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Courtesy of jokes.christiansunite.com

 

Robbing The Amish

 

Two fellers were in desparate need of cash, but admittedly were a bit cowardly. So the one suggested they break into the Amish market. The logic being that since the Amish were non-resistant, even if they were caught, no harm could befall them. Thus they carried out their plot.

 

However, just as they were breaking into the cash register, the owner turned on the lights and confronted them, a shotgun pointed directly at them.

 

Calmly, the Amishman said, Boys, I would never do thee any harm yet you are standing where I am about to shoot.

 

:rotl::rotfl::rotl::rotfl::rotl::rotfl:

 

Funniest thing I've heard in years. :liar:

 

 

 

 

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This ones even more hilarious (same source).

 

Collateral Required

 

An Amish man wanted a loan for $500. He approached his local banker. The banker pulled out the loan application, asking, "What are you going to do with the money?"

 

"Take some jewelry to city and sell it," said the Amish man.

 

"What have you got for collateral?" queried the banker, going strictly by the book.

 

"Don't know what collateral means."

 

"Well that's something of value that would cover the cost of the loan. Have you got any vehicles?"

 

"Yes, I have a 1949 Chevy pickup."

 

The banker shook his head, "How about livestock?"

 

"Yes, I have a horse."

 

"How old is it?"

 

"I don't know; it has no teeth."

 

Finally the banker decided to make the $500 loan.

 

Several weeks later the Amish man was back in the bank. He pulled out a roll of bills, "Here's the money to pay loan," he said, handing the entire amount including interest.

 

"What are you going to do with the rest of that money?"

 

"Put it in my pocket."

 

"Why don't you deposit it in my bank?" he asked.

 

"I don't know what deposit means."

 

"Well, you put the money in our bank and we take care of it for you. When you want to use it you can withdraw it."

 

The Amish man leaned across the desk, looking suspiciously at the banker, and asked, "What you got for collateral?"

 

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

 

 

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Once upon a time three Army officers were walking through the woods. Suddenly, they found themselves standing before a huge, roaring river. They absolutely had to get to the other side ... but how? They had never seen such a raging torrent in all their lives.

 

The first officer knelt down and turned to the Lord in prayer. â??Dear Lord, please give me the strength to cross this river! "

 

*pppppfffffffuuuuffffffff shazzam!*

 

The Lord gave him long arms and strong legs. Now he could swim across the river. It took him almost two hours and he nearly drowned, but he at last he succeeded.

 

The second officer, having observed this, prayed to the Lord. â??Dear God ... please give me the strength and the necessary tools to cross this river.â?Â

 

*pppppfffffffuuuuffffffff shazzam!*

 

The Lord provided him with a wash tub. He managed to cross the river despite the fact that the tub almost capsized several times.

 

By now, the third officer had learned from what he saw. â??Dear Lord," he asked, "please give me the strength, the means and the intelligence to cross this river!â?Â

 

*pppppfffffffuuuuffffffff shazzam*

 

God turned the officer into a sergeant. The sergeant took a quick glance at his map, walked about a hundred meters upstream, and went across the bridge.

 

 

 

True story! :)

 

 

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