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After a very busy day, a commuter settled down in her seat and closed her eyes as the train departed Montreal for Hudson.

 

As the train rolled out of the station, the guy sitting next to her pulled out his cell phone and started talking in a loud voice:

 

"Hi sweetheart it's Eric, I'm on the train - yes, I know it's the six thirty and not the four thirty but I had a long meeting - no, honey, not with that floozie from the accounts office, with the boss. No sweetheart, you're the only one in my life - yes, I'm sure, cross my heart."

 

Fifteen minutes later at St. Anne de Bellevue, he was still talking loudly.

 

The woman sitting next to him, obviously angered by his nonstop diatribe, yelled at the top of her voice:

 

"Hey, Eric, turn that stupid phone off and come back to bed!"

 

 

My guess is that Eric doesn't use his phone in public any more.

 

 

 

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After a very busy day, a commuter settled down in her seat and closed her eyes as the train departed Montreal for Hudson.

 

As the train rolled out of the station, the guy sitting next to her pulled out his cell phone and started talking in a loud voice: "Hi sweetheart it's Eric, I'm on the train - yes, I know it's the six thirty and not the four thirty but I had a long meeting - no, honey, not with that floozie from the accounts office, with the boss. No sweetheart, you're the only one in my life - yes, I'm sure, cross my heart."

 

Fifteen minutes later at St. Anne de Bellevue he was still talking loudly. The woman sitting next to him, obviously angered by his nonstop taling, yelled at the top of her voice:

 

"Hey, Eric, turn that stupid phone off and come back to bed!"

 

My guess would be that Eric doesn't use his phone in public any more

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A crusty old Marine Sergeant Major finds himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college.

There's no shortage of extremely young idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approaches the Sergeant Major for conversation.

"Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something bothering you?"

"Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature."

The young lady looks at his awards and decorations and says: "It looks like you have seen a lot of action."

"Yes, ma'am, a lot of action."

The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, says: "You know, you should lighten up. Relax and enjoy yourself."

The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner.

Finally the young lady says: "You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?"

"1955, ma'am."

"Well, there you are. No wonder you're so serious. You really need to chill out! I mean, no sex since 1955!'

She took his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeds to "relax" him several times.

Afterwards, panting for breath, she leans against his bare chest and says: "Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1955."

The Sergeant Major glances at his watch and says: "I hope not, ma'am. It's only 2130 now."

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I have been in many places, but I've never been in Cahoots.

Apparently, you can't go alone. You have to be in Cahoots with someone.

 

I've also never been in Cognito. I hear no one recognizes you there.

 

I have, however, been in Sane. They don't have an airport; you have to

be driven there. I have made several trips, thanks to my friends,

family and work. I live close so it's a short drive.

 

I would like to go to Conclusions, but you have to jump, and I'm not

too much on physical activity anymore.

 

I have also been in Doubt. That is a sad place to go, and I try not to

visit there too often.

 

I've been in Flexible, but only when it was very important to stand firm.

 

Sometimes I'm in Capable, and I go there more often as I'm getting older.

 

One of my favourite places to be is in Suspense! It really gets the

adrenalin flowing and pumps up the old heart! At my age I need all the

stimuli I can get!

 

And, sometimes I think I am in Vincible but life shows me I am not.

 

People keep telling me I'm in Denial but I'm positive I've never been

there before!

 

I have been in Deepshit many times; the older I get, the easier it is

to get there. I actually kind of enjoy it there.

 

So far, I haven't been in Continent; but my travel agent says I'll be

going soon.

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