The Killer--by Alexander Turner

[Central Scrutinizer]

 The Killer

-by Alexander Turner

Mid afternoon Midweek I got off the number eleven aircon bus at Ambassadors. I walked up Sukhumvit Road in the general direction of Asoke. A grinning chubby Thai man wearing a tailored suit approached me. Started walking beside me.

"Hello Jo." He said.

How the fuck did he know my name?

"Where you going?"

"I'm going to meet a friend."

"A friend huh?"

"Yes."

"Stop walking a minute. I want to talk to you."

"Yeah? Maybe another time. I've got to get going."

"No. Stop. What I say is an important thing, and you ought to hear what I have to say. I'm a very important man."

"Are you ? Good for you."

"You want to know why I'm an important man?"

"Why are you an important

man?"

"You want to know why. You really want to know?"

"Yes. Why?"

"Or maybe you know already."

"What?"

"You look me in the eyes. Look me in the eyes. Okay. Let me tell you something... I kill people."

"Yes?"

"That's right. I kill people. People pay me to kill people. Important people."

"That's very interesting. Well. I... You know. Good to meet you... But I have to be...."

"For money. I kill people for money. What you think I kill people for fun? I kill people for money. Like a soldier. But sometimes I kill people for fun too. That's why you really have to listen to me."

"It's good to meet you. Really. I've not met many... killers"

He laughed a chilling little self important laugh.

"I want to show you something. You think maybe I'm joking with you. You think I'm kidding. I'm not kidding. Look."

The man flashed open his jacket and there in a shoulder holster just like in a James Bond movie was his gun.

"I have to warn you."

"Thanks for the warning."

"You should be nice to me. You should listen to me."

"Well. I really appreciate that. Thanks. But I have to be on my way. Good luck with the killing."

"Jo. Hey Jo... You have to listen to me. You be careful. I warn you already now."

"Yep. That's good of you."

You fucking psycho.

He let out a little laugh, and stopped walking at my pace. I didn't look back for a minute or two, but when I did he was looking back at me, still smiling. The whole conversation had taken under a minute.

I walked briskly into the Soi Cowboy and went for a drink in the Shadow Bar. I felt safe in the bar. There was BBC world service news. There were women falling all over me and joking with me. I didn't know them but it was as if I knew them and that was enough. That was a warm security blanket.

I tried to figure it out. I mentioned it to other people. I wondered if my girlfriend's rich boyfriend had found out about me and paid to have me warned off but this was ridiculous.

Just some dumb Thai who'd got himself a gun and wanted to use it to scare the farang.

But I couldn't avoid thinking how easy it would be to have me bumped off in Bangkok. On a crowded part of Sukhumvit Road with shops and stalls and cafes and traffic and a guy with a gun could have just blown me away and nothing would have happened to him. He didn't want money. He didn't want anything. He just wanted to tell me he was a killer and show me his gun.

As I sat in the bar being flattered with sexual offers and crude innuendos I remembered the line in the film Apocalypse Now after Fred Forrest and Martin Sheen go picking mangoes in the jungle and get jumped on by a tiger. "Never get out of the boat. Absolutely goddamn right." And I lay my head on some nameless angel's honey thigh as she stroked my head and sang to me.

When I woke up Jack was marching around bossing all the other women about. Poor old Jack.

Alexander Turner