Mekong Posted March 5, 2012 Report Share Posted March 5, 2012 Alzheimer's Self Test...from WEB-MD If you are over 45 yrs old, you MUST take this Alzheimer's Test How fast can you guess these words and fill-in the blanks? 1. _ _NDOM 2. F_ _K 3. P_N_S 4. PU_S_ 5. S_X 6. BOO_S | | | | | | | | | | Answers: 1. RANDOM 2. FORK 3. PANTS 4. PULSE 5. SIX 6. BOOKS You got all 6 wrong....didn't you? You do NOT have Alzheimer's You are a Pervert!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sayjann Posted March 5, 2012 Report Share Posted March 5, 2012 Alzheimer's Self Test...from WEB-MD If you are over 45 yrs old, you MUST take this Alzheimer's Test How fast can you guess these words and fill-in the blanks? 1. _ _NDOM 2. F_ _K 3. P_N_S 4. PU_S_ 5. S_X 6. BOO_S | | | | | | | | | | Answers: 1. RANDOM 2. FORK 3. PANTS 4. PULSE 5. SIX 6. BOOKS You got all 6 wrong....didn't you? You do NOT have Alzheimer's You are a Pervert!! i only got 5 wrong...not a 100% pervert... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flashermac Posted March 7, 2012 Report Share Posted March 7, 2012 The kids filed back into class Monday morning. They were very excited. Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on productive salesmanship. Little Sally led off: "I sold Girl Scout cookies and I made $30," she said proudly, "My sales approach was to appeal to the customer's civil spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious success." "Very good," said the teacher. Little Mary was next: "I sold magazines," she said, "I made $45 and I explained to everyone that magazines would keep them up on current events.†"Very good, Mary," said the teacher. Eventually, it was Little Johnny's turn. The teacher held her breath. Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full of cash on the teacher's desk. "$2,467," he said. "$2,467!" cried the teacher, "What in the world were you selling?" "Toothbrushes," said Little Johnny. "Toothbrushes!" echoed the teacher, "How could you possibly sell enough tooth brushes to make that much money?" "I found the busiest corner in town," said Little Johnny. "I set up a Dip & Chip stand and gave everybody who walked by a free sample. They all said the same thing, 'Hey, this tastes like dog shit!' Then I would say, 'It is dog shit. Wanna buy a toothbrush?' "I used the Gillard approach of giving you something shitty for free, and then making you pay to get the taste out of your mouth." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flashermac Posted March 18, 2012 Report Share Posted March 18, 2012 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BelgianBoy Posted March 18, 2012 Report Share Posted March 18, 2012 I see both King and Kong ! BB Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ALHOLK Posted March 18, 2012 Report Share Posted March 18, 2012 i only got 5 wrong...not a 100% pervert... I too got 5 wrong. I'd rather be a pervert than have alzheimers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mekong Posted March 24, 2012 Report Share Posted March 24, 2012 Stevie Wonder is playing his 1st gig in China and the place is packed to the rafters. In a bid to break the ice he asks if anyone has a request. One chap jumps out of his seat in the 1st row and shouts at the top of his voice "Play a jazz chord ! play a jazz chord!" Amazed that this guy knows about the jazz influences in Stevie's career, the blind impresario starts to play an E minor scale and then goes into a difficult jazz melody for about 10 minutes.When he finishes the whole place goes wild. The chap jumps out of his seat again and shouts "No, no, play a jazz chord, play a jazz chord". A bit cheesed off by this, Stevie, being the professional he is, dives straight in to a jazz improvisation with his band around the B flat minor chord and really tears the place apart. The crowd go ballistic with this impromptu show of his musical expertise. But, still the little Chinese man jumps up again and shouts "No, no. Play a jazz chord, play a jazz chord". Stevie is really pissed off now that this chap doesnt seem to appreciate his playing ability and shouts to him from the stage " OK smart arse, you get up here and do it". The little bloke climbs onto the stage,takes hold of the mike and starts to sing........ .... "A jazz chord to say , I luv you..." