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Letter from Issaan part 1


phoenix

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Sukhumvit:

"Blimey Cent, not only are you a writer but you're a plumber too.

Respeck."

Actually Sukhumvit I'm a fairly handy guy! :-) Also was a union construction electrician in my younger days. Also went to school for deisel engines, gasoline engines, automatic transmissions, ac and refrigeration, welding, braising and soldering, jet engine mechanics, airframes and powerplants, electronics, and a few other things I can't think of at the moment. So I can usually think of a way to fix or build most things needed. I've also worked for my uncle when a teen as a carpenters helper and cabinet maker, and worked two summers apprenticing as a surveyor. I've also spent years supplementing my income at times doing house painting and wallpaper hanging and interior work. My oldest son is a plumber, although he's since changed vocations, and my grandfather, father, broher, and nephew are all union construction electricians. My other grandfather was a truck mechanic and ac/refrigeration man for 50 years and I learned a lot from him over the years when I was young. So I'm an all around handy type of guy. :-) Writing's always been a hobby I've enjoyed. Now that my kids are grown, (my youngest son is 19, my oldest daughter is 28, oldest son is 25) and me and the ex were divorced (around 11 years ago) I've had more time to indulge in the writing. I even have done some fairly horrid poetry! 55555!

Thanks Sukhumvit. Your post gave me a well needed laugh! :-)

Cent

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Your story brings back great memories of my first trip to Issan a few months back. Noi went to great lengths to explain why we could not sleep together in her grandmothers house and she wanted to sleep with he 90 something grandmother anyway. Her sister and husband gave up there bedroom to me for the evening. The whole 4 or 5 days were just great, really enjoyed myself and the people.

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I too have experienced the "Issaan tree snake experience" in a village outiside Petchabun . I stayed for a week or so with a nice young lass , one day i was having a wander & noticed a heap of the teenage guys standing around a tree looking a bit weird , I asked them what was happening , they pointed up in the tree & said snake with appropriate hand movements of course . I stayed lookig up at the tree for a while & then realised they were trying to bash it with a stick & at some stage it would fall down , & then the fun would really begin . My understanding is that these snakes ARE poisonous , & quite abundant in some areas .

As for the introduction , there was no wai-ing , but I was greeted in the most freindly manner , by mother , aunt , etc etc . The older brother Mong would bring me fried treats & beer after he slaved at the sugar refinery each day - what a fuckin champion!!

The kids insited on going to the shop for me on beer runs as it was "too hot for farang" -NO problem!!! smile.gif" border="0

[ January 10, 2002: Message edited by: zoot ]

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quote:

Originally posted by Cent:

Ask Long Gun about this bit of shocking fun!

Hmmmm, fond memories indeed! As I think that story predated this board, I thought I would dig it out and add it in here, so ...

PSYCHO: Isaan style

After a very pleasant few days in Chiang Mai I arrived in the wife’s village the day after the ‘official Songkran holiday …. Anyway, the day passed by predictably enough with some smaller-scale water based frolics and general alcohol abuse and dancing down ‘The Temple’ – the village’s leading disco. A couple of statutory lao khao-fuelled scuffles including one particularly fine straight jab to the chin which gained an instant KO. Far better action than the crap shouting and posturing by farangs in Easy Corner the night before. I was well knackered by about 9 and headed for the shower, looking forward to a good, long sleep. We were sleeping at Auntie J’s (Cronk knows this hotel well) and recent guests will know that they have had a proper water heater fitted here – pretty luxurious really. Refreshed and warmed I was drying off when suddenly some drunken fuckwit burst into the hong nam and smashed me over the back of the head with a large rock and I fell onto the shower/squatter lashing out blindly (literally!) at my assailant. As we thrashed around on the floor I was screaming “Help me, somebody is trying to kill me!!” but even to an expert English speaker it would have sounded more like “Heaurghhh amrnjdflgt nrtagnb; g’j’zijk” - think ‘screaming pig’ for the correct tone.

