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Surin-The Simple Life


Central Scrutinizer

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Surin-The Simple Life

The days flow past in a lazy and tranquil repose. We wake early and share the chores. Although it has taken a while for her to get used to a man helping about, she now seems okay with a little help here and there. I hope I've not spoiled the wench. Water is heated for our "hot showers". The hot water machine is plugged in for our 3 in 1 instant Nescafe mugs of coffee. Sounds gross I know, but actually it's kinda tasty. Ask Long Gun. Breakfast and lunch is prepared for look sow's (daughter's) day of schooling at Muangsurin School. The radio is turned low to a Surin radio station playing Isaan songs of love lost and unrequited. Crickets still chirp merrily in the strengthening dawn light. It's early! I light the first cigarette of the day, and grab a seat at my daughter's desk. With a flashy red pen in hand I scribble my thoughts and deeds onto a lined pad of school paper I've swiped from my daughter's school supplies. She owes me one. Her and her friend Sara used my last pad to color on, the little brats! I pen my promised hour's verse every morning, as I had promised myself to do this time over. Except Sundays of course, my day of rest. (As if I need a day of rest here.) Although I'm not religious I agree that one day a week is needed to do absolutely nothing. I do nothing but read both the Bangkok Post and The Nation, and relax over eggs, coffee, marmalade and toast. It's my way of keeping the Lord's day a holy one. Being an agnostic I get to choose which holy edicts I wish to follow. I also choose not to murder or steal, at least for today. As I can only remember one other commandment, the one about not coveting thy neighbor's wife, which I don't, she's not that pretty, I figure I'm doing my holy best. And please, don't clue me in to the rest of the commandments. I prefer to remain ignorant. It's taken me a long time to forget what the nuns beat into my pointy, evil, little head. Ignorance truly is bliss. I'd like to stay blissful, thank you.

The cool early morning November Surin air wafts in through the open glass slider doors, ruffling the oddly printed, god awful colored, window curtains my lovely lass chose for the blocking of sunlight and prying eyes. The smell of the orchids and other flowers and plants in the front yard carries in to my cigarette smoke damaged olfactory sensors. The neighborhood mongrel dogs growl, howl, bark, and snap at each other. Making a general nuisance of themselves as always. Once again I remember my late night desire to buy some rat poison and buffalo meat. Don't get me wrong. I love dogs. Have a retarded one myself, big ol' galoot he is too. Would this be considered murder? Or canineicide? These fucking mutts are a real nuisance, and the one half of most of Surin's noise pollution. The other half mainly consisting of faulty motocyke mufflers, and old Thai women who can't seem to communicate in less than a full fledged cackling yodel of voice. One problem with Thai's is no one every seemed to teach them about responsible pet ownership. I may be a boob, but even I have the sense to keep my dog from sitting around under everyones widows at 3 a.m. howling his damn fool head off with all his buddies! Plus this one poor mutt next door has the worst case of mange I've ever seen. The muthafugga looks like some huge, pink, mutant, hairless gerbil baby. I feel sorry for him, but he's so goddamned ugly I have to throw a rock at him to chase him away any time he comes within view. It's painful and disturbing to witness his plight. His owners should be horsewhipped. Poor bugger. Even the other dogs avoid him he's so fucking ugly.

After finishing my meager scribblings I take a seat out front on the tiled, roofed patio, and relax a while in the morning sunlight on the hand carved, wooden lounge chair I've come to truly love. 2,000 baht very well spent. Damned comfortable it is. I smoke my fourth cigarette of the day, and read the papers while taking full advantage of Old Sol's warming and vitamin enriched rays. Fuck the scientists and doctors and their warnings of skin cancer and premature wrinkles. It just feels too damned good not to do. Especially as I reflect on my not being able to do this in the Boston area in late November without freezing my nuts off. The soothing rays of the sun, and the soothing news I read from around the world, on pulp paper with cheap ink which always dirties my hands, news about my fellow man's love for his fellow man produces a reptile like lethargy in my body and mind. I nod off for a bit and bask under sunny blue skies to the chirping and cawing of birds whose names I still don't know.

Waking a half hour later, probably from my own water buffalo-like snoring, I look about as I stretch like a lazy old fat cat, carefully, and with much grimacing while joints crack and moan at this outrageous form of exercise that never used to crack and moan just a few short years ago. Ah, the joys of aging!

