle up a few baht of gold at least! Thats a lot for them!

 

Then they get it back from the family.

 

Wealthy families I have been to weddings, same thing, in fact recently at one wedding at some fancy hotel, they just went up and GAVE the stuff to the couple in front of every one,

 

DOG -

[soongmak]

I think the base point in your negotiations should be that you're not willing to pay a sin sot and that quite frankly, the practice of sinsot is insulting to you. In your culture, sinsot means buying a wife, and that is an insult. We don't put a price on love.

 

We have two cultures here, and yours is just as important as hers. I can't offer you insights in negotiations as in my situation there weren't any. My wife is an orphan, but even I was supposed to pay a sinsot, as a sign that i was wealthy enough to take care of my wife. I paid reluctantly 60,000 baht in the end, and the money was returned to us and we used it to pay for a part of the wedding.

 

Sinsod is real in thailand and so is double pricing. If you're willing to play along from the beginning, the sinsod you have to pay may skyrocket. after all you're a wealthy farang, yes? So be tough from the outset.

 

Good luck!

[BelgianBoy]

My turn......

 

Engaged to my GF already, but we skipped the party, both her parents have fully accepted me.

 

Sinsot is not an issue for us and it is already decided that a very large cheque will be in plain view at the wedding.

Cheque to be returned in full at the same evening of the wedding.

Face only......

Now then, still need to decide a wedding date somewhere in 2007-2008 ????

 

BTW, all of her 6 brothers paid sinsot, all to have it returned in full.

Tradition only.

 

BB

[Guest]

Quote

"Her plan is to work here, so she can come up with required sin sot, so that we can go back to Thailand, and be married there. Yes....I'm not kidding. She wants to pay her own sin sot"

 

Looks like somebody else is stealing my lines!

 

For sin sot, my girl friend plans on taking care of that. Right now, she is working to make everything look good. She has bought a car, she just bought a 2 story house in the suburbs, new furniture, etc. This she has done with her own money. Yes I have thrown in a few thousand baht, but nothing of any large amount. She is a university graduate, has a great job.

 

As for her family, her father has been calling me his son-in-law for some time. What has smoothed our relationships is that I have adviced her family on several matters which, believe it or not, they appreciated. Another factor that has bridged the differences is that they find it hard to believe that a falang is aware of much of their culture. For example, her father loves Quain Yin. As a gift, I gave him two amulets of Quain Yin. This impressed him. My girl friend recently experienced 2 deaths in her family. The last one was her grand mother. Her father, spend several weeks with his mother-in-law, praying that when she dies, she will be in the blissful state so as not to have to come back. When my girl friend told me this, I understood and even added my own comments which she found interesting. Its little things like this that I believe make one socially acceptable or not.

[pattaya127]

The fact is, she has to live with being called stupid every day, for remaining faithful to our relationship.

-----------------------------

Why? It seems you have not been adopted in that family, or they have plans for their daughter that someone must fill, farang or another.

 

I sense there are points in your RS set-up (incl. the family) that are part of the story, more than just the traditional offering of sin sod. i would understand they are private enough to keep for yourself.

 

Totally out on a limb, but i am afraid after you guys are married and living abroad, they may still find reasons of their own to find her stupid still. This woman does not seem to have the esteem or trust of her parents, somehow.

 

PS: BTW, maybe it should be: another sinsod threaT!

[soongmak]

Totally out on a limb, but i am afraid after you guys are married and living abroad, they may still find reasons of their own to find her stupid still. This woman does not seem to have the esteem or trust of her parents, somehow.

 

I think this is a bit harsh. If she were my daughter, I would not be thrilled to see her hang out with a midle-aged married man. If anything, it shows that her parents have her best interest at heart. The only thing HT can do to win them over is to divorce his wife and commit to his GF, IMO.

[Guest lazyphil]

They might suspect HT at his age and times in LOS he has dark history and think their precious daughter marrying a former whoremonger with dark history is about as unappealing thought to them as it is for HT marrying a bar girl, frankly!....I think their face in their community and the happyness of their daughter is high on their list of prioritys!

[Guest]

Hi P,

 

I appologise for not making myself more clear. It's her friends, and their friends, that are leery of her relationship with me, not her parents. Example is her roommates British b/f, who is always telling her to drop me, and continually trying to hook her up with his friends. That's one sorry white ass I'm going to kick, *immediatly* upon my next arrival. ::

 

She is quite closed mouth about us regarding her mom, although mother asks about me at every opportunity. Mother is very much aware of our love for one another. But g/f has not approached the subject, pending our engagment. After that, she will then feel free to explore the situation of what exactly her parents (mom) are expecting, in terms of sin sot, and the return of such, if any. Until then, it will remain a mystery, what is really lurking in her mom's mind.

 

Parent's btw, know I was married before (although don't know has not been yet finalized), and I've spent some quality time with them, on a number of occasions. Her whole family is exstremely nice, and nothing there but really good relationships, so far. Went alone with parent's to Ang Thong early morning market, and khun mae (mother) was tripping all over herself to introduce me to every vendor there. Her whole family is very sweet, and very accepting of me.

 

HT

[MisterBlonde]

A real life example i know of is my expat friend in Pattaya who 2 weeks ago married a 17 year old very cute virgin...limited education,poor village....and he is 53 and wealthy in Thai terms.....he paid 50,000 baht,none given back and the mother none to happy about the perceived low sinsot.

 

An extreme example is of my ex TG here in Sydney who comes from a very wealthy Thai family....she tells me her mother fully expects 10 mio baht as sinsot.

 

Your'e somewhere inbetween,good luck