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The_Munchmaster Posted March 31, 2012 Report Share Posted March 31, 2012 A Priest, a Doctor, a rich Businessman and a Scotsman were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers in front of them. The Doctor shouted to them, "I've never seen such poor golf!" The Scotsman chimed in, "Och aye! We ha' been waitin' for nigh on fifteen minutes!" The Businessman called out, "Move it on you guys, time is money." The Priest said, "Here comes George the green-keeper. Let's have a word with him." "Hello, George!" said the Priest, "What's wrong with that annoying group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?" George the green-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free, anytime they want to." The group fell into an embarrassed silence for a moment. Then the Priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight." The Doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleagues and see if there's anything they can do for them." The Businessman replied, "I think I'll donate £350,000 to the Fire Brigade Benevolent Fund in honour of these brave souls." And the Scotsman said, "Why kin they no play at night? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flashermac Posted April 1, 2012 Report Share Posted April 1, 2012 Hollywood is going to remake many well known films, but this time with a Welsh flavour. The following are planned for release next year: - An American Werewolf in Powys - The Magnificent Severn - The Wizard of Oswestry - Trefforest Gump - Dai Hard - Cool Hand Look-you - Dial M For Merthyr - Sheepless in Seattle - Haverfordwest Was Won - Independence Dai - Seven Brides from Seven Sisters - Welsh Connection - Welsh Connection II - The Bridge on the River Wye - Lawrence of Llandybie - A Beautiful Mind-you - The Welsh Patient - The King and Mair - The Sheepshag Redemption - Breakfast at Taffynys - Look You Back in Bangor - Evans Can Wait - A Fishguard Called Rhondda - Where Eagles Aberdare - The Eagle has Llandudno - 9½ Leeks - Cwmando - The Lost Boyos - Huw Dares Gwyneth - Austin Powys - The Magic Rhonddabout Please contact the Welsh Assembly for actual dates of release and for literal translations where needed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julian2 Posted April 1, 2012 Report Share Posted April 1, 2012 Welsh jokes? It's come to this? 1) What do call an Englishman holding a bottle of champagne after a Six Nations game? Waiter. 2) Did you hear about the Valleys girl who wanted to get dirty with her boyfriend? He took her to a coalmine. 3) What do you call a Welshman with no brain? Dim. 4) The All Blacks were playing England, and after the half-time whistle blew, they found themselves ahead 50-0, Jonah Lomu getting eight tries. The rest of the team decided to head for the pub instead of playing the second half, leaving Jonah to go out on his own. “No worries,†Jonah told them, “I’ll join you later and tell you what happened.†After the game Jonah headed for the pub where he told his team mates the final score – 95-3. “What?!â€, they said, “How did you let them get three points?†Jonah replied apologetically: “I was sent off with 20 minutes to go.†5) What do you get if you cross the WRU with an OXO cube? A laughing stock. 6) Dai and Blodwyn were engaged to be married. Dai was sent by his company to London on a two-week sales training course. The course was fine but the evenings were boring and by the second week Dai was fed up with sitting around in his hotel bedroom and went down to the bar for a few drinks where he met a couple of girls of the night, who enticed him into spending his money. On returning home Dai’s conscience got the better of him and he broke down and confessed to Blodwyn that he had been unfaithful to her twice. Blodwyn said she was glad Dai had been so honest – she too had to confess that she had been unfaithful twice whilst Dai had been away... once with the Tredegar Male Voice Choir and once with the Ebbw Vale RFC first XV. 7) An English politician was giving a speech in Aberystwyth. He said: “I was born an Englishman. I have been an Englishman all my life, and I will die an Englishman!†“What’s wrong, boyo?†shouted a voice from the crowd.“Got no ambition, have you?†8) What’s the Ospreys and a three pin British electrical plug got in common? They’re both useless in Europe. 9) Rhys: Doctor, I can’t stop singing the Green, Green Grass of Home. Doctor: That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome. Rhys: Is it common? Doctor: It’s not unusual. 10) Cabbie Rhys Parry was taking an American tourist from Bristol to Cardiff. When they were going over the Severn Bridge, the American told Rhys he had a longer bridge on his ranch in Colorado. When they arrived in Cardiff, Rhys showed him Cardiff Castle and he said his garage in Colorado was twice as big and only took a week to build. When the tourist spotted the Millennium Stadium, he asked Rhys what it was. He replied: “I don’t know, mate, it wasn’t there this morning.†Read More http://www.walesonline.co.uk/news/wales-news/tm_headline=top-10-welsh-jokes---&method=full&objectid=19307123&siteid=50082-name_page.html#ixzz1qpUIQ411 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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