I spy my lady bending over at some domestic chore through the open doorway, raising within me a desire to once again consumate my wedding vows. Mine went something like "I promise to love, honor, provide, and screw our brains out everday." Something like that anyway I believe it was. Damn, her tush drives me nuts, and wild with desire! I'm a horny old dog, thank God! Woof, woof.

I rise from my wooden throne of lassitude and lethargy and, sneaking quietly on bared feet, give the lass an early suprise Christmas goose, eliciting a squeal and a giggle followed by a sniff kiss and a murmered "tahlueng" in my ear. Her eyes sparkle like polished obsidian in the morning sunlight. Her smile lights my heart and rivals the now fully risen star we circle daily. As I grab her she puts her hands on my chest laughing, and tilts her head toward the kitchen. Damn! Sis is still here puttering about the kitchen. I release my lecherous hold on my beloved's waist and stride into the kitchen.

Sis is giggling, knowing what I'm about to say. "Hey Sis, don't you have a friend you need to visit for an hour or two about now?" I propose this gently, and with some tact I might add, yet with the insistence of the rightly horny bastard I can be when my mind is set on the release of the seed of future generations as goofy as myself. "What you do darling?" my lass inqires from the doorway, as if she didn't know. "I'm getting rid of the witness dear." I quip. "Huh?" she grunts back, confused at the unknown English word. "I'm gonna kill you, and I don't want anyone to see or hear me." I whisper in her ear. "Why you want to kill me, tilac?" she whispers, grinning back. The play must be acted through. It's well rehearsed. We all know our lines. "I don't want to kill you darling." I say back to her quietly, "But Godzilla wants to kill and eat you! He's hungry!"

"Eeeeeeeeeeiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!" she screams in mock horror, as she slips from my perverted grasp and runs fleeing into the hong nam, slamming the door on my hot pursuit. Through the door she tells me Godzilla is tahlueng mahk. I laugh as I hear her splashing water on herself in preparation for her forthcoming sacrificial devouring by the monster of my lust. "Godzilla ain't the only thing tahlueng about here my dear!"I think to myself with a chuckle and a leer.

Sis enters the living room and informs me with a knowing smirk that she is going to visit a friend and do some shopping for tonight's barbeque in the front yard. "Good!" I say guiding her to the door. She heads for her motocyke and informs me she'll be back in two hours time. "That should be sufficient." I inform her snidely, smiling. "Huh?" she says also, trying to figure out the big English word. "Okay." I say in explanation. She fires up the old Suzuki and putters off in a cloud of fumes.

An hour or so later Godzilla and I nod off after slaking our carnal thrist with some strenuous licking, sucking, and thrusting. The sacrificial virgin devoured thoroughly, and snoring lightly herself I might add if I wasn't such a gentleman.

I've got it made. Ah yes! The simple life. What better for a simpleton of simple needs such as myself?

The end.

Cent

[ January 04, 2002: Message edited by: Cent ]

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Thanks Cent. I've always wanted to ask this. Am I correct to assume that you are the same Cent as in Pattayalovers?

I used to know a girl from Surin. I've not been there myself. On her last visit back home she says that she went into a feeding frenzy. Her mother was cooking her a chicken almost everyday (fresh from the farm). And she is as skinny as a stick.

Are there no chickens where you stay? You don't mention the noise pollution problem caused by all the roosters crowing. This is not just in the morning as some people would think, it is all day.

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Handy,

You queried:

"Thanks Cent. I've always wanted to ask this. Am I correct to assume that you are the same Cent as in Pattayalovers?"

Do you mean the Pattayalovers web site where the stories and such are? If yes, than yes, that's me. If you mean the message board, than no. I've not posted on the message board in quite a few months. Too many goddamned wankers and flamers on their message board too tolerate. (At least the few months I was on it. Might have changed since.) Some nice guys too though, but I just haven't had much time lately. The list owner is a friend, and I give him my stories to post on his website if he wants.

.."I used to know a girl from Surin. I've not been there myself. On her last visit back home she says that she went into a feeding frenzy. Her mother was cooking her a chicken almost everyday (fresh from the farm). And she is as skinny as a stick."

