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1. You're obsessed with your hair, your car and your clothes

2. You want to marry a Korean-American or Chinese-American woman (males), or you want to marry a white guy (females).

3. You're afraid of black people.

4. You know you are superior to all other Asians.



1. You smoke and drink too much.

2. You've got a pot of kimchi in your fridge.

3. You're afraid of black people.

4. You know you are superior to all other Asians.



1. You think you're the smartest people in the world.

2. You have a pager and cellular phone with you at all times.

3. Today's steamed rice is tomorrow's fried rice.

4. You're afraid of black people.

5. You know you are superior to all other Asians.



1. You eat at restaurants that have "Pho" on their signboards.

2. You have some relative who is Chinese.

3. You're afraid of black people.

4. You know you are superior to all other Asians.



1. You want to be a dancer, a singer, or an actor, even though you have a job as a nurse, a security guard, or an accountant.

2. Some member of your family is a politician or a movie star.

3. You're not afraid of black people; in fact, you wish you were black.

4. You don't care if you are superior to all other Asians or not, because being Filipino is cool enough just by itself.



1. You are very proud of your country, but really want to live in California.

2. No matter what you eat, it's not spicy enough.

3. You're not afraid of black people, because in some cases you're scarier than they are.

4. You know in your heart you'll never really be superior to all other Asians, but you've learned to live with it.



1. You don't believe anything the newspapers tell you, but would never say so in public.

2. The whole world (and George Soros) is out to destroy you and your country.

3. You would never admit to being afraid of black people because it might disrupt racial harmony.

4. You don't think you are superior to other Asians, but your food, culture, English, humour etc obviously is.



1. You eat, sleep, smile and have sex according to Government policy.

2. You don't think Lee Kuan Yew was a facist dictator.

3. Government policy is that you shouldn't be afraid of black people, so you aren't.

4. You know you are superior to all other Asians because the Government tells you so.



1. Your rice is sticky and you eat it with your hands.

2. All the TV shows you watch come from Thailand.

3. You know the communist government sucks, but you would never dare say so in public.

4. Half of your family lives in the USA or Canada.

5. You are not afraid of black people because you've never even seen one.





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A preacher visits an elderly woman from his congregation. As he sits on the couch he notices a large bowl of peanuts on the coffee table.


"Mind if I have a few?" he asks.


"No not at all," the woman replies.


They chat for an hour and as the preacher stands to leave, he realizes that instead of eating just a few peanuts, he emptied most of the bowl.


"Iâ??m totally sorry for eating all your peanuts, I really just meant to eat a few," states the preacher.


"Oh that's all right," replies the woman. "Ever since I lost my teeth all I can do is suck the chocolate off them."


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Jake the Inventor is struggling through a bus station with two huge and obviously heavy suitcases when a stranger walks up to him and asks â??Have you got the time?'


Jake sighs, puts down the suitcases and glances at his wrist. 'It's a quarter to six,' he says.


'Hey, that's a pretty fancy watch!' exclaims the stranger.


Jake brightens a little. 'Yeah, it's not bad. Check this out' - and he shows him a time zone display not just for every time zone in the world, but for the 86 largest metropolis.


He hits a few buttons and from somewhere on the watch a voice says â??The time is eleven 'til six' in a very West Texas accent. A few more buttons and the same voice says something in Japanese. Jake continues 'I've put in regional accents for each city'. The display is unbelievably high quality and the voice is simply astounding.


The stranger is struck dumb with admiration. 'That's not all,' says Jake.


He pushes a few more buttons and a tiny but very hi-resolution map of New York City appears on the display. 'The flashing dot shows our location by satellite positioning,' explains Jake.


'View recede ten,' Jake says, and the display changes to show eastern New York state.


'I want to buy this watch!' says the stranger.


'Oh, no, it's not ready for sale yet; I'm still working out the bugs,â?? says the inventor. 'But look at this,' and he proceeds to demonstrate that the watch is also a very creditable little FM radio receiver with a digital tuner, a sonar device that can measure distances up to 125 meters, a pager with thermal paper printout and, most impressive of all, the capacity for voice recordings of up to 300 standard-size books,â?? though I only have 32 of my favourites in there so far' says Jake.


'I've got to have this watch!' says the stranger.


'No, you don't understand; it's not ready.' 'I'll give you $1000 for it!'


'Oh, no, I've already spent more than -' 'I'll give you $5000 for it!'


'But it's just not -'


'I'll give you $15,000 for it!' And the stranger pulls out a checkbook.


Jake stops to think. He's only put about $8,500 into materials and development, and with $15,000 he can make another one and have it ready for merchandising in only six months. The stranger frantically finishes writing the check and waves it in front of him. 'Here it is, ready to hand to you right here and now. $15,000. Take it or leave it.'


Jake abruptly makes his decision. 'OK,' he says, and peels off the watch. They make the exchange and the stranger starts happily away. 'Hey, wait