Jump to content

Any New Jokes


bust
 Share

Recommended Posts

 

 

After 20 years of marriage, a husband and wife came for counseling.

 

 

 

When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the years they had been married.?

 

 

 

On and on and on: neglect, lack of imtimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured.

 

 

 

Finally, after allowing this for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and after asking the wife to stand, embraced and kissed her passionately as her husband watched with a raised eyebrow.? The woman shut up and quietly sat down as though in a daze.?

 

 

 

The therapist turned to the husband and said, 'this is what your wife needs at least 3 times a week.? Can you do this?'

 

 

 

The husband thought for a moment and replied, 'Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I fish.'

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

 

Top Four Adult Jokes

 

 

 

Fourth Place :

 

A man bumps into a woman in a hotel lobby and as he does,

his elbow goes into her breast.

They are both quite startled.

 

The man turns to her and says, 'Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast,

I know you'll forgive me.'

She replies, 'If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 221.'

------------ --------- --------- ---------

Third Place :

One night, as a couple lays down for bed, the husband starts rubbing his wife's arm.

The wife turns over and says 'I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh.'

The husband, rejected, turns over.

A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again.

'Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?'

------------ --------- --------- --------- -

 

Runner Up:

Bill worked in a pickle factory.

He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day

to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion.

He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer.

His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill said he would be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own.

One day a few weeks later, Bill came home and his wife co uld see at once that something was seriously wrong.

'What's wrong, Bill?' she asked.

'Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?'

'Oh, Bill, you didn't' she exclaimed.

'Yes, I did.' he replied.

 

'My God, Bill, what20happened? '

 

'I got fired.'

'No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?'

'Oh...she got fired too.'

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------

Winner:

A couple had been married for 50 years.

They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the wife says, 'Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together.'

'I know,' the old man said. 'We were probably sitting here naked as a jaybird fifty years ago.'

'Well,' Granny snickered. 'Let's relive some old times.'

Where upon, the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table.

'You know, honey,' the little old lady breathlessly r eplied, 'My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago.'

'I wouldn't be surprised,' replied Gramps. 'One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal.

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The following question was asked in a recent poll:

 

 

'Are there too many immigrants in Britain?'

21% Said: Yes

17% Said: No

62% Said: عÙ?د اÙ?Ø£Ù?Ù? اÙ?عاÙ?Ù?Ù? بÙ?اشÙ?Ø·

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
 Share

×
×
  • Create New...