I can imagine! If she' a skinny little thing than all the relatives, especially her Mum, will be trying to fatten her up! Food is a big deal with the Thais. Seems to take up most of their day just preparing and eating it!

.."Are there no chickens where you stay? You don't mention the noise pollution problem caused by all the roosters crowing. This is not just in the morning as some people would think, it is all day."

Well, I have a house we built in the village. There, in the village, there are tons of those noisy damned fowl crowing all day, and half the friggin' night too. I usually suggest we eat the noisiest ones. I think they taste best! :-)

But, in Surin I also rent a house. (The village is an hour's drive away, and my daughter now goes to school in Surin.) So in Surin where I live (When I'm there. I've yet to move over there permanently.) there aren't any roosters about the neighborhood, thankfully. So we spend our weeks in Surin while the daughter goes to school, and usually spend the weekends at the house in the village, visiting her Mum and sisters and friends.

For everyone's information, those who want to know how I can afford this........no, I am not rich by any means. But it is cheap to build a house in the village. (Mine cost around 20,000 US$ to build. I did it over a few years, as I could afford to do it. The house in Surin is a rental. This is a deal really! I have a small house in a development (the houses are all basically the same in this neighborhood) near the outskirts of Surin. Takes about ten minutes or so to get to the "downtown" area of Surin by motocyke or car. The new Makro's about the same distance the other way. It has three bedrooms, two bathrooms, (both with showers, but not hot water heaters yet I'm sad to say!) a living room, and a kitchen area with double sink. Also has a small front yard which is fenced, and a driveway which is gated and can be locked, with a carport roof. Plus a tiled floored front patio with a roof and a small tiled "bench" along the front for sitting, where I have my wooden lounge chair and a couple of plastic chairs (read: not stools, chairs!) :-)

This costs me 3,500 baht a month! Around 85 USD a month. This is cheap, and a great little deal for a house! Not a bad place actually. I could live there full time, no problem really.

So, as the house was paid for as it was built, and the rental is so damned cheap, it is very affordable to "live" there. Mainly just pay rent for the house, electricity, gas for cooking, and the mobile phone....for monthly bills. Plus food and booze of course. Plus I pay for our daughter's schooling, which really isn't a lot every year. A few hundred bucks a year.

Just thought some would want an idea on how much this might cost if they ever want to try this themselves, or to get an idea as to how much it costs if they are setting up their lass in Isaan. (I've heard these prices are around the going rates in Isaan.) The wife found the rental in just two days, we went to look at it, she liked it, I approved, and the deal was done. We've had it for about a year or so now.

Cent

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Old Hippie,

You wrote:

"Cent,

 

Great post! I envy you tremendously!!"

Firstly thanks. I'm glad you enjoyed the story. Thanks for telling me so. I appreciate the feeback. I sometimes wonder how these non "gogo bar/pussy conquest" stories go over with the members. As I'm married now, and been a domesticated man for a few years prior, I haven't much to write about the sexual areas of Thailand's nightlife scene. I just write about other aspects of my times now in Thailand, and hope some enjoy them, and maybe learn about different things I've experienced outside the scene.

However, don't be so envious just yet! :-) I've been out of work the past 14 months with a serious back injury which I acquired on the job. I returned to the US on the 15th December for my second back operation.......not fun....and still very painful. One reason I can't sit and type much right now. It hurts too damned much really. The next, and last operation, at least for this year, is scheduled for the end of Febuary. Then another two months of healing before I can start physical therapy. AND, I'm stuck in balmy (not) Boston for a while, and we are expecting a snow storm to start any minute now.....prediction is 6 to 8 inches of the lovely white shit. Fuck! (I hate the cold and snow!)

So I'm hardly one to envy at the moment! :-)

Glad you liked the story. More to come when I can sit and type it up. I wrote everything in longhand while away. (No laptop yet, or land line phone in either the village or Surin to hook a cheap computer to.) Which should be done by the summer, plus I'll be buying a laptop then too, so I can travel about the countryside and write anywhere.

Later Old Hippie,

Cent

p.s. I'm an old hippie myself btw!

