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Mc Tavish Of the Glen Chapter 4


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Mc Tavish of The Glen

Chapter 4 ?Laph takes the low road?



Laph was speechless as Doug spoke to Bee in Thai. Not because Doug spoke Thai but at the beauty and smallness of Bee. She had sat next to him occasionally brushing Laph with her hair, as she turned to talk to Doug. This was like a magic wand on Laph, mesmerising him into a dream world. All previous thoughts of home, Agnes, hiking, etc, were erased with each brush of the hair. A smell of Johnson?s baby powder and that just showered scent wafted through the air as Bee moved.


Mc Tavish had not felt this way before, with butterflies in his stomach, light headedness and an erection that a cat couldn?t scratch. Laph had finished his Singa in 2 large gulps and just nodded when Doug asked whether he would like a ?black soda, even though he had no idea what a black soda was! Doug went to the bar which resembled a bank teller?s window to order, as the drink ladies where not risking another bruised shin by going near Laph. Bee lent over to Laph in doing so put her hand on his leg, as asked how long he had been in Bangkok. When Bee touched his leg, Laph felt as if 20 ducks had flown out of his bum! Laph replied to Bee with ?eh err I arr eh err arrived tonight?. Bee just heard the bingo chime go off in her head and turned with a satisfied look towards her friends.

Bee then asked, ?what?s your name?, ?err Laph? said Mc Tavish. ?Raugh like Ha Ha?? Queried Bee. ? no no LAPH? said Laph, ? ah Ralph , I know this name? said Bee. Laph was saved by Doug returning with the drinks swearing about the stupid fucking twat serving the drinks.


Nok commented ?Bee has hit pay dirt?. ?well I hope he ties a plank to his back so he doesn?t fall in when he boms Bee, Nak said jealously. "At least he wont catch anything if he goes with Bee instead of you" said Som, a dark plump girl from Buriram.

A small scuffle started as Nak pulled the Buriram girl off her stool by the hair.


Doug handed out the black sodas and a coke for Bee. Laph took a large gulp of the black soda and soon realised it was a familiar taste of scotch. It helped calm the butterflies and gave him a little Dutch courage. He asked Bee where she came from and she replied ?Ubon Ratchathani Kar?, which Laph had no idea what or where she was talking about. Laph just nodded understandingly and smiled. Bee thought that he may have wind with the silly grin that he gave and distanced herself, then readied her poy sian sniffer, in case opened his lunch box .


It was now 3.30 am and Doug had decided that it would be a good time to leave as some of the girls had started fighting plus he was skint. ?Come on then Mc Tavish drink up we are out of here? burped Doug. ?Right then, Ill grab my kit? said Laph. He picked up his suit case and backpack but was unable to find his Scottish hiking stick. In looking around he spotted a plump dark girl with it , well more to point using it to hook another girl around he throat and pulling her off the bar stool. He summoned Doug for help and pointed to his stick, Doug said ?do yer best son and get it off her if your game?, ?but I would advise not to, as you will come off the worse for wear lad?! Doug in saying this still felt the pain of a girl?s high heel shoe on the back of his head from a previous altercation with a Thai girl.


Doug yelled out to Nok to take care of the stick and he will pick it up tomorrow. Then pushed Laph towards the back door, Bee sat alone at the table pondering whether to get stuck into the fight or go home, when Doug yelled out ?are you coming or not Bee?!

Bee didn?t have to be asked twice, and was off her stool, telling Nok where she was goingl, checking her hand bag for tooth brush, spare undies, and condoms all in one fluid motion. Bee ran up behind Laph taking his brown war era suit case, which turned into a bit of a tug of war in which 4?5?Thai girl won. All and sundry managed to get into Doug?s car which was squeezed into to the small car park at the back of the Thermae.The last chorus of ?its my life? faded away as they left.


Down Sukhumvit and then left into the side streets, Doug sped off, window down with a cigarette in one hand the wheel in the other. Laph had thought that the taxi driver was mad but Doug was something else. Bee didn?t seem to be at least worried and sat in the back doing her nails. Laph just hung on for grim death! Fortunately the trip was short and they pulled up to Doug?s apartment in no time. Bee jumped out of the car clutching Laph?s entire luggage, resembling a suit case with legs. She scurried of towards Doug?s apartment, knowing the way like the palm of her hand.


Doug slapped Laph on the back and said ?yer in for the time of your life there son?. ?But I?ve just met the lass, and I would not think that it would be appropriate? exclaimed Laph. ?ya taking the piss ? laughed Doug. They all settled into to Doug?s apartment sitting at the kitchen table. Doug poured 2 large JW Black Label whiskeys, while Laph examined with a frown the inside of Doug?s apartment. It was sparsely furnished with Thai wooded chairs, a dilapidated lounge and a bean bag in great need of beans. Strewn about the lounge were polystyrene food containers, empty Singa beer cans, full ashtrays and assorted clothing, men and women. Bee had disappeared somewhere, with a mixture of relief and disappointment from Laph.


Doug proceeded to tell Laph his latest ventures of setting up big business deals with some very influential Thai Generals, but Laph was a bit shell shocked to take it all in. Bee came back in the apartment with bowl of noodles she acquired from somewhere. Laph wondered what would be open at this hour of the night. Bee sat cross legged on the floor said to Doug, ?Knun Doug ,can look TV na?? Doug got up and grabbed a well used DVD on top of the TV and loaded it in the player. The opening credits of the Jungle Book started to roll, with Bee miming along with Baloo? singing in between mouthful?s of noodles.


