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A senior citizen goes in for his yearly physical with his wife tagging along.

 

When the doctor enters the examination room he says, "I will need a urine sample, a stool sample, and a sperm sample."

The man, being hard of hearing, turns to his wife and asks, "What did he say?"

The wife yells back to him,

"GIVE HIM YOUR UNDERPANTS"

 

 

 

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THE HORTH WHITHPERER

 

A guy calls his buddy, the horse rancher, and says he's sending a friend over to look at a horse.

 

His buddy asks, 'How will I recognize him?'

 

'That's easy; he's a dwarf with a speech impediment.'

 

So, the dwarf shows up, and the guy asks him if he's looking for a male or female horse.

 

'A female horth.'

 

So he shows him a prized filly.

 

'Nith lookin horth. Can I thee her eyeth?'

 

So the guy picks up the dwarf and he gives the horse's eyes the once over.

 

'Nith eyeth, can I thee her earzth?'

 

So he picks the little fella up again, and shows him the horse's ears.

 

'Nith earzth, can I thee her mouf?'

 

The rancher is getting pretty ticked off by this point, but he picks him up again and shows him the horse's mouth.

 

'Nice mouf, can I see her twat?'

 

Totally mad at this point, the rancher grabs him under his arms and rams the dwarf's head up the horse's fanny, pulls him out and slams him on the ground.

 

The midget gets up, sputtering and coughing.

 

'Perhapth I should rephrase that. Can I thee her wun awound a widdlebit?'

 

 

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A senior citizen goes in for his yearly physical with his wife tagging along.

 

When the doctor enters the examination room he says, "I will need a urine sample, a stool sample, and a sperm sample."

The man, being hard of hearing, turns to his wife and asks, "What did he say?"

The wife yells back to him,

"GIVE HIM YOUR UNDERPANTS"

Booooooooooooo. old as the mountains!

 

 

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The love story of Ralph and Edna...

 

Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to,

doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have. Ralph and Edna

were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were

walking past the hospital swimming pool, Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end.

 

He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.

 

Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him out.

When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately

ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her

to be mentally stable.

 

When she went to tell Edna the news she said, 'Edna, I have good news and bad news.

The good news is you're being discharged, since you were able to rationally

respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the person you love.

I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness.

 

The bad news is, Ralph hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt

right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead.'

 

Edna replied, 'He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?'

 

 

 

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Paddy was walking along a street in Dublin when he rounds a corner and there's a 5 storey building on fire.

 

Paddy being the kind-hearted Irishman he is, runs up to the building to see what he can do to assist.

 

He notices that there are people trapped on the top floor, leaning out the windows and calling for help.

 

Paddy yells up to the people 'I'm Patrick Sean Michael Fitzpatrick', the Irish Rugby Union fullback. I'm used to fielding high balls so if you jump I'll catch you."

 

As the fire is rapidly encroaching on their space one lady, in desperation, jumps out the window and sure enough Paddy catches her and puts her on the ground.

 

Seeing Paddy catch the woman, a young man leaps out of the window and sure enough, Paddy catches him cleanly and stands him up on the pavement.

 

Witnessing this, the next person, a black man, jumps out the window.

 

Paddy makes no attempt to catch him but just steps to one side and the man slams into the ground!

 

Paddy looks up at the remaining people and yells ............. "Don't be wasting the time throwing out the fookin' burnt ones." :cover:

 

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Finally, the true story.

 

 

 

Some time ago President Clinton was hosting a state dinner when,

at the last minute, his regular cook fell ill, and they had to

get a replacement on short notice. The fellow arrived and turned

out to be a very grubby-looking man named Jon. The President

voiced his concerns to his Chief of Staff but was told that this

was the best they could do on such short notice.

 

Just before the meal, the President noticed the cook sticking his

finger in the soup to taste it and again complained to the Chief

of Staff, but he was told that this man was supposed to be a very

good chef. The meal went okay, but the President was sure that

the soup tasted a little funny. By the time dessert came, he was

starting to have stomach cramps and nausea.

 

It was getting worse and worse until finally the President had to

excuse himself from the dinner to look for the bathroom. Passing

through the kitchen, he caught sight of the cook, Jon, scratching

his rear end, which made him feel even worse. By now, the

President was desperately ill with violent cramps and was so

disorientated that he couldn't remember which door led to the

bathroom.

 

He was on the verge of passing out from the pain when he finally

found a door that opened. As he unzipped his trousers and ran in,

he realized to his horror that he had stumbled into Monica

Lewinsky's office with his trousers around his knees.

 

As he was just about to pass out, she bent over him and heard the

President whisper in a barely audible voice, "Sack my cook."

 

 

 

And that is how the whole misunderstanding occurred.

 

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