Mc Tavish of the Glen Chapter 5

[zob65]

Mc Tavish of the Glen

Chapter 5 ?Expat Training for Benefit or Demise?

 

 

Laph awake, laid there next to this small brown body of Bee, curled up like a kitten. It was all like dream, his head was spinning and was unable to focus his attention on any thing. The thoughts of hiking, fishing, Agnes and Scotland were disappearing slowly in a haze.

 

It was now close to 3 pm, he slipped out of bed and donned his maroon checked dressing gown and ventured into the kitchen, with a certain spring in his step. Doug was at the table, coffee and fag in hand. ?How ya going lad? Doug says taking a draw on his cigarette. ?Aye just fine, just fine Doug? says Laph. ?Ow kaffae tilac? Doug yells. A beautiful slim Thai girl emerges from the bean bag in the lounge. ?Sawadii Kar Kun Raph? says Pet performing a graceful Wai, with her hands clasped under her chin and head bowed. Laph attempted to re tied his dressing gown and bow which had the opposite effect, in separating his robe revealing his battered wedding tackle. He doesn?t know why he bowed, as this was a Japanese custom but it was the only thing he could think of at the time!

 

Pet giggled a little and said ?welcome to Thailand, is Knun Bee ok?? Thinking if Bee had to endure a night of Laph?s big ponker she might be a bit saddle sore! ?Yes yes fine we just slept nothing happened? Laph blurted out. ?yer fecking right? Doug said. ?I think Scotland man all the same Phut gho hok? says Pet clipping Doug under the ear. After a coffee was handed to Laph, Doug was explaining how he and Pet run a bar in Soi Cowboy and he would take Laph down there this afternoon. Pet intervened and corrected Doug, ?it?s my bar Knun Raph, Knun Doug just drink the profit?!

 

In deed Pet was right. Pet had been a bar girl and met an old rich German man who brought the bar for her. In the interim Doug had slipped in and was giving Pet a serve while the German was away. Hans was 67 years old and used to drink a bottle of peach schnapps before midday. He had gone to Germany to seek medical attention and never returned, hence Pet was the owner of the bar. Doug never had a job, even though he told all that he had plenty of deals on the go. Pet actually supported him. Doug would have to be one of the minority of farang?s in Thailand who are supported by their Thai girl friend.

 

Bee came into the kitchen freshly showered, hair still wet in the same clothes as she had on the night before looking a little out of place. She waied Pet respectfully and walked past Laph tweaking his ear, causing Laph to let a muffled squeak. Bee helped herself to a coke from the fridge and proceeded to converse to Pet in machine gun Thai/Lao, with laughs and giggles in between. Laph had the distinct impression that they were taking about him. He was spot on in this regard! Bee told all to Pet, from the size of it, to each and every individual lump on his plonker. Bee asked Pet how much would Laph pay, Pet explained that Doug would sort it out don?t worry.

 

Pet twisted Doug?s ear, saying ?Knun Bee would like to go home now?. ?Get off ya daft wench ill fix it? said Doug. ?Ah Laph ya need to give a little bit of willy for Bee to get home? says Doug. Laph thought he had given her a lot of willy last night! ?gis ya wallet Ill sort it Mc Tavish. Laph went off and returned with his wallet, in which Doug grabbed it and extracted 4 purple notes. He folded them up ad gave to Laph telling him to give them to Bee. Laph gave the cash to Bee in an embarrassed sort of way. Bee Waied deeply to Laph and then pressed her lips against his cheek and sniffed. Strange, Laph thought he had not put after shave on, maybe she was checking. ?Popgun Prun Nee? said Bee as she left walking like Gene Autrey towards the door. Bee hadn?t felt so sore since she had ridden the family buffalo to school!

