Mekong Posted September 22, 2010 Report Share Posted September 22, 2010 Teacher : Can you tell me the name of 3 great kings who have brought happiness & peace into people's lives? Student : smo-king , drin-king & fuc-king... There are a few boardmembers who shall will remain nameless who would have mentioned wan-king! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Coss Posted September 23, 2010 Report Share Posted September 23, 2010 you talking about me? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The_Munchmaster Posted September 28, 2010 Report Share Posted September 28, 2010 The Internal Revenue determined that a farmer was not paying proper wages to his staff and sent an investigator out to interview him. "I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them!", demanded the investigator. "Well," replied the farmer, "there's my farm hand who's been with me for three years. I pay him 200 Euro a week plus free room and board." "The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her 150 Euro per week plus free room and board." "Then there's the halfwit. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about 10 Euro a week. He pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of whiskey every Saturday night. He also sleeps with my wife occasionally." "That's the guy I want to talk to...the halfwit!" said the agent. "That would be me," replied the farmer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The_Munchmaster Posted September 28, 2010 Report Share Posted September 28, 2010 A few one liners.... A sewage farm. In what way is it a farm? Is there a farm shop? (Jack Dee) Most of us have a skeleton in the cupboard. David Beckham takes his out in public. (Andrew Laurence) A hotel mini-bar allows you to see into the future and find out what a can of Pepsi will cost in 2020. (Rich Hall) I'm dating now, because I ran out of money for hookers. (Rick Shapiro) They say being a hostage is difficult - but I could do that with my hands tied behind my back. (Phil Nichol) Grandchildren can be f**ing annoying. How many times can you go ‘And the cow goes moo and the pig goes oink’? It’s like talking to a supermodel. (Joan Rivers) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BelgianBoy Posted September 29, 2010 Report Share Posted September 29, 2010 Passenger to a Sexy Air Hostess : What is your name ? Air Hostess answers : Mercedes, Sir ! Passenger says : Lovely name ! Any relation with Mercedes Benz ? Air hostess : Same Price Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pasathai1 Posted October 2, 2010 Report Share Posted October 2, 2010 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flashermac Posted October 2, 2010 Report Share Posted October 2, 2010 . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flashermac Posted October 3, 2010 Report Share Posted October 3, 2010 Warning ... offensive Irish humour time. Two Irish couples decided to swap partners for the night. After 3 hours of amazing sex, Paddy said, "I wonder how the girls are gettin' on." ......................... Pat called Easyjet to book a flight. The operator asked, "How many people are flying with you ?" Pat replied, "How should I know? It's your plane." .......................... An Arab was sitting next to Paddy on a plane. Paddy ordered a whisky. The stewardess asked the Arab if he'd like a drink. The man replied in disgust, "I'd rather be raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips!" Paddy handed his drink back and said, "Me too, I didn't know we had a choice!" ......................... Paddy took his new wife to bed on their wedding night. She undressed, lay on the bed spread-eagled and said, "You know what I want, don't you ?" Said Paddy, "The whole fookin' bed by the looks of it!" ......................... Mick and Sean were reading tombstones at an old cemetery. Mick suddenly said, "Crikey! There's a bloke here who was 152!" "What's his name?" Sean asked. Mick replied, "Miles, from London!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flashermac Posted October 3, 2010 Report Share Posted October 3, 2010 I bought a new Ford F-150 and returned to the dealer yesterday because I couldn't get the radio to work. The salesman explained that the radio was voice activated. 'Nelson,' the salesman said to the radio. The radio asked, 'Ricky or Willie?' 'Willie!' he said, and 'On The Road Again' came from the speakers. Then he said, 'Ray Charles'. In an instant 'Georgia On My Mind' replaced Willie Nelson. I drove away happy, and for the next few days, every time I'd say, 'Beethoven', I'd get beautiful classical music. If I said, 'Beatles,' I'd get one of their delightful songs. Yesterday, some idiot ran a red light and nearly creamed my new truck, but I swerved just in time to avoid him. I yelled, 'Asshole!' Immediately the radio responded with, "Ladies and gentlemen, the President of The United States I love this truck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Redbaron Posted October 9, 2010 Report Share Posted October 9, 2010 Heard the other day they are using viagra in the burns units of hospitals now.. keeps the sheets off the patients. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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