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Cooking in the Village


Central Scrutinizer

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Cooking in the Village

 

     Once you are staying in the village, as opposed to your staying in your falang oriented Bangkok or Pattaya hotel, food becomes something which you begin to focus on a bit more. Like, what the hell will I be eating for the next couple of weeks or more? Don't get me wrong here please. I love Thai food, my lady is a wonderful cook--of Thai food and Isan cuisine--but after a while you do begin to crave some of the food you are more used to, or at least your innards do.

     I love hot food. The spicier the better! But my guts sometimes rebel after a steady diet of hot peppers, and curries, and fermented fish heads, and such stuff. What to do, what to do? Well, since you are in the middle of bumfuckingricefieldsinIsannowhere moo baan it helps if you can cook a bit yourself. And try to teach your lass to cook a bit of your own country's fare. This isn't as easy as it may sound though. No matter what you try to show her to cook for you she will try to put in some flavorings of her own tastes. Because, of course, she is hungry again, and wants to share your food, and eat for the tenth goddamned time in a day.

     Plus I have yet to see an oven in Isaan! Everyone cooks on those movable gas rings, set up on what looks to be a wrought iron plant stand, connected to a gas bottle. And the only thing they have to cook in is a wok, and a boiling pot, and the ubiquitous electric rice cooker. Hard to cook a roast beef in a wok. Or even a grilled cheese sandwich. So one of the first things I bought, once I realized this, was a flat bottomed frying pan, or skillet. Believe me, this comes in handy when your love offers you yet another plate of rice, or noodles, and you gag just at the thought of eating one more grain of fucking rice.

     Always remember, before heading to the village, to stop and stock up on some falang food to bring with you. Keep in mind that once you are in your lovely Isaan village, an hour or more from anyplace that sells anything remotely resembling something you would normally eat back home, that you are at the mercy of the village larder. In the village you will find no butter, no bread, no beef, no olive oil, no croissants, or bacon, no milk, except that sickeningly overly sweetened stuff the kids drink--bleeck!!, no hamburg, or ham and biscuits, no franks and beans, no potato's, (mashed, baked, french fried or scalloped) nor lettuce, no lamb chops and apple sauce, and no freaking cheese either. So stock up if you are staying awhile, because you ain't going to be eating anything your gastro-intestinal system is normally so fond of.

     What you will be eating is rice and noodles, with some sort of mutant veggies, and lots of pork, chicken, fish, squid, and shrimp. And maybe some pang pawn. (mongoose) You may even find yourself asking where the hell that mangy old cur, who is always marking his territory by pissing on your truck's tires, has gotten himself off to lately. Oh yeah, and an innumerable variety of fruits you've never even guessed existed on this planet. You may even get to taste that gastronomical delight Kermit......the frog!

     Just a little tip for those of you thinking of going up country for a family stay and visit with the new found love of your life.

     Cent

p.s. "Darling, what's in the huge crock covered with cloth sitting in the corner of the living room? Whatever it is I think it's dead by now. At least it smells that way. Please don't put whatever the fuck that is on any of my food, okay? EVER!!"

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tongue.gif" border="0 Earlier I said your life sounds romantic I now must take it back. Being a man that loves cheese burgers, french fries, BBQ steaks, mash potatoes w/gravy, corn on the cob, meat loff, pancakes, bacon & eggs, apple pie and every thing deep fried etc. I now know that this is not a life for me
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Rice and noodles to breakfast is not my thing. I always remember to buy bread in the "big" city of Nakhon Phanom, but I always forget to buy cheese in Bangkok. Such an exclusive thing as cheese can apparently only be imported from Bangkok. My wife then makes a decent imitation of American breakfast.

I like hot food, so lunch and dinner is OK. However, I prefer Thai food to Lao food but they can do that as a special order. I bought the family a gas set, but they seem to prefer the old tree logs burning.

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Humbleman,

Like I said though, you have to plan ahead for your supply of farang foods. And it behooves you to spend a bit on a good refrige, a good gas stove, and some farang cooking utensils. It just takes some planning on your part. Also it helps if you know how to cook those foods you like yourself, and can teach the women how to cook those foods you like. Just takes some time and energy, and some baht. It can be fun actually.

Cent

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