 

Bee skipped out of Doug?s apartment stuffing the cash in her back pocket. Without checking it she knew she had 2000 baht. Her mind wandered what she would spend the money on, it had been a long time since she had an all nighter and was paid 2000 baht. Usually it was 500 short time from cheap Charlie farang?s. She would go back up country and see her baby girl that Mum and Dad were taking care of. She would buy some presents for her family at the Moe Chit bus station, even for her brothers who where bone idle and never worked. The boyfriend would have to be avoided as he would take it all, in fact she better make the payment on his motor cycle on the way home or else this would end up in a black eye later.

 

Laph was a little dumfounded, and asked Doug ?would she be back?? Aye there?s plenty more where that came from? says Doug. ?but I don?t want plenty more I want that one? exclaimed Laph. ?Don?t you be worrying me ole mate, I will show you things today that would make your goolies twirl?! ?now get ya self dressed, and not with shorts, wearing those budgie smugglers the Thai?s will think you?re a peasant, get a pair of jeans on at least?! After they had showered and dressed Doug opened a couple of Singa beers and proceeded tell Laph of the business opportunities that he and Laph could get into, like opening a bar. Laph had no intention of spending his hard earned cash on some bar but reserved his comments.

 

Doug in his expat uniform, white shirt, tie and slacks, the office look, even though he didn?t work he would have to keep up appearances. Laph managed to squeeze into his Levi look alike ?Mc Levies? that he purchased from Mr McWhirter's store, with the help of Agnes, held up by his old aging leather belt and his flannelette checked shirt tucked into his undies.

 

They walked off down Soi 23 towards the ?cowboy?. The walk down was an experience for Laph in its self, tripping over broken side walk , on the road to avoid small out door restaurants on long the way, only to be nearly run over by a motor cycle or Tuk Tuk. Doug seems to be dodging and weaving effortlessly. It was not the same for Laph, he was leaping from road to sidewalk in doing so upsetting a few of the diners seated on small plastic stools, with a ?sorry? here and an ?excuse me? there. He even managed to step on the odd Soi dog that was waiting to be served at the food trolleys and received a protesting yelp. A couple of the Soi dish lickers even followed Laph out curiosity or an even bet that if the green farang was going to eat they could scam some food !

 

Laph broke into a trot to catch up with Doug as he looked back at the dogs, which were looking up at him in wonder. He slams into the back of Doug, ?what feck ya doing, settle down, we are here!? said Doug. Laph looked down this street with his mouth open. It was now 7 pm, and Soi Cowboy a small cross lane, resembled a New Years Eve street party. There where coloured lights, flashing neon signs, mixture of disco music and screeching girls. Scattered down the middle of the Soi where girls dressed in all sorts of scantly clad costumes, some at food stalls, some standing with signs.

 

As they ventured down the past the bars, Laph was ambushed, Doug managed to get through without notice, but Laph?s ?green farang sign? glowed on his forehead. It was a bit like a boarder crossing or ?all over red rover? game. One small girl with a cheeky grin had Laph by the arm and was pulling him towards a bar, with amazing strength, but Laph on a 45 degree body angle and the Scottish hiking boots firm, managed to bring the proceedings to a halt while yelling for Doug. Two other girls came out of the ambush hide, hope for a part of the catch, one taking the other arm and one at the back pushing.It resembled a lion attack on the Serengeti, and Laph definitely resembled a startled gazelle or more like a confused water buffalo!

 

Laph was easily dispatched into the ?Tarzan? bar. His cry?s for help were soon muffled as the velvet entrance curtain closed behind him. The lion pride closed in for the kill, there where now 5 girls around him, with matriarch in front of him behind the bar. ?What you like to drink? asked Mem. ? I?m supposed to be with my friend Doug? Laph said nervously. ?Yes I know Knun Doug, but we take care now? said Mem in a sultry voice. ?Err ok I would like a Johnny Walker and soda water please? says Laph nervously not wanting to upset the pride into a feeding frenzy. ?Black so nung gao? yelled Mem without taking her eyes off Laph. ?and a drink for the lionesses, I mean girls?? asked Mem. The girls were now prodding all parts of Laph, massaging his shoulders, arms, and hands. It was a bit like they were tenderising him ready to devour! ?Err well I was?.?, stuttered Laph, as 5 small cola lady drinks were placed in front of him. Before he could object the drinks were scoped up and they were clinking glasses with Laph ?chalk dee kar? they all said one after the other. Laph wished he could look around but the pride had him completely surrounded and all he could see was a sea of brown smiling faces. There were even a couple of young lionesses lower down the pecking order circling around the outside of the kill hoping for a piece of the action.

