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How You've Handled The Death Of A Parent


ChristianTroy

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CT,

 

I lost my mother when I was 24 on assignement in Germany (military service days)

 

My father divorced when I was at university age 20.

 

I had to deal on my own with this situation.

I remember I felt like a zombie having to take care of everything, my father did not show up.

 

I don't know if he is still alive, maybe not, he should be 86.

 

Whatever happens, we don't forget our parents.

 

Good luck to ya.

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I'm extremely sorry to hear what you are going through. Whatever advice you get from everyone, myself included, you will find your own way to cope with it.

 

With me my father died when I was 4 years old so I didn't know what was going on really. My mother died on December 8th last year and I don't think a day has gone by when I don't think about her.

 

Like other expats, I got a call one day to say that it was time to go home and luckily I was able to spend the last 24 hours with her. Sometimes I think she was waiting to see me one last time before she died.

 

Cope with your loss in your own way. There is no right way or wrong way. Just think of the good times you had together.

 

My sincere condolences. I know what you are going through.

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Hi CT...Sorry to hear of your loss. I remember when I lost my dad a few years ago. He didn't feel too good went to the docs and was dead within 13 days from advanced lung cancer. Never smoked a cigggie in his life. How did I deal with his death? I guess the first thing was to celebrate his life. I delivered his eulogy so I guess I spent quiet a bit of time remembering his life. I think this helped me process our relationship and helped me in my grieving. I found that remembering the goods things was the best and seeing how much of him rubbed off on me. Not sure if you got kids but what I have found is every now and then I see a little bit of him lives on in me.

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Cope with your loss in your own way. There is no right way or wrong way. Just think of the good times you had together.

 

My sincere condolences. I know what you are going through.

 

Thank you FM,

I am sorry to hear about your mother. I think about the good times and the times when he was yelling at me, i guess especially his yelling pushed me forward and teached me a lesson.

 

I guess the first thing was to celebrate his life. I delivered his eulogy so I guess I spent quiet a bit of time remembering his life. I think this helped me process our relationship and helped me in my grieving. I found that remembering the goods things was the best and seeing how much of him rubbed off on me. Not sure if you got kids but what I have found is every now and then I see a little bit of him lives on in me.

 

Wow, you got my respect for delivering his eulogy, that's the strongest thing I can think of. We don't do that in Germany, there is usually a priest or a speaker doing that for the family and if the friends wish to add something they can do that. We sat together with my mom and my 2 brothers and the speaker. Everyone told him what was important for us, even some of his bad habits and I think my brothers and me all realised how much of my dad is in us already. I don't have kids but i have employees and sometimes when I disagree witht their work I hear my daddy talking with my voice :)

 

Yesterday was the memorial service and tommorrow we burry his ashes, in Germany you aren't allowed to take him home!

 

The speaker was great, he was following our wishes and it worked for all religions. My Dad would have loved that service because it was an unusual one. Instead of the Organ we had music from a german pop singer "Xavier Naidoo" who recently lost his brother and made a song about it. In the middle of the service we played "My Way" from Sinatra. If you knew my Dad you would agree that this song is the perfect match, my father was really unique, not only for his sons and wife, to everyone, he made decissions for himself and he had success with it! He never lied, he told you what is on his mind 100% unfiltered! Some loved it and some hated it, he was totally impolite but everyone knew what he was up to. Anyways, when they played My Way it was a cleaning moment for me. All my grief, anger and pain came out, after that I felt a lot better and I still do! Tomorrow after burrying his ashes I'll go to the airport and return to Pattaya, a different world a different envoirement, I know it's gonna be good for me. My mom will be busy with work on a cruise ship seminar, she will travel around the world and she has her best friend with her, I guess everybody will do fine and grief for themsleves!

 

Thanx for your support guys!

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Guest lazyphil

5 1/2 years ago my father in law died 1 month after my mrs came to live in england with me, then a few months later 3 weeks after our daughter was born her 20 year old brother was killed on his motorbike in bkk by a hit and run lorry, that funeral was intense to say the least (couldn't make her dads funeral, too heavily pregnant to fly), wind the clock back to when i was living in los the day the doc confirmed the mrs was pregnant my mum called to inform me my sister had been diagnosed with breast cancer.....she passed away 2 years ago at 37yo august 1st.......CT, it does get easier with time but not much to be honest. You have my sympathy.

