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When I Was a Newbie


zanemay

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12/12/99

 

Written long ago...

Today showed how many interesting things can happen in Thailand, even when you aren't doing anything. The days had ticked off to 30 and it was time for me "fix my visa." Months ago I had booked six flights through the Thai Air "Amazing Thailand" package. One of them was to Narathiwat because I had wanted to see the extreme south of LOS. I would!

At 7:00 AM I checked out of Green Guest House at Kata Beach On Phuket Island. I had asked the woman who did my laundry if she had a car and would take me to the airport. She was happy to arrange. Her husband ended up taking me and he was ready to go on time. For the 20 mile trip I paid him 400 baht - about $9. I arrived at the airport in plenty of time for my 9:10 departure. Which was good because for the first time in my experience the plane left early! We were rolling down the runway at 9:05. They can't do that!!

Before departing, however, I was sitting in lounge by the gate eating my "breakfast" - a Dairy Queen Hawaiian Blizzard - that soft icecream with some syrupy pineapple goop and a banana blended in. A Chinese man came up and said loudly, "Having breakfast!" He was with two lovely girls who sat a little distance away. He began talking a blue streak and since it was in English I paid attention. He said he was from San Francisco China Town and was a gold dealer in Phuket. He made a comment about my bald head: "You not get mad? Chinese have saying, "Bald man much good sex." Then shouted over to the girls in Chinese. They just looked miffed and turned their backs. "They are mad at me," he said. "They say, 'You always talk about sex!' So what. It is a man thing."

But anyway, he was an affable sort. He said he was taking the girls to Malaysia to do some work and that they were saving money to go to the United States. They were dressed in business clothes and looked like accountants or shop girls. Little did I know! Boarding was called and he got up, said goodbye to me, and followed the girls toward the gate. I went to the gate too and he was surprised. Naturally. There were only about 6 passengers going to Narathiwat. Later I would find out why virtually no one goes there. But it was later to become significant that he did not think I was going on his flight.

The plane took off for the 45 minute flight and I settled in my seat. After awhile the man came by and said hello. "Sit down, my friend!" I said. I wanted to know anything he had to tell me, which was probably quite a lot. We talked about his work in Phuket and he showed me the Gold Buddhas he sells. He asked me why I was going to Narathiwat and I told him I needed to cross the border and come back to get another 30 days in the country. He told me he was going to visit a very respected friend in Malaysia and that I could go along with him and the girls. A rather interesting proposal! Spending time with real people and away from tourists. So many people have done similar things for me. So I told him it sounded good except that I didn't know him. He said Western people make walls around themselves. I agreed with that. We chatted somemore and I asked him what kind of work the girls would be doing. "Sell body," he said. "I am not pimp. I just help the girls as friend." Oh, yeah! But always curious, I asked the academic question, "How much?" "3,000 baht." 3,000 baht! Wow! That is a lot of money here. Anyway, now that the cat was out of the bag and running around the house, I told him that I wasn't feeling too good about the "sell body" aspect of the trip and would just go on my own as planned.

After the short hop from Phuket to Narathiawat I made a quick stop in the airport toilet which almost caused me to miss the mini-van to the border. They leave quickly after the plane arrives. But I did catch it and then spent a long hour and a half going through the countryside. When we reached the border city, I expected that perhaps other passengers would be on my mission - namely, to perform the ritual of leaving Thailand and coming back in. This way my tourist visa is good for another 30 days. I was surprised to discover that no one in the minivan was on the same mission and I was going to be on my own. I really was not sure of the process. Was it automatic? Could I be denied a return entry? I have heard many bad things about the inconsistency of Thai bureaucracy. As usual, a friendly stranger intervened and provided wonderful help. This time it was the young man next to me in the minivan who hadn't spoken for the whole ride. When we reached the border city he asked me where I was going in pretty fair English. I told him I was crossing the border and I wanted to know if the minibus would then take me back to Narathiwat. No, the minibus was going to take some other passengers further into Malaysia.