 

Doug entered the bar, ?didn?t take you long Mc Tavish!? as he sat down and ordered a black soda. ?Get off him ya moles !? said Doug. A couple of the girls slunk off to a safe distance, the more experienced ones sheltered on the lee side on Laph. Mem and Doug started to ague about one of Doug?s previous bills. This gave Laph a bit of time to look around, there was one old guy sitting up the back alone sipping a coke, Laph wondered why he wasn?t being attacked. At the dark end of the bar the lionesses had made an earlier kill, the man was in the death throes, as his head was visible above the closely surrounding girls jerking back and forth. The bar was made up in a Jungle theme with a small dance floor with one lonely girl holding a pole rocking back and forth on her heels to the big O?s ?pretty woman?.

Laph suddenly let out a squawk and leaped off his stool, scattering the girls squealing and spilling his drink. ?What the fuck? said Doug. ?Someone just grabbed me caber? exclaimed Laph. The girls had gone into a huddle and one was gibbering flat out in Thai and laughing. It was a discussion about Laph?s plonker! ?Alai nuh?? (What) said Doug to the girls, ?your friend same like buffalo? said one of the girls in English. Well that?s bloody nice, it?s the second time that a Thai girl has had a go at my stout figure thought Laph. ?Well your gunna get plenty of attention around here Mc Tavish? says Doug.

 

?Come on Laph lets get the feck out of here? says Doug. They paid the bill and left,all the girls let a series of moans, with ?come back na, you don?t forget me ok? ?Next time you come alone?.

 

Laph and Doug made their way up Soi Cowboy. The Tarzan girls shuffle off back to their ambush positions arguing. ?Why you always go straight for the plonker Lek!? ?I tell you slowly you catch the monkey? said Bang ?you tell me to go straight for the plonker to cut off the communication lines to the brain?? Lek answered. ?Yes but not that quick and especially with these green farang?s as they are too flighty? said Bang. ?Ok everyone back to their posts!? commands Bang. ?Lek you are back to rear guard? orders Bang ?but but I? said Lek sadly ?no buts, I can?t afford to lose another kill like that, times are lean? said Bang. ?Pung you?re on strike, Wandee you are back at forward scout. Nok and Nak on the wings? ordered Bang. ?Kop knun kar !? Nok and Nak sang in unison. The bait was laid, the trap set, the finely tuned team was ready again, waiting for another fortunate or unfortunate victim.

 

Doug led Pushed Laph into the Tonka Bar, stating ?this is my bar?. The girls all where laying about on the lounges, slowly rose up sleepy and acted interested and seeing Doug all went back to sleeping or eating. They had a couple of scotches, while Doug extracted a few thousand baht from Pet who was sitting at the cashier?s desk doing book work. ?you take care Knun Laph Doug, don?t make him ting tong like you? as thy exited the bar.

 

?What about a feed?? asked Doug. ?Yes that would be nice I am a little peckish? answered Laph. If fact he was ravenous and could have eaten whole buffalo! Just take its horns off wipe its arse and put it on the plate! thought Laph. Doug and Laph made it to the end of the Soi with some artful dodging, and summoned a Tuk Tuk. Laph gingerly squeezed into this contraption that looked like death on wheels and hung on with all his might. As the Tuk Tuk driver raced through the gears dodging in between cars buses and trucks, all the time gabbling on about some pussy show. Laph had no intention in going to see a cat show, he hated cats. Doug was also taking and pointing out features along Sukhumvit, which was all in vain as Laph couldn?t see out anyway with the Tuk Tuk?s roof and being so low, all Laph saw was vehicles! Plus the fumes from the traffic where starting make Laph?s eyes water, he wished he had stayed in the bar with the girls.