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Cent,

Sorry to hear about the back injury. I'm dealing with a work related knee right now, sucks doesn't it? But on the bright side, it will end, and you will be home in Surin in no time!!! As for the stories, I love hearing about life in Thailand. Sooner or later I'll end up there again for good. Not sure where, I'm partial to the beaches, the (current) old lady thereis from Buriram, so who knows what another 15 years will bring? But I love hearing and learning about all aspects of life there, reguardless of whether it is "sanuk" related! smile.gif" border="0 I suppose one could argue, if you have a life you enjoy, then taht is "sanuk" enough, the rest is just gravy! Well, anyway, thanks for sharing! An old hippie yourself you say, well if you are ever in the Bay area, look me up, we'll tour the Haight and the panhandle, and maybe get maced by the cops for nostolgia's sake smile.gif" border="0!! Get well soon!

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Cent:

I've been to both of the Pattayalovers places you mentioned. I agree with you about the board. I left there a few months ago too for the same reasons. Enjoy all your stories too.

Actually the girl that I mentioned also built a house there for herself for about the same price as you mentioned.

It's a long shot, but by any chance do you know a Brit english teacher named Graham whose living there and married to a Thai lady?

Sorry to hear about your back. I wish you a speedy recovery. Keep up the writing when you can.

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Handyman,

 

"I've been to both of the Pattayalovers places you mentioned. I agree with you about the board. I left there a few months ago too for the same reasons."

Yeah same here. Too much crap.

"Enjoy all your stories too."

Thanks. That's always nice to hear!

"Actually the girl that I mentioned also built a house there for herself for about the same price as you mentioned."

Yeah, it's about average I'd say, unless you go whole hog. I just let her build it the way she wanted mostly, with a few suggestions of my own thrown in along the way.

"It's a long shot, but by any chance do you know a Brit english teacher named Graham whose living there and married to a Thai lady?"

Hmmmm, wow! This is weird but while I was in a customs building in a town, I can't remember the name of it right now, anyhow it's close to the Cambo border, I ran into a Brit guy getting his visa renewed also. We chatted a bit. I had seen him on my way there riding a motocyke down the highway. The only farang I had seen that day. I found it amusing, as he was a tall fellow, and looked a bit out of place on a motocyke out there in hell and gone. I had commented about him to my wife as we drove by. We had to stop past the customs building to get a couple of passport photos made. I believe this guy may have been who you are asking about. I'm not entirely positive about the name, but it was Graham I think, maybe something similar. Those Brits have a lot of funny names. :-) He told me he was a teacher of English and lived in Buriram with his Thai wife and taught there, and that he was British. I even asked him if he was on the internet at all, but he explained he had no phone connection where he was, so wasn't able to get on-line. I remember I even asked Long Gun about him, as his wife's family is from that area, and I thought maybe he knew the guy. I left the customs place before he was done. I did say to the wife that Buriram was quite a ride over there on a motocyke, and she said "Oh no. Not so far." and showed me where the highway from Buriram connected to the highway we were on to get to the customs shack. I wonder if this was him? Nice guy, rather tall, not too old...I'd say mid to late 30's maybe early fortyish at most.

"Sorry to hear about your back. I wish you a speedy recovery. Keep up the writing when you can."

Thanks. I will. It just makes me grumpy sometimes, and I can't sit for very long usually. Although today I've felt good and been on the net all damned day! :-)

Cent

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Must be too many Brit English teachers over there. It's not the same guy by the sounds of it. I could have pictured him the way you described him on the motorbike though. Graham is 56, tall, doesn't live in Buriram, and teaches in Bangkok most of the time, sometimes in Pattaya, but nothing in the last year. You're likely to cross paths sooner or later. There's probably not that many farangs out in that neck of the woods.

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Just thought some would want an idea on how much this might cost if they ever want to try this themselves, or to get an idea as to how much it costs.

Firstly thanks. I'm glad you enjoyed the story. Thanks for telling me so. I appreciate the feeback. I sometimes wonder how these non "gogo bar/pussy conquest" stories go over with the members.

Hi there Cent I'm one of the many who appreciate your tales of the rural Thailand, I have finished with the girlie scene in Thailand {as enjoyable as it was!}

I've just purchased a house in Northern Thailand with my girlfriend in her village and am looking forward to spending time there.

How often a year do you manage to get over to Thailand?

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