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A police officer stopped at the farm yesterday "i need to inspect your farm for illegal growing of drugs."
I said "Ok.. That's all good, but don't go in that field over there"..
The officer verbally exploded saying, " Mister, I have the authority of the Government with me!" Reaching into his pocket, the arrogant officer pulled out his badge and shoved it in my face. "See this badge?!.. This badge means i am allowed to go wherever i wish.. On any land!! No questions asked or answers given!! Have I made myself clear?"..
I nodded politely, apologised, and went about my chores. A short time later, i heard loud screams, looked up, and saw the officer running for his life, being chased by my big mean bull.. With every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer, and it seemed likely that he'd sure enough get smoked before he reached safety. The officer was clearly terrified.. I threw down my tools, ran to the fence and yelled at the top of my lungs..
"Your badge, show him your BADGE!!"

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An Italian Confession

An elderly Italian man who lived on the outskirts of Rimini, Italy, went to the local church for confession. When the priest slid open the panel in the confessional, the man said:

Bless me, Father ... During World War II, a beautiful Jewish woman from our neighborhood knocked urgently on my door and asked me to hide her from the Nazis. So I hid her in my attic."

The priest replied: "That was a wonderful thing you did, and you have no need to confess that."

"There is more to tell, Father... She started to repay me with sexual favors. This happened several times a week, and sometimes twice on Sundays."

The priest said, "That was a long time ago and by doing what you did, you placed the two of you in great danger. But two people under those circumstances can easily succumb to the weakness of the flesh. However, if you are truly sorry for your actions, you are indeed forgiven."

"Thank you, Father. That's a great load off my mind. I do have one more question."

"And what is that?" asked the priest.

"Should I tell her the war is over?"

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