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Anyone From Tennessee


The_Munchmaster

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How do ya know when you're stayin' in a Tennessee hotel?

 

When ya call the front desk and say, "I gotta leak in my sink" and the clerk replies, "Go ahead".

 

 

A Tennessee State trooper pulls over a pickup and says to the driver, "Got any I.D.?" and the driver replies "Bout what?"

 

 

A new law has been passed in Tennessee. When a couple gets divorced, they're STILL cousins.

 

 

A guy walks into a Tennessee bar and orders a drink.

 

The bartender looks at the man and says, "You aint from 'round hear are ya?"

 

"No" replies the man, "I'm from Pennsylvania".

 

The bartender looks at him and says, "Well, what do ya do in Pennsylvania?"

 

"I'm a taxidermist", said the man.

 

The bartender, looking very bewildered now asks, "What in the world is a tax-e-derm-ist?"

 

The man says, "I mount animals".

 

The bartender stands back and hollers to the whole bar, "It's okay boys, he's one of us!"

 

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STATE OF TENNESSEE RESIDENCY APPLICATION

 

 

Name: ________________

(_) Billy-Bob

(_) Billy-Joe

(_) Billy-Ray

(_) Billy-Sue

(_) Billy-Mae

(_) Billy-Jack

(Check appropriate box)

 

Age: ____

Sex: ____ M _____ F _____ N/A

Shoe Size: ____ Left ____ Right

 

Occupation:

 

(_) Farmer

(_) Mechanic

(_) Hair Dresser

(_) Un-employed

 

Spouse's Name: __________________________

 

Relationship with spouse:

 

(_) Sister

(_) Brother

(_) Aunt

(_) Uncle

(_) Cousin

(_) Mother

(_) Father

(_) Son

(_) Daughter

(_) Pet

 

Number of children living in household: ___

 

Number that are yours: ___

 

Mother's Name: _______________________

 

Father's Name: _______________________ (If not sure, leave blank)

 

Education: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed)

 

Do you (_)own or (_)rent your mobile home? (Check appropriate box)

 

___ Total number of vehicles you own

___ Number of vehicles that still crank

___ Number of vehicles in front yard

___ Number of vehicles in back yard

___ Number of vehicles on cement blocks

 

Firearms you own and where you keep them:

 

____ truck

____ bedroom

____ bathroom

____ kitchen

____ shed

 

Model and year of your pickup: _____________ 194_

 

Do you have a gun rack?

 

(_) Yes (_) No; please explain:

 

 

Newspapers/magazines you subscribe to:

 

(_) The National Enquirer

(_) The Globe

(_) TV Guide

(_) Soap Opera Digest

(_) Rifle and Shotgun

 

___ Number of times you've seen a UFO

___ Number of times you've seen Elvis

___ Number of times you've seen Elvis in a UFO

 

How often do you bathe:

 

(_)Weekly

(_)Monthly

(_)Not Applicable

 

Color of teeth:

 

(_)Yellow

(_)Brownish-Yellow

(_)Brown

(_)Black

(_)N/A

 

Brand of chewing tobacco you prefer:

 

(_)Red-Man

 

How far is your home from a paved road?

 

(_)1 mile

(_)2 miles

(_)don't know

 

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In case anybody wondered:

 

 

"The term "Hill-Billies" is first encountered in documents from 17th century Ireland. Roman Catholic King James II landed at Kinsale in Ireland in 1689 and began to raise a Catholic army in an attempt to regain the British throne. Protestant King William III, Prince of Orange, led an English counter force into Ireland and defeated James II at the Battle of the Boyne in 1690. A significant portion of William III's army was composed of Protestants of Scottish descent (Planters) who had settled in Ulster in northern Ireland. The southern Irish Catholic supporters of James II referred to these northern Protestant supporters of King William as "Hill-Billies" and "Billy Boys" -- Billy being an abbreviation of William; the term "Billy Boy" is still used today, mainly in Northern Ireland. The Catholics and Protestants were at war and the terms were not spoken in kindness. Supporters of King William more generally came to be known as Orangemen.

 

"It is believed that the term "hillbilly" in the United States was conferred during the early 18th Century by the occupying British soldiers as a carry over from the Irish term, in referring to Scotch-Irish immigrants of mainly Presbyterian origin, dwelling in the frontier areas of the Appalachian Mountains. These Protestant Irish colonists brought their cultural traditions with them when they immigrated. Many of their stories, songs and ballads dealt with the history of their Ulster and Lowland Scot homelands, especially relating the tale of the Protestant King William III, Prince of Orange."

 

Wikipedia

 

 

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