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One fine sunny morning, a priest took a walk in the local forest.

He was walking by a small stream when he noticed a sad looking frog sitting ona toadstool.

"What's wrong with you?" said the priest.

"Well," said the frog, "the reason I am so sad on this fine day is because I wasn't always a frog."

"Really?" said the priest. "Can you explain!"

"Once upon a time, when I was an 11-year-old choirboy at the local church. I too was walking through this forest when I was confronted by a wicked witch.

"'Let me pass!' I yelled, but to no avail. She called me a cheeky little boy and, with a flash of her wand, turned me into this frog you see before you."

"That's an incredible story," said the priest. "Is there no way of reversing this spell?"

"Yes," replied the frog, "it is said, that if a nice kind person picks me up, takes me home, gives me food, warmth and a good nights sleep thenI will wake up a boy once again."

"Today's your lucky day!" said the priest, picking up the frog and taking him home. The priest gave the frog lots of food, placed him by the fire and at bedtime put the frog on the pillow beside him.

When the priest awoke, he saw the 11-year-old choirboy beside him in bed.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"And that my lord concludes the case for the Defence."

 

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Bruce is driving over the Sydney Harbour Bridge one day when he sees

his girlfriend Sheila about to throw herself off.

Bruce slams on the brakes and yells, "Sheila, what the hell d'ya think you're doing?"

Sheila turns around with a tear in her eye and says, "G'day Bruce. Ya got me pregnant and so now I'm gonna kill myself."

Bruce gets a lump in his throat when he hears this. He says "Strewth Sheila..... Not only are you a great shag, but you're a real sport too." and drives off.

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There's an Englishman, Irishman & Scotsman all talking about their teenage daughters. The Englishman says" I was cleaning my daughter's room the other day & I found a packet of cigarettes. I was really shocked as I didn't even know she smokes".

The Scotsman says " That's nothing. I was cleaning my daughter's room the other day when I came across a half full bottle of Vodka. I was really shocked as I didn't even know she drank."

With that the Irishman says " Both of you have got nothing to worry about. I was cleaning my daughter's room the other day when I found a packet of condoms. I was really shocked. I didn't even know she had a cock"

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Aging Mildred was a 93-year-old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband Earl. She decided that she would just kill herself and join him in death. Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out Earl's old Army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart since it was so badly broken in the first place. Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a vegetable and burden someone, she called her doctor's office to inquire as to just

exactly where the heart would be.

"On a woman," the doctor said, "your heart would be just below your left breast."

 

Later that night, Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot wound to her knee.

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A milkman is making his deliveries and finds a note attached to a customerâ??s door saying, â??I need 45 gallons of milk.â??

 

He knocks at the door and a beautiful, dumb blonde answers it. â??Is this a mistake?â?? the milkman asks. â??No,â?? she says. â??I was watching a talk-show and it said bathing in milk is a good aphrodisiac.â?? â??Really?â?? replies the milkman. â??Do you want that pasteurized?â?? â??No, up to my tits will be fine,â?? she says

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There's an Englishman, Irishman & Scotsman all talking about their teenage daughters. The Englishman says" I was cleaning my daughter's room the other day & I found a packet of cigarettes. I was really shocked as I didn't even know she smokes".

The Irishman says " That's nothing. I was cleaning my daughter's room the other day when I came across a half full bottle of Vodka. I was really shocked as I didn't even know she drank."

With that the Scotsman says " Both of you have got nothing to worry about. I was cleaning my daughter's room the other day when I found a packet of condoms. I was really shocked. I didn't even know she had a cock"

:neener:

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