 

They arrived at Nana Plaza, amongst a throng of people, Thais and foreigners. There tables and small barbeques with satays, sausages, and other mouth watering delicacies. ?Wouldn?t mind something like this? said Laph. ?No problem the salmonella comes free with each satay!? says Doug. Laph trotted along behind Doug trying to keep up and take in all the sites. ?What about a bag of these?? Doug said pointing to a trolley with, grasshoppers, scorpions, larvae and other assorted bugs. ?That would be good when I go fishing? said Laph honestly, thinking how authorities would allow bait to be sold near food stalls.

 

Turning into Nana Plaza was a bit of a shock for Laph, this was like the last place except vertically! There were floors of bars, discos, girls, mixture of unrecognizable music. They sat down in an out door bar, made of post and rails at the entrance to the Plaza. Laph gazed around the bar it was reasonably quite, no girls attacking him at least. The bar was in a cowboy type theme, with a sign on the wall that read, ?No Arab sit here we respect Islam and don?t wish to offend?. That was dam decent of the proprietors thought Laph. Two ice cold Singa?s were place in front of them, Doug asked ?you want a hamburger with the lot or a bacon butty?. ?Hamburger will do nicely? said Laph, thinking where the hell were they going to get such items as the bar definitely had no cooking facilities. Doug called a Thai woman over who was operating a barbeque at the bottom of the stairs to the bars and ordered their food. In no time at all a hamburger was handed over to Laph wrapped in butchers paper , with a meat patty, cheese , egg, bacon , beetroot, and salad all threatening to burst out and shower everyone. Laph blissfully tucked in with juices running down his arms washing it all down with his Singa. It tasted better than any thing he had in a long time.

 

They finished up, with Laph wishing he had ordered another and made their way up stairs to the ?Three Roses Bar?. Sitting out side on the balcony they were introduced to the owner, an American called Steve, a nice bloke Laph thought as they chatted. Doug excused himself to go and speak with someone. ?Come on Laph I will show you around? said Steve leading Laph off down passed the various bars. ?We had better start educating you dude before you get your arse bitten off by the alligators!? ?Lets start at the top and work down shall we says Steve leading Laph into the last bar on the balcony. It was quite dark and as Laph?s eyes to adjusted, a familiar scary voice said ?hello sailor!? made Laph jump. ?I?m not a sailor miss, I?m a quantity Surveyor? exclaim Laph as he starred at the tall Thai female who applied her make up like Agnes mum. ?What ever big boy? said the girl. Couple of Singa?s were ordered by Steve and they settle down to talk to the girls. Every time the girl talked to Laph she whispered in his ear with a hot sultry breath and exceptionally hard breasts pressed up against Laph?s arm. The loins were being to stir and Laph?s head was starting spin again with that mind numbing haze starting to cloud over his thoughts.

 

The Devils net had been cast and Laph was trapped. Till the next chapter where Laph?s learning curve steepens dramatically

[The_Munchmaster]

Nice one Zob, well worth the wait. I'll probably be in LOS by the time you publish Chapter 6. ::

[Pescator]

Excellent read. Thanks.

 

cheers

hua nguu

[limbo]

Great stuff, once more!

[zob65]

I dont know why But the story ended up with all ???? through the text when the site changed over.

 

So Im not pocessed by question marks ?????????????????????????????????????????????? I dont think I was that pissed when I wrote it!!

[The_Munchmaster]

It's been 2 1/2 months, where's chapter 6? Are you suffering from writers block or whatever it's called?

[Pescator]

Next installment please