Any New Jokes

[The_Munchmaster]

..., some RM

Williams boots,...

Zob 65 swears by them.

 

Good joke BTW.

 

[Torneyboy]

They are top notch clobber down here....

[Mekong]

A woman went to the Doctors and rather sheepishly explained that she had a problem with her Vagina. The Doctor told her to go into the examination room strip off,put on a gown and lie on the table.

 

A few minutes later he came in lifted up the gown and said in pure disbelive "Oh My God! That looks like a lettuce leaf growing down there" to which the woman replied "Doc I can assure you that is only the tip of the Iceberg"

[Dumsoda]

5555555555555

[Torneyboy]

Oh dear

[CTO]

There goes my diet!

[Flashermac]

A little boy went to his father and asked the inevitable question. "Daddy where did I come from?"

 

His father thought a bit, then answered:

 

"Well, son, your mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail and we met at a cybercafe.

 

"We sneaked into a secluded room -- where your mother agreed to a download from my hard-drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered neither one of us had used a firewall. It was too late to hit the delete button.

 

"Nine months later a little Pop Up appeared that said 'You got male' -- and that was you."

 

 

[The_Munchmaster]

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.

 

The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, 'Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly.'

 

The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?'

 

The first man thought and thought and finally said, 'What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know... The one that's red and has thorns.'

 

'Do you mean a rose?'

 

'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man.

 

He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, 'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?'

[The_Munchmaster]

Prince Charles decided to take up jogging.

 

Every day, he'd jog past a hooker standing on the same street corner.

 

He learned to brace himself as he approached her for what was almost certain to follow.

 

'One hundred and fifty pounds!' she'd shout from the curb.

 

'No! Five pounds!' He would fire back, just to shut her up.

 

This ritual between him and the hooker became a daily occurrence.

 

He'd run by and she'd yell, 'One hundred and Fifty pounds!' He'd yell back, 'Five pounds!'

 

One day, Camilla decided that she wanted to accompany her husband on his jog.

 

As the jogging couple neared the working woman's street corner, Prince Charles realised she'd bark her £150 offer and Camilla would wonder what he'd really been doing on all his past outings.

 

He figured he'd better have a good explanation for his wife.

 

As they jogged into the turn that would take them past the corner, he became even more apprehensive than usual.

 

Sure enough, there was the hooker. He tried to avoid the prostitute's eyes as she watched the pair jog past.

 

Then, from her corner, the hooker yelled: 'See what you get for five pounds, you tight bastard?!'

[The_Munchmaster]

A man boarded an aircraft at London and took his seat; as he settled in he noticed a very beautiful woman boarding the plane. He realized she was heading straight towards his seat and bingo!, she took the seat right beside him.

 

Eager to strike up a conversation, he blurted out, 'business trip or vacation?'

 

She turned, smiled enchantingly and said 'Business. I'm going to the annual nymphomaniac convention in the United States'.

 

He swallowed hard, here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting for nymphomaniacs!

 

Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, 'What's your business role at this convention?'

 

'Lecturer,' she responded. 'I use my experience to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality.'

 

'Really', he smiled, 'what myths are those?'

 

'Well,' she explained, ' one popular myth is that African American men are the most well endowed when, in fact, it's the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is that French men are the best lovers, when actually it is the men of Greek descent. We have also found that the best potential lovers in all categories are the Scots,'

 

Suddenly the woman became uncomfortable and blushed. 'I'm sorry,' she said, 'I really shouldn't be discussing this with you, I don't even know your name.'

 

'Tonto,' the man said.... 'Tonto Papadopoulos, but my friends call me Jimmy.'