advice needed

[Julian2]

Good advice from most, rationally and eloquently expressed by Old Hippie in particular. As long as AN hasn't made the fatal error of falling in love with her it's simple from here on in.

 

Brown eyes, brown eyes, how come you tell so many lies?

Come up and see me, make me smile.

(With apologies to Steve Harley and cockney Rebel)

[Old Hippie]

>>why can't for once, we all agree a bitch is wrong, and needs to be sent a message?<<

 

Because rorian has told us nothing about his relationship other than that they live together. Don't see how anyone can say dump your girl when they don't know the first thing about what the two of them have been thru together. Do you know if rorian gets massage action on the side? Hits SC for a ST every weekend?

 

Is it really good advice to say "ditch your bitch" just because during their relationship which has lasted one month or 10 years (we don't know) the girl has acted funny for one single afternoon? And got an SMS from a guy who apparently is being ignored by this girl (which is a good thing right?).

 

>>Men have been softened and feminized to believe we should tolereate "certain amounts" of this crap...and little by little we stop being men, and become ass puppets for a bunch of domineering bitches!<<

 

I agree with this sentiment but don't think it applies here. He has a girl who seems to be distracted probably by a another guy. If a guy runs away everytime a girl gets a little bit of attention from a farang then maybe the guys really are getting feminized. If he wants to be a "man" then don't act like a pussy and run away because some guy may have picqued her interest.

 

Obviously if she is fucking some strange guy like she is a wild whore then Rorian has to approach this different. But we don't know that do we? So no need for Rorian to act hysterical here. He should follow Zaad's advice and see what happens.

 

 

This is the type of feminized crap I am talking about...HE CAUGHT HER LIEING! SHE HAS ANOTHER GUY CONTACTING HER! This is what he has caught her at,what hasn't he caught her at?

 

"...Do you know if rorian gets massage action on the side? Hits SC for a ST every weekend?..."

 

This is not the issue here. The issue is, HE caught HER! Why are you trying to put it on him? Again, this is what I am talking about, we have been conditioned to let them spin it on us, the ISSUE IS HER! Why do we always want to assume the man is responsible for what went wrong? Again, because we have been conditioned to think this.

 

The bottom line here is, SHE GOT CAUGHT, NOT HIM! Wake up "Men" and see what the hell is wrong with this type of "blame the victim" thinking, man up and stop taking crap from these girls, or else grow a vagina.

[MaiLuk]

Other things to consider....why did she conceal the interaction with this man or friend? What possible reason could she have? She's not open or honest....if a man text my girl i'd like to know why....better still, why not just tell, then don't need to ask about it, because she would be being open and taking responsibility? But she concealed....why? If just a friend, why conceal?

 

These are all very good questions. But the answer is not "run away immediately." Shit happens in relationships. You don't run at first sign of trouble. If rorian does run based on what has gone on so far then his love for her ain't so strong is it.

 

All of the knee jerk reactions here "dump this girl asap" when no info has been provided other than some phone stuff going on is over the top. Rorian needs to consult with friends who know him and his girl because the advice here is bizarre in view of the lack of info.

[Nervous_Dog]

I wouldn;t read her SMS's, I respect a persons privacy, if I am forced to read the messages because of doubt, I shouldn;t be in that relaiitionship

 

DOG

[MaiLuk]

This is the type of feminized crap I am talking about...HE CAUGHT HER LIEING! SHE HAS ANOTHER GUY CONTACTING HER! This is what he has caught her at,what hasn't he caught her at?

 

That is correct that is what he caught her at. And nothing else (yet). So why are people telling him to run away from his GF?

 

"...Do you know if rorian gets massage action on the side? Hits SC for a ST every weekend?..."

 

This is not the issue here. The issue is, HE caught HER! Why are you trying to put it on him? Again, this is what I am talking about, we have been conditioned to let them spin it on us, the ISSUE IS HER! Why do we always want to assume the man is responsible for what went wrong?

 

We have a miscue here. The point was not that rorian is wrong for getting STs. The point is that if he is getting STs (have no idea if he is) then why go ballistic and dump your girl because you caught her SMSing someone? Do you see what i'm getting at? Does he expect his GF to be a perfect angel and have no communication ever with other men while in the meantime he is out fucking a different girl(s) every week.

 

If she caught him getting a ST and she loved him (i mean really loved him) then she might not end it. I'm sure Rorian would ask her not to end it. You guys seem to think its all one way in relationships. If your girl commits one fuck up (commencing contact with a guy) no need to run away as if you are some hyper sensitive teeenage girl.

 

Now rorian might come back on here with some new info that makes it clear she is playing him. But based on the info so far, telling a guy who states that he loves his GF to dump her based on the info provided is wrong IMO. If he does then for the next five years he will be beating himself up with questions like: was i wrong to let her go for something so minor? Was i the one who screwed up a good thing? These are the sort of memories that follow a failed relationship. Rorian should avoid these sort of memories that eat at you over time by being absolutely certain of what he is accusing his girlfriend and that whatever it is justifies dumping her.

