Letters from isan -End of story- repost part 6 and final
Posted 30 July 2006 - 15:23
old memebrs, ignore it, this is old hat for you.
04/17/02 03:28 PM - Post#71388
The day before my departure, back in BKK, while I am still in bed in my appt, a knock on the door.
ï¿½What are you doing here?ï¿½
ï¿½You come with me, we go hospital, get rid of baby.ï¿½
I am not too keen, realize sheï¿½d come here only to get me to pay for the operation, and expect a rough time. But I am very keen to be sure that indeed the baby is no more, since that would give me some peace of mind in future. So I get dressed, and come along.
We try two places, the Place in Soi 12 (Cabbages and Condoms), where she gets turned down because of the stage of pregnancy, and another hospital, that also refuses for the same reason. 12-13 weeks, too late, is the answer.
All the way in the cabs from hospital and hospital, she bitches at me, what a bad boring old man I am. I realize sheï¿½s nervous and tense, I donï¿½t take any notice of the bitching. After the second refusal, we drive back to Sukhumvit, where we part company.
I leave the next afternoon, uncertain about the baby's fate.
While back home, I get two phonecalls from Nok. One, she tells me she loves me, Ted is no good after all (!). Next phonecall, she asks "when you come back to BKK, can you go to the bar and pay bar for my sister?"
Me: o you want me to sleep with your sister?"
Nok: "No, of course not, only pay bar. She is a new girl, and after she has gotten 8 barfines, she'll get a steady job with 7 or 8 K baht pay."
She keeps surprising me. By doing what she asks me to do, I'd actually collude, and assist a woman to get a job in a bar, when I know the woman can do an excellent job elsewhere. I try to explain to Nok that i believe Sister should be at home, driving the car. "Sister have problem in village (e.g. she lost face at the cancellation of the wedding)".
I tell her no way will I barfine her sister.
*Edited after posting:*
Then I receive a very welcome email from Ted. He informs me that two days after I left, he accompanies her to a doctor who prescribes some pills. Two days after that she is admitted to hospital, and under anaestetic, the fetus is removed. I email him back and ask if there is any room for error, if maybe she sneaked out the backdoor of the operating theatre when he wasn't looking, and he says there is absolutely no doubt, the baby is no more.
*END OF EDIT. Sorry guys, I lost that paragraph in the editing process, but it is very important, so I put it back in.*
When I return from a trip back to ï¿½my countryï¿½ a few weeks later, she phones me. She changed her mind and wants to be back with me. I decline, and sheï¿½s been raising hell ever since.
She came around one night to my appt, wanted to talk. Iï¿½m a sucker, opened the door. We talk for a while, she tells me she intends to go work in the bar again, probably in Patpong, for about three months, until she has enough money to buy an irrigation pump for her land, and a "Carryboy" top for the pickup truck. Then she'll be able to work on her land and with her car, and raise enough to live off. I suggest that she goes and gets a job like a hairdresser beautician, what she trained for. "Maybe later".
Then she demands everything weï¿½d bought for the appt over the 8 wks together. (radio, fan, sheets, towels, bedlight, cooking gear, jug, toaster etc etc.) to be handed over to her. I decline and say she was the one who left me and moved out to be with her BF (I luvv Ted", care for you, but not luvv you, luvv him"), her decision, up to her now to look after herself (besides, Iï¿½d taken care of her and her family very well over time, enough is enough).
She says: ï¿½can I play some musicï¿½. I reply: ï¿½No, I lent my ghettoblaster to a friendï¿½. She says: ï¿½Friend Puying??ï¿½, and flips. Starts raving at me, screaming sheï¿½ll kill me, goes to my fridge, grabs a full bottle of Singha, smashes it on the bench, and says sheï¿½ll kill me now, coming at me with the broken bottle waving.
I manage to ward her off, and take the bottle away. After she calms down, she sits on the floor, and cleans the glass. Ten minutes later I notice that sheï¿½d scratched herself all over her arms (Deliberately), not bad enough to bleed profusely, but enough to create a mess. Further calmed, and cleaned up, I stick her in a cab home.
I had learnt from Ted that she'd pulled the broken bottle/wrist carving on him twice before, once in public in the middle of NEP.
Next day, phonecall : ï¿½I want radio, fan etcï¿½
I say no!
A few hours later, I receive a phonecall from my former wife in my country, worried, because she got a call on the answerphone from this Thai women who said Iï¿½d been in a very bad accident, and was severely injured!
So I phone Nok, and suggest she cuts out the crap, finished is finished.
She informs me that she had someone take a picture of me with a woman (What? ME??, Never), and will send it to my family and tell them I sleep with many women here. I call her bluff.
Wonder what the next game is.
Havenï¿½t heard from her since, now about a week ago. Iï¿½m on my way out of here, for a while, or for good, donï¿½t know yet for certain. Itï¿½s been an interesting time.
When I now read my first posts, just after I met her two years ago, I smile at my innocence.
Yet, it's all been done and written about before. I suppose everyone has to find out by experience. I certainly did!
I hold no blame or bad feelings for her. She made some silly decisions, but is to a large extent a product of her circumstances.
