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Any New Jokes


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Jokes to offend everyone!

 

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A Tasmanian couple was walking out of the divorce court, the wife crying her heart out.

 

Her ex-husband said, "Oh for fuck's sake stop crying. You're still my sister."

 

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My wife asked what reincarnation is. I explained, when you die you come back as something else.

 

She said she wanted to come back as a pig.

 

I said, "You're not listening"

 

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Was depressed last night, rang lifeline. Got a call centre in Afghanistan, told them I was suicidal.

 

They got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck.

 

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I am going to watch my wedding video in reverse later.

 

I love the part where she takes her ring off and walks down the aisle backwards, gets in the car and fucks off.

 

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A car bomb was found outside Lakemba Mosque today. Police have urged the public not to panic as they have managed to push it inside the mosque.

 

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A woman went into a shoe shop and saw a gorgeous pair of white stilettos. She asked what are they made of.

 

The assistant said they were made from human skin and cost $1500.00 a pair.

 

The woman said she couldn't afford that.

 

The assistant said, "Don't worry. We have them in black for $4.99."

 

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A woman was in labour, screaming, "Get this out of me, give me drugs."

 

She turned to her husband and said, "You did this to me, you son of a bitch!"

 

He replied, "If you remember, I wanted to stick it up your arse but you said, 'Fuck off, it'll be too painful.' Now who's complaining?"

 

 

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