When my new friend was discussing my situation with the driver another passenger stepped in. He was the personnel manager at a large hotel. He said he would help me by letting me leave my bags at the hotel while I did my business at the border. When I came back the hotel taxi would take me to the bus station to go back to Narathiwat. No charge. No problem. Likewise the border business was surprisingly trouble free.

The Thai passport control man was not too friendly when I left the country, and I worried a little about being allowed back in. When I finished the entering Malaysia and leaving Malaysia process and walked back into Thailand I was directed to the entry passport control window where the man took my papers with a stern glance. He looked them over and said something that sounded rather gruff. "What?" I said, not understanding. "George Bush or Al Gore?" he asked. Much relieved, I got into a good-humored chat with him about how bad Bush was. The undecided presidential election is an international scandal on a large scale and point of shame and disgust to me. Of course no one in Thailand can perceive any difference between the candidates and they are right. They both suck.

But anyway, happily stamped, I returned to the hotel and then went on to the bus station. After another hour and a half I was deposited in Narathiwat, a fishing village with a large Moslem influence. The Moslems don't like anyone but Allah and other Moslems, so the especially don't like Buddhists and they definitely don't like white tourists. We are all Infidels to them. The tension that they cause permeates the entire aura of the city. Thailand is not "the Land of Smiles" here. Well...with the possible exception of the first floor of the Narathiwat Hotel.

I picked it out of Lonely Planet Guidebook, carefully skipping the first listing that was described as "a thinly disguised brothel." I have seen other listings like this and I always avoid them because I assume they will be noisy and that perhaps my luggage will not be secure. The guidebook said the Narathiwat Hotel was a very good deal and something about getting an upstairs room because the "trade" downstairs might keep you awake. I assumed there was a bar downstairs. Upon arriving at the hotel, a wizened little Thai man escorted me to the room. We went out the back of the front building, across a walkway, and into a building where the rooms were. We had to walk through the entire first floor to get to the steps going up. A woman sat or squatted in each of the doorways. Uh-oh. But the second floor seemed to be its own world and I asked the two fellows who were chatting there if there was any problem from downstairs. They said none and that hotel man locks the front door at 10:00 PM. Okay, no problem. I went to register. Of course every time I passed through the first floor the women smiled grandly at me and made comments to each other. They were all rather plain and dressed in shorts and T-shirts. A couple were pretty good looking, but one was fat and old and looked much the worse for long, long wear. She smiled at me the most broadly by far through some very bad teeth. The women didn't seem to be very busy at this hour and they were never especially busy that I noticed.

Later that night I sat in the walkway with the desk man and asked him about a bus out of town in the morning. As we talked the ugly one came and sat across from us. The desk man gave me the information I needed and then went off. Was he trying to give me and the old girl privacy. Eee gad! She wasted no time scooting from her place to moving in right next to me. She wasted no time in advertising her assets and skills. She cupped her fat tits in her hand and said, "Very big. You like." "No. I don't like. Thank you. No woman." "Make love numbah one. Me. Very good. Numbah one." "No woman, no fuck, no thank you," I said, entirely grossed out. As with most Thais who are trying to sell something, she was not discouraged. She simply started over with the breasts and the "numbah one" business. I beat a hasty retreat to my room. I am happy to say the girls respected the division of the floors.

Sanuk Dee

Zane

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Nice report...LOL at your ending...my nightmare also!

Just curious...in your opinion...and if you still make the visa dash...does it ever get any easier??? Seems like the biggest drag about living in LOS.

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quote:

Originally posted by Sammy1000:

Just curious...in your opinion...and if you still make the visa dash...does it ever get any easier??? Seems like the biggest drag about living in LOS.

IMHO probably the most comfortable way to do the visa would be to become a regular at flying to Phenom Penh. There are plenty of comforts and diversions there and you can pick up a 60 day visa. One of my favorite activities was to smoke a little grass and then hop in a cyclo a be pedaled slowly around the nicer places like the waterfront and Wat Phenom. I only did this run once but I look back on it as something I wouldn't mind doing again.

Zane

[ July 11, 2001: Message edited by: Zane May ]

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