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A very pretty young speech therapist was getting nowhere with her Stammerers Action group. She had tried every technique in the book without the slightest success.

 

Finally, thoroughly exasperated, she said 'If any of you can tell me the name of the town where you were born, without stuttering, I will have wild and passionate sex with you until your muscles ache and your eyes water.

 

So, who wants to go first?'

 

The Englishman piped up. 'B-b-b-b-b-b-b-irmingham', he said.

 

 

 

'That's no use, Trevor' said the speech therapist, 'whose next?'

 

 

 

The Scotsman raised his hand and blurted out 'P-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-aisley'.

 

 

 

'That's no better. There'll be no sex for you, I'm afraid, Hamish.

 

How about you, Paddy ?'

 

The Irishman took a deep breath and eventually blurted out ' London '.

 

'Brilliant, Paddy' said the speech therapist and immediately set about honouring her promise.

 

After 15 minutes of exceptionally steamy sex, the couple paused for breath and Paddy said ....................

 

 

 

 

'-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-erry'

 

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In 1969, during a tour of Arnhem Land with his wife and daughter, Rolf briefly stayed with a man called Ted Egan. Ted sung him this song, which Rolf recorded on tape. When he got back to England and talked his television producer into using the song, Rolf discovered he had lost the tape! Rolf rang Ted, twelve thousand miles away in Canberra, and got him to sing the song over the phone. Alan Braden arranged the song for the TV show, and the audience reaction was so marvellous that Rolf decided to record it. This song was top of the hit parade for seven weeks over Christmas 1969.

 

Two little boys

 

Two little boys had two little toys

Each had a wooden horse

Gaily they played each summer's day

Warriors both of course

One little chap then had a mishap

Broke off his horse's head

Wept for his toy then cried with joy

As his young playmate said

 

 

Did you think I would leave you crying

When there's room on my horse for two

Climb up here Jack and don't be crying

I can go just as fast with two

When we grow up we'll both be soldiers

And our horses will not be toys

And I wonder if we'll remember

When we were two little boys

 

 

Long years had passed, war came so fast

Bravely they marched away

Cannon roared loud, and in the mad crowd

Wounded and dying lay

Up goes a shout, a horse dashes out

Out from the ranks so blue

Gallops away to where Joe lay

Then came a voice he knew

 

 

Did you think I would leave you dying

When there's room on my horse for two

Climb up here Joe, we'll soon be flying

I can go just as fast with two

Did you say Joe I'm all a-tremble

Perhaps it's the battle's noise

But I think it's that I remember

When we were two little boys

 

 

Do you think I would leave you dying

There's room on my horse for two

Climb up here Joe, we'll soon by flying

Back to the ranks so blue

Can you feel Joe I'm all a tremble

Perhaps it's the battle's noise

But I think it's that I remember

When we were two little boys

 

 

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  • 2 weeks later...

One beautiful afternoon, a young redneck boy runs into his house and yells “Paw, I found her! I found the girl I’m gonna marry, and she’s a virgin!â€Â

 

Now while this might impress some families, it irritated and upset his father. Pounding his fist on the table, he yells back “There’s no way you’ll marry that girl! If she ain’t good enough for her own family, she ain’t good enough for ours!â€Â

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