[lembeh]

 

>Allow me to be the voice of reason here...DITCH THE BITCH! LOSE THE FLOOZE...KICK THE HO OUT THE DO'...

 

Hmm. the voice of reason eh? No offense here, and I do not know whether its a "board pose" or not, but you are becoming increasingly strident in your outlook in Thai women (including bgs). From the little I recall of your saga's *you* got shafted by a Thai girl, (or two?). It might be the time to start getting over it, and not see *everything* in light of your past experiences.

 

However, for OP. You *may* be making a mountain out of a molehill here or adding two and two and coming up with 700. There is no doubt she lied (welcome to Thailand), but *very* often the lie is to cover up something trivial, or something they *think* will upset you.

 

As I understand it, she works in a restaurant (not a bg). It looks to me as though some farang who she met there has been trying to hit on her. Is it not possible that the "it means nothing to me" was in response to him telling he her he was lonley and was going to look for some on else? He *could* have been an old b/f (how he had the number). These girls *do* have previous lives (and when starting a relationship I would say a new phone number is a vital requirement) and this cold have resulted from before.

 

Why would she lie? becasue she's Thai, and getting into the whole "this farang keeps sms's ing me" would be too complicated and you too likely to go off the deep end (well, looks like she called that one right!). And so stupid, transparent lies. For all thier practice, Thai's are *lousy* at lying. They do it a lot, but are just simply not good at it.

 

Now, you have several options. One, you could *try* talking to her about it - this is kind of recommended if you want to continue the relationship. If you *can* get her to talk - keep your cool or you will reinforce her belief that its better to keep thibngs from you. Second you cold ignore it for now, and see if there is further "evidence" (but what you have now is damn thin for evidence that she is doing anything more than smsing people) -or thirdly you cold take the OH route and boot her out without a chance to defend or explain herself.

Kinda depends on what the relationship means to you really....

-j-

[khunsanuk]

Hi,

 

Excellent post, Josh, and kinda sums up my thoughts on this as well.

 

Sanuk!

 

[sanddawg1]

DAMN OH that's a bit harsh

 

I agree dump the bitch but she's probably stringing the other poor bastard along too; I bet he does not even know about rorian. Yea call him meet him for a beer and pick-up some new BGs and forget that bitch!!

 

[Guest]

>As I understand it, she works in a restaurant (not a bg). It looks to me as though some farang who she met there has been trying to hit on her. Is it not possible that the "it means nothing to me" was in response to him telling he her he was lonley and was going to look for some on else? He *could* have been an old b/f (how he had the number). These girls *do* have previous lives (and when starting a relationship I would say a new phone number is a vital requirement) and this cold have resulted from before.

 

Why would she lie? becasue she's Thai, and getting into the whole "this farang keeps sms's ing me" would be too complicated and you too likely to go off the deep end (well, looks like she called that one right!). And so stupid, transparent lies. For all thier practice, Thai's are *lousy* at lying. They do it a lot, but are just simply not good at it.

 

Kinda depends on what the relationship means to you really....

-j-

 

I love these discussions....everyone posts their opinion based upon their own personality and experiences....

 

Your points above are flawed....

 

1. If it was someone she met then she would've had to have given the number, giving requires a motive/reason.....so what was her reason for doing so? Giving a number to a stranger is odd, unless she was attracted to him....no other reason would be acceptable....unless she is really stupid/naive.

 

2. Previous boyfriend....well in a close, loving relationship, there is supposed to be trust....trust is given based upon reciprocal actions, one of which is being open wiith each other....Rorian states he is in love with this girl, it's been going on a while therefore, so openness would be expected....therefore why would she conceal? She has a secret....why? It's in her interests to be open with Rorian, as he is supposed to be important to her....so why conceal? It makes matters worse, what she does/is doing....helps nothing....only creates doubt and suspicion, why therefore would she want her boyfriend to feel like that?

 

3. All people lie....why do it? If Thai ladies are so poor at it, why do so many men get suckered in every time? I think Rorian is wise to doubt her....her explanation needs to be pretty damn good! I suspect it wont be.....

 

I agree with an earlier post, if you need to sneak a look at your ladies mobile, trust is gone....or you suspect....with reason....a mobile is not private per se, it is a communication device, not a holder of secrets...if it is a no-go area, ask yourself why?

 

Finally 'i don't/didn't want to upset you/make you sad' is code for i have secrets........

 

[sanddawg1]

J & Saunk

 

A lie is a lie no matter if itâ??s about something â??trivialâ? or not. If she will lie about something trivial its only a matter of time until trivial turns into major and she lies about that too. When does it end?