It seemed to take ages for help to arrive, I could hear voices calling to me but I couldn’t see where they were coming from and I still couldn’t talk and then the door was torn open, leaving the bolt to fall to the floor (good old Thai craftsmanship saves the day) and the wife burst in to find me screaming and thrashing about on the floor – alone, obviously, as the door was still locked – and with a burn mark across the top of my head. Then I realised that I had in fact been the victim of an attempted extra-terrestrial abduction by some superior race in search of the secret of ‘sanuk’ but had managed to fight them off single handed and save the world as we know it. OK, I made that bit up. Gradually my vision returned, some speech and I realised that the blow to the head had come when my head had touched the corrugated iron roof – the whole thing was live! – and everything else was the product of my scrambled senses. I was carried out in a rather undignified manner, bollock naked, by some of the family while the rest of the village gathered for a good laugh and the wife tried to cover my knob up with a towel. Too late, I fear, the next generation of Buriram girls will arrive in Bangkok with an inbuilt fear of the enormous penis of the farang!

After half an hour or so of blubbering and cuddling and generally feeling pretty relieved, I decided against a 45 km trek to the hospital and headed for bed. It took me about 2 hours to get to sleep as every time I closed my eyes I was having bizarre dreams and flushing hot and cold. I guess my brain was still a bit busy. Eventually though, the big sleep began.

The next day, Songkran was pretty much over, so, always with an eye for an opportunity the old villagers decided they should arrange a party for me to ‘bring my spirit back to earth’ as I had been so close to the next life – which of course meant me buying a few chickens and a pile of rice whiskey, total cost, about fuck all

After that I felt fine (obviously worked!) though a couple of nights later, after a couple of very nice days, we spent 9 hours in the back of a pickup in traffic and a 7 hour storm trying to get back home. The canopy and various other plastic objects proved no match for the situation and I gradually became wetter and colder and more and more miserable. The kids were all in the cab but there were 5 of us in the back with the luggage and students of my knee and back problems will be able to imagine exactly what a happy passenger I was.

Here’s a tip. If you’re ever taken prisoner and given a choice of torture methods, choose the electric shocks rather than the Chinese water torture every time.

LG

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quote:

Originally posted by zoot:

Was it the electric shock that made your knob huge , or is it normally that way?? If it was the electric shock , issaan showers here I come ( no pun intended!).
smile.gif" border="0

Having a knee trembler in there would certainly be interesting! Especially if you lifted the girl up just a little too high. I'm sure she would be impressed and word would soon go round the bars, guaranteeing you freebies for life .....

LG

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quote:

Originally posted by Long Gun:

Having a knee trembler in there would certainly be interesting! Especially if you lifted the girl up just a little too high. I'm sure she would be impressed and word would soon go round the bars, guaranteeing you freebies for life .....

LG

LongGun,

Hahaha! Yes an electrifying experience sure to be the talk of the gogo bar lasses!!

Thanks for reposting that story my friend! I think I laughed just as hard, maybe more, the second time reading it as the first read! Listen. Maybe you can repost some of your other older stories and reports here for the beneifit and amusement of all who may not have had the pleasure of reading them?! Dig into the files and post them here when you have the time once in a while! I know I'd like to read them again, and a lot of the others who have never seen them from the earlier asfo days, and first incarnation of Nanaplaza.com and Sanuk board from delphi would certainly enjoy these wonderful stories and reports I'd think! Give it a thought. Otherwise I'll have to go over to your section and stir up all sorts of shite! Causing you all sorts of grief, endless hours spent deleting all sorts of flames and tripe posts, and probably having KS ban me from the board and take away the easiest moderator job on the board from me!! 555! Blackmail you say!? Well.....yup! :-) Anything to get some of your great stuff on this section.....where it belongs!! Yeah, I know. I'm an evil twat! 55555555!! (evil cackling here.)

Cent

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