Doug and Laph where half way through the bottle of JW Black and Laph was feeling numb. Doug said he show Laph around tomorrow starting at his bar or as he quickly corrected the bar he shares with his girl friend Pet. Then they would sort some business out. Laph explained that he was here to do some hiking and fishing and then go back to Scotland. Doug laughed and said ? yer that will be the day?. ?You will either love Thailand or hate it, once it gets into your blood you are hooked, it?s like a drug and you become addicted?. It was now 6 am and Doug suggested that they hit the sack, he pointed out the bathroom and the spare room where Laph would sleep. He shouted out to Bee, ?take care ok Bee? as he staggered off to a bedroom at the end of the passageway. ?Mae Mi Bpen Ha Khun Doug?( no problems) as she fell over backwards trying to imitate King Louie on the TV.


Doug assumed Bee would wander off home or sleep on the couch as Doug had dismissed her. So Laph sloped off to the spare room, opened his suit case and extracted his striped flannelette pyjamas, a maroon checked dressing gown and matching slippers. He clutched all and went to shower, which was an experience in its self. He gave up trying to work the metal box on the wall to get hot water and used the cheap white plastic shower hose with cold water only. It was relieving and sobering as he doused himself. He discarded his pyjamas and wore his Y fronts only as it would be too hot. He snuck off to the spare room, seeing that the TV was off and Bee was gone. He slipped into bed which was just two sheets and a hard mattress, which did not matter to Laph he was glad of the rest. As he laid there staring at the shadows on the ceiling he heard the shower running and thought Doug had decided to shower, even though he didn?t seem to be the showering type. Laph wondered about Bee, where did she go, would he see her again, what would she be like in bed. This has the loins stirred up again, his poor plonker had been up and down a dozen times tonight. As he lay there thinking he might spank the monkey, the door slowly opened.


Bee had showered and decided to take half of Nok?s advice and keep her towel on. She crept into the room and slid in next to Laph. McTavish let out a muffled squeal, clutching the sheet to his chest and crossed his legs to conceal his erection. Bee whispered ?Mai kwor Ralph it?s me Bee?. Laph felt the wet towel against him and Bees hair tickling his arm. He thought he would bow his bolt right there and then. It had been some time since he and Agnes had done it and then it was furry of arms and legs, with a quick stab at a wet crevice which might have been one of Agnes rolls of fat .Laph?s brother always commented that if Laph was ever to screw her he would have to roll her in flour and look for the wet spot! Either that or tell her to fart to give him a hint! Laph was trying to control himself by thinking of dead cats, as if he blows his bolt it will like the Mr Whippy van had crashed in the room.


Bee slowly put her hand on his chest and whispered, ?you like me Knun Ralph?? Laph let another muffled squeak. Her hand stroked up and down his chest getting lower and lower, just touching his pubes on every stroke. Dead cats, dead cats, dead cats, Laph thought as he stared at the ceiling with the sheet stuck in his mouth. Bee finally made her way to the business end of things, Laph?s plonker.


This time Bee let out a small muffled squeal, for what she found was 4 inches, and that was just the girth! It reminded bee of holding a coke can. Laph had heard comments when in the school locker room of ?a babies arm holding an apple?. He had no idea why the others took the piss. Bee started feeling every part of it and commented ?Knun Ralph like buffalo?. Laph thought it a bit rude as he knew that he had put on a few pounds, the result of taking that extra serving of mums Haggis and Neeps. Those thoughts were soon gone as Bee began stroking the beast and giving it a wee tickle under the chin. Dead cats dead cats, dead cats , ?Jesus DEAD FECKING CATS? Laph said aloud. Poor Bee did not what to do except hang on to it, as it unleashed. It was something like a high pressure faucet with an airlock as Laph blew his bolt. Bee managed to direct it away from her as it spat and convulsed finally slowing down to a dribble.


Bee laughed ?set lao maak maak?, and took off to the bathroom thinking how right Nok was. Laph laid there head buried in the pillow still biting the sheet and staring at the ceiling, it was like 20 ducks had just flown up his bum! He was sure the bottom sheet would be stuck there from the vacuum cause by him unleashing. Bee came back with a wet hand towel and said Mai pen rai Khun Ralph we can try again, this time we get the rocket in the bottle! Bee proceeded to clean him up, in doing so the beast awoke again and raised its ugly head. ?Wake up quickly, geng maak?!Bee said with a smile on her face. She tossed the towel away and climbed on top of Laph, it looked a bit like a Thai girl popsicle as Bee squirmed to take it all in. Laph stared up at this beautiful brown girl in front of him and unconsciously gently massaged her small but firm breasts. He tweaked her large nipples like he was changing channels on his bakelite radio. The love making went on for the next 2 hours until finally exhausted, they fell asleep.


Laph woke up at about 2 pm, never before had he slept so late, he was always out of bed by 7am. Little did he know that this would be the norm for many years to come.

He looked over at Bee, a small beautiful brown body on the white sheet, such a contrast.

Laph was definitely in heaven, he had tasted the drug and now was on the road to addiction.


Laph starts a new life of a Bangkok expat.



Until the next chapter

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Depends how bored I get or how many scotches are consumed whilst on the laptop!


But I still have quite a bit of material on Mc Tavish, like the amazon woman, trip to Pattaya with Pie, La Brushcutter escapades. the french onion seller, teddy and candy trips.......

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Keep it up Zob, I look forward to the next episode like I look forward to the next Soprano series. I reckon you could make a movie out of this, I would cast Robbie Coltrane in the part of Laph, Ok he would need to fatten up a bit for the part but feck him these actors earn a fortune so why don't they suffer for their art?


Jolie would play the part of bee and Hugh Grant could play a cameo as Teddy when he comes into it. I reckon Candy could only be played by Ewen McGregor and Elton John could play the Khatoey that shagged candy up the arse.

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