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CT.

i am sorry for your loss.

i am not being cruel/funny about what i am about to say.

 

i feel that you were lucky that the death was sudden.

 

i don't want you to take my last comment as bad because i watched my Stepfather die after many Years of suffering from Cancer.

yes,only my Stepfather but he was in my life for 29 Years and raised me as a Son and taught me so much.

to watch him slowly die over a number of Years was hard.

to see him suffer for so long and end up weighing 7 Stone was heartbreaking.

 

the last 3 Months were very hard when he was in the Hospice and harder for my Mum as she was spending every night with him.

 

i remember Mum and i talking one Day and i was saying i needed a holiday after all the trauma i was going through but felt guilty about arranging anything while my Stepfather was still alive.

 

a couple of Days later my Stepfather woke up from his normal sleeping self and said thet he remembered a chat and told me to go on holiday,he wanted me and Mum to enjoy ourselves after he was gone.

 

i then booked a holiday to LOS and the rest is history.

 

Mum and i were lucky int he respect that my Stepfather knew he was dying and made some sort of living will.

 

no funeral........

at the time he was cremated my Mum had a little party at our house with all the Nurses who took care of Stepfather and a few glasses of champagne were raised in thanks to the wonderful treatment he was given.

 

he asked that his ashes be scattered on my Uncles farm in South Dakota in the USA and the Grand Canel in Venice.

both these requests were completed and Mum and I are happy that we could do what my Stepfather wanted.

 

i do understand your problems with a sudden death and feel for you and anyone in the same situation.

i am so glad that i had the oppurtunity to fulfill my Stepfathers final wishes and spend time with him during his final days.

 

i wish you best wishes in sorting out all you have to do.

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CT

My sincere sympathy to you. It is always hard when losing a parent. Lost my father suddenly 11 years ago. I did not take that well grieved for months but always felt that was because my life was in turmoil. lost my mother 5 years ago took care of all of the arrangements never shed a tear. Me and my mother were very close. Took my first trip to Thailand 3 months later met my wife and looked up and asked my mom if I was doing the right thing.( she didn't answer) every body handles grief diferently. I think of them almost daily. And sometimes have picked up the phone to call my mother. Just think of the good times and how they guided us to be our own person.

 

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i feel that you were lucky that the death was sudden.

 

That is what makes it much more easier for me! I consider it a gift to have the privilige to die within a second without scaring warning signs, no suffering, no pain. It was what he was always wishing for and for us who are still alive it will take weeks, months, years to really realise what happnend. I had my grief moments but I am trying to live my life as normal as possible, it seems when I am busy this topic is blocked from my head!

Thank you for sharing your story Sayjann!

 

5 1/2 years ago my father in law died 1 month after my mrs came to live in england with me, then a few months later 3 weeks after our daughter was born her 20 year old brother was killed on his motorbike in bkk by a hit and run lorry, that funeral was intense to say the least (couldn't make her dads funeral, too heavily pregnant to fly), wind the clock back to when i was living in los the day the doc confirmed the mrs was pregnant my mum called to inform me my sister had been diagnosed with breast cancer.....she passed away 2 years ago at 37yo august 1st.......CT, it does get easier with time but not much to be honest. You have my sympathy.

 

I am sorry you had to go through so many painful moments already. I also feel for your mother, it must be the most terrible thing in life to see your child pass away, I can't even imagine how painful that is! I believe this is much harder for your and your family to go on with a regular life than it is for my family and me. My Dad was 71 and he had a fulfilled life, a great wife, 3 independend sons, 5 grand children and a sudden and painless death, what else could he possibly wish for?

 

CT

lost my mother 5 years ago took care of all of the arrangements never shed a tear. Me and my mother were very close.

 

I am sorry to hear that, I believe making all arangements is a very good way to cut your loss. You can't hide in your room and think for yourself, you have to speak it out loud, you have to tell the priest / speaker her story, you have to talk about her death and her life to other people, you have to take care of everything that was left behind. This helped me very much and I believe it made me stronger!

 

 

 

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