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I'm Stealing the Towels!!


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  I'm Stealing the Towels!!

(Well, actually the clothes hangers)

 

     I've spent a lot of time in hotels the past few years. In Thailand. I don't know how you business traveler fellows can stand this really. Makes me crazy after a few days. I hate living out of a suitcase, and I always bring too many damned clothes. Yeah, yeah, I know. Just buy some clothes there and just bring a little with you for travel. Well I don't need a whole 'nuther wardrobe, can't find what I like usually in the stores there, like having a selection of MY clothes when there, and change clothes often when there, due to the heat. Nothing worse than showering and not having a fresh shirt to change into, after sweating into your last clean shirt, after slogging down Sukhumvit in the afternoon heat, and the hotel laundry still hasn't brought back your wash yet. Ya can't put that sweaty ass shirt back on, ya just can't.

     So I'll call down to housekeeping. You all know of course though that no one in housekeeping ever seems to speak a word of English. Hell, room service is little better. If it wasn't for my lady I'd never get anything I ordered from room service.

     "Hello. room service? I'd like to order some.....hello?.......Yeah, sawadee krup. I'd like to order some food for room 610 please. What? .....Room 610. Yes...loom hook, nueng, soon.....yes, I'd like to order some food. Yes. I want an order of kow pat guy. Yes. And an order of spring rolls. Yes, spling lolls. I'd also like.....hello...hello!" Dammit. She hung up on me! I ring back. "Hello.....yes, sawadee krup....listen, I just tried to order some food for room 610. Yes, loom hook, nueng, soon. Yes, room

610. Yes, spling lolls and kow tom guy. Yes. But I want more food. Yes.... order more. Yes. I'd also like some scrambled eggs and bacon. Yes. sklamble egg. No. Not ham. Bacon. Bacawn.... yes. 2 eggs sklamble please. Yes, song egg sklamble. Yes....and also some cold milk. What? Cold milk......cold milk.....nom yen.....no not nam yen....nom yen..NOOOOOMMM YEN. Two. Song nom yen. No. No. No. .......FUCK!!! Darling, are you out of the shower now? C'mer and order our god damned breakfast willya?!!!"

     They don't learn English until they get a job in a bar later on usually. And usually the housekeeping staff always seem to be the homely lasses that will never get a job in a bar. All right, I'm joking here. But really, how many stunning eights and nines have you had changing your sheets and towels and vacuuming your rug?

     "Hello....housekeeping?......yea, sawadee krup to you too, I was wondering if my laundry was ready yet...rooom 610..yes, my launly...is it ready yet? Yes, loom hook, nueng, soon....launly..yes...what? What time? What? DAAARRRRLING!! C'mere and ask her will ya? I think she's speaking Lao

anyway......probably someone you know from the village."

     So I'm ready to confess my sins here brothers. This IS the 12 step program for Falang Clothes Hanger Kleptos isn't it? Yes, I admit it. I steal the laundry clothes hangers when I check out of the hotel. Can't seem to get enough of them really. I can't help myself anymore. I'm so ashamed. My buddhist girlfriend says I'm just a damned rotten falang thief, and I'll be going to Buddha hell one day. I think I saw a statue of the torture I'll have to endure in Buddha hell for this at a temple outside of Pattaya once too. A huge, brightly painted, snake headed concrete demon statue was shoving wire clothes hangers up a stone falang's fat white hairy ass, with bright red paint simulating massive amounts of blood gushing from his poor asshole. It was gruesome.

     She won't let me put any of them in her suitcase either. Says I stole 'em, so I have to put them all in mine. I think she saw the statue too, and it scared the shit outta her. I'm always afraid when we walk by a cop that she's gonna get a case of the guilts and rat me out to the copper, and I'll end up in the monkey house doing serious hard time. You gotta help me here guys! I can't control myself! I'm sick, really!! It's like a disease!!

     But I have to take them! Every hotel I've checked into in Thailand always has only three fucking clothes hangers in the friggin' closet!! It's true!! I don't wanna go to no Buddha hell and get wire clothes hangers stuck up my ass for all of eternity!! Don't laugh! It's not fucking funny! Have you ever seen that statue in Buddha hell?!! What if there really is a Buddha hell?!! I'm fucked!!

     You guys gotta help me.....please! I'm addicted and ya gotta help me kick man! But I only take the wire ones!! Really!! I don't touch the wooden ones. They're too strong. I might OD!

 

Cent

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laugh.gif" border="0laugh.gif" border="0laugh.gif" border="0

Dude i sypathize, I was using hotel shampoo for quite some time after my novemeber trip.............

and I got some great towels.......

[ May 23, 2001: Message edited by: Wildalaska ]

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quote:

Originally posted by BrownFox:

ah HAH, so
thats
why the Pattaya Centre in December only gave me 2 towels/day :-)
shocked.gif" border="0

And they were the same ones I used!

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