I am sorry our split turned acrimonious, but maybe it is better this way, less likely for me to get sucked in again.
I wish her all the best, but am not to sure about her future. I don't think she'll limit her barwork to only three more months. It is just too easy to make a dollop of baht in a short time, compared to work as a hairdresser of farmer. It is addiction to quick money, maybe the same as for the guys it is addiction to cheap and easy sex.
Last I heard, day before my departure, was that a board member met her at Thermae, where she accosted him for a drink, chewed his ear about her bad luck, and turned somewhat crazy on him.
It leaves me rather sad, but I cannot take responsibility again.
This is it. Feedback welcome.
Posted 02 August 2006 - 11:53
What a nightmare. I'm in general against abortion but would in the same position do the same as you did.
Posted 07 August 2006 - 02:40
In the end, Nok and Ted got married, live in England now, have a 2 year old son togetehr (She must be very fertile), and last i heard Ted told me she speaks english with a Cockney accent, and proves to be a devoted mother.
All's well that ends well, and I wish them all the best.
In spite of all the shit that happened, occasionally I think of her, end sometimes even miss her. The bad stuff gets forgotten, the good remains in memory.
Posted 10 August 2006 - 21:59
All I can say is that I had a real great time reading all the parts of your story in one go.
All in all how long did you stay in Thailand? Are you still going there nowadays?
Thanks for taking the time to write this story.
I will go myself visiting Isaan and the family of my girl in one month from here so this gives me a good idea of what I will find there :-)
Posted 11 August 2006 - 02:16
Thank you, I had a great time (mostly) living it.
>All in all how long did you stay in Thailand? Are you still going there nowadays?<
Over the 2 years this story covers, 6 visits of 1-2 weeks each, then a period of 3 months living with Nok in BKK mainly, before it finished. later, another three weeks finishing my school contract. Since then (4 years ago, I have been back many times, and 2 years ago relocated to a nearby country, which allows me regular visits. But i've never gotten back into a relationship with a TG. Learnt my lesson.
>I will go myself visiting Isaan and the family of my girl in one month from here so this gives me a good idea of what I will find there :-)<
Apart from the great sex, that was probably the best part of my experiences, opened a whole new fascinating world.
I hope you enjoy it, and take care!
Posted 26 June 2009 - 02:18
The history was all pubished in a list of articles, mostly named "Letters from Isan", "How it began", etc.
Some here, especially Khun Sanuk, CTO, Gummigut (?) Jaidee, Stickman, OH and some others who were around at Woodstock in 2000 until 2002, may remember her.
She really did my head in for a while, got pregnant once, just while I was trying to get my shaky farang marriage back on track, but when I flew out here to try and find out, I found someone else was the real father, "Ted".
She and I later shacked up for 3 months, in an apartment in BKK, she going to hairdressing beauty school and me going to language school during the day. Late 2001, early 2002.
She got pregnant again, with Ultrasound suggesting I was definitely in the time frame to be dad.
In the end, it fizzled out, largely because she (approaching 30) really wanted commitment, a marriage, and a baby, while I was hesitant to get married, had babies her age already, and was getting cold feet about the long time durability of a relation between two people with so many differences. We were more then a generation apart in age, vastly different education levels, interests, cultural back grounds etc.
Then Ted came back onto the scene. She had sensed my wavering, in spite of her being pregnant with what may have been my baby.
I met with Ted, we decided she'd have to decide what she wanted, she jumped ship and chose him, probably because he was willing to get married. He said he didn't want babies. Being my age, he had adolescent children already, wanted no more.
I warned him he'd have no say in it, she'd get her way.
When she explained she was planning to give the baby to Meh to bring up, since Ted didn't want a baby (especially mine), I had protested, and told her I would cut all support for the child. I didn't want Meh to bring up my child and groom another prostitute to support her old age.
Nok finally had the abortion, a week or so later.
In the years that followed, I had a few messages from him, announcing their marriage, her moving to England, and them having a baby boy.
Then no more. For the last 3-4 years.
I was for one day in BKK, some urgent business. Walking down the road in a Soi off Sukhumvit, 8.30 in the morning, minding my own business.
A taxi stops next to me, passenger window opens.
"Hey, 'phoenix' (my old boardname)"
I look, see a vaguely familiar face, but don't make a connection.
"What, do you not remember me, I'm Nok".
On her lap a cute curly head girl, about 1 or 2. In the back another young thai woman, who rolls down the window and wais me, as if she knows me.
I do a double take and walk over.
"Hi Nok, what a surprise".
"Why don't you jump in to this taxi and come along with us, we are going to the market, we can talk on the way"
"Sorry, I have an appointment in a few minutes, maybe we meet later?"
"Sure, come to my hotel (same as last time I saw her, seven years ago), room xxx. My husband is there and our three children, I want you to meet them."
I'm left on the pavement, stunned.
When I recover, I realise I'm very happy. I had wondered over the years what happened. Had it worked out, were they still together in England (many such marriages don't, she might have ditched him for a richer alternative, she might be back in BKK on the game etc.).
