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There's a competition on a UK radio station where callers have to make up a word and then use the word in a sentence. The competion lasted one day and the best word and sentence would win a holiday to Hawaii.

 

Phone rings

 

DJ: Hallo who's calling?

Caller: Me name's Dave.

DJ: OK Dave, what's your word?

Caller: Goan. Pronounced go-an and spelt g o a n.

 

DJ checks the dictionary

 

DJ: OK Dave, the word isn't in the dictionary, so for the chance to win a holiday in Hawaii, let's have your sentence.

Caller: Goan fuck yourself!

 

DJ immediately disconnects the caller

 

Many calls later

 

DJ: Hallo who's calling?

Caller: Me name's Dave.

DJ: OK Dave, what's your word?

Caller: Smee. Pronounced smee and spelt s m e e.

 

DJ checks the dictionary

 

DJ: OK Dave, the word isn't in the dictionary, so for the chance to win a holiday in Hawaii, let's have your sentence.

Caller: Smee again, goan fuck yourself!

 

DJ immediately disconnects the caller

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Socrates

 

Keep this in mind the next time you are about to repeat a rumour.

 

In ancient Greece (469 - 399 BC), Socrates was widely lauded for his wisdom.

 

One day, an acquaintance ran up to him excitedly and said, 'Socrates, do you know what I just heard about one of your students?'

 

'Wait a moment,' Socrates replied, 'Before you tell me I'd like you to pass a little test. It's called the Triple Filter Test.'

 

'Triple filter?' asked the acquaintance.

 

'That's right,' Socrates continued. 'Before you talk to me about my student let's take a moment to filter what you're going to say. The first filter is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?'

 

'No,' the man said, 'actually I just heard about it.'

 

'All right,' said Socrates. 'So you don't really know if it's true or not. Now let's try the second filter, the filter of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about my student something good?'

 

'No, on the contrary ...'.

 

'So,' Socrates continued, 'you want to tell me something bad about him, even though you're not certain it's true?'.

 

The man shrugged, a little embarrassed. Socrates continued.' You may still pass the test though, because there is a third filter - the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about my student going to be useful to me?'

 

'No, not really...'

 

'Well,' concluded Socrates, 'if what you want to tell me is neither True nor Good nor even Useful, why tell it to me at all?'

 

The man was defeated and ashamed. This is the reason Socrates was a great philosopher and held in such high esteem. It also explains why he never found out that Plato was shagging his missus.

 

 

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I'd say that the knowledge of someone shagging your missus IS useful...

 

Cheers,

SD

 

I'd say....not useful....and sometimes painful....

 

but in many cases ..factual....

 

sorta a case of ..... same same....but not different....

 

What's the difference betwen a GTG....and a Hooker...???

 

NOTHING....they both have mo-by bills to pay.....

 

Cheers DC

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WHAT CAUSES ARTHRITIS?

 

A drunk man who smelled like beer sat

down on a subway next to a priest.

 

The man's tie was stained, his face

was plastered with red lipstick, and a

half-empty bottle of grin was sticking

out of his torn coat pocket. He opened

his newspaper an begin reading.

 

After a few minutes the man turned to the

priest and asked, 'Say Father, what

causes arthritis?'

 

The priest replies, 'My Son,

it's caused by loose living, being with cheap,

wicked women, too much alcohol, contempt

for your fellow man, sleeping around with prostitutes and lack of a bath.'

 

The drunk muttered in response,

'Well, I'll be .....,' Then returned to his paper.

 

The priest, thin king about what he had

said, nudged the man and apologized.

 

'I'm very sorry. Didn't mean to come on so strong.

How long have you had arthritis?'

 

The drunk answered, 'I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the

Pope does.'

 

MORAL: Make sure you understand the

question before offering the answer.

 

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...they both have mo-by bills to pay...

5555555555 How'd you know I just paid Ms Vampy's mo-by bill this month cuz she was short (of money, that is). :beer:

 

As well as getting railroaded into paying for a chunk of her latest philanthropic adventure to the Burmese border.

 

As we always say, there's no such thing as free pussy!

 

Cheers,

SD -- doesn't mind a bit as Ms V doesn't abuse it

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