So, my business completed at lunchtime, I went to the hotel, rang the room. "Wait, I come down in a minute"
She came down in the lift, with the little girl in a pushchair, asleep, and the other young woman with her. We waied, then lightly kissed. I was uncertain, and quite emotional.
Sit down in the lobby, order food for the sleeping kid, and a drink.
She had not changed in her appearance, just looked a bit more radiant. 36 now, but still a very attractive woman. (I have no doubt aged, wrinkled, put on weight, lost hair and greyed. )
She spoke, in pretty good English, with a slight cockney accent.
She told me this was their first visit in 4 years. She said she was extremely happy to see me. She had hoped to meet me, to be able to talk to me. She knew we parted on somewhat acrimonious terms, and wanted to put things right.
She explained all was well with her marriage, she learnt to speak good english, loved living there, loved her husband and kids. Yet she wanted me to know she had also never stopped loving me, and wanted me to know she'd always love me, but as a good friend. She wanted me to know, now she could finally explain it in English, that out former fights were not because of hate, or lack of love, but because of her frustration about being unable to explain to me how she felt, due to language problems (This was in 2002, when I spoke little Thai, she spoke little English, neither of us having enough language to really explain why we felt how we felt.)
I was stunned, looking at this woman, with whom I could now have a conversation. Then she realised I didn't recognise her companion, it was her sister in law. the only family member she still had contact with. She had totally broken with Meh (money grabbing manupulative bitch) and the rest of the family, no contact for the last 3 years.
She talked about her children, and Ted, who was having health problems, but whom she loved very much. I talked about my life here, with Mia Luang, and our current work project. I affirmed how some of the things I had gotten involved here wre triggered by her inviting me to her village all thse years ago, and how much I appreciated her giving me this first glimpse into rural Isan (Lao) family life.
A man, who I didn't recognise at first, walked into the lobby, with two young boys, 5 and 4 years old, and a blond tall young woman. He didn't at first recognise me, and then we figured it out. Ted, with his adult daughter, and the two sons. After a few minutes, he said he'd go outside for a smoke. I felt uneasy, maybe he was upset about my presence, she said "No, he just wants a smoke."
I went and joined him outside. He was relaxed, and seemed happy to see me.
The rest of the family joined us, and we sat there for an hour or so, catching up. It was almost as if we had never lost contact, and as if I was just an uncle who had been out of touch for a while. Daughter didn't know where i fitted in, but Nok had earlier asked me to play dumb, I was just an old friend of the couple. Kids relaxed, and enjoyed being photographed.
They had some business in BKK to finish, then next week were coming to pattaya for a few days, maybe we could meet?
Both Ted and Nok reiterated how happy they were to see me. Nok went as far a to say "maybe you can be Godfather of our children, since I have no more contact with my family here"
I was amazed at how after seven years of almost no contact at all, we could sit together, reminisce, and get on like we just last saw each other yesterday.
I left them, happy but confused.
Was i being set up?
My BKK visit this time was totally unannounced. It was supposed to have been last week, I was delayed, and rescheduled to today, only known to the hospital and me. I never stayed in the hotel I was in before, and usually would never walk down that Soi at 8.30 in the morning. I only visit that part of BKK maybe 4 or 5 days per year nowadays.
It had to be chance.
I got home, told Mia Luang about the event, and got slightly drunk. that was yesterday. Today, a bit hung over, I still don't know what to think.
I am very happy she seemed to have landed on her feet in England, she says she's happy, loves living in England, and life is good. I do sense an undercurrent, Ted looks jovial but seems not well at all, they have told me about his health problems, and I think it maybe pretty grim in terms of outlook.
Is that why she wants a Godfather for the children?
Am I being paranoid? Yes.
Posted 26 June 2009 - 05:07
It seems like Nok got her head sorted in the end, so I wouldn't worry. No harm in being friends, right?
Anyway, cheers! Best of luck to you.
Posted 26 June 2009 - 07:04
Probably not. She is still an attractive woman at 36, but I've learnt a painful lesson.
Yes, I was very happy to see that she seemed to have gotten her head together, against all expectations. In 2002, after she got 'engaged' to Ted, she was still screwing round, and FL'ing as well. I thought it would never end up this good.
Good on her.
Posted 26 June 2009 - 07:19
Good on her.
Appearances can be deceiving. I don't know you or her or your situation. I can only go on my own experiences.
I had a similar situation to yours, it seems. Kept in touch with my "first love" in bkk. She had "married" a farang, had a baby and all looked great. I'd call her and her words were, everything is perfect. Well, a couple years later, she has not heard from her hubby in years, she is past her shelf life and she has a 3 year old she supports by selling food with her grandma.
I hope Nok is truly doing well and things don't turn the way they I've seen. Good for her if they don't. :)
Posted 26 June 2009 - 23:42
Is that a migration thing?
i looked at some other old posts from that era, and they had the same problem.
No complaints, I love the fact that this board will let you delve so far into the past, fun to read what some of us got up to so long ago......
Twice bitten, now more careful.
Someone once said: She looks old enough to be your daughter
Now: She's old enough to be your granddaughter
0 user(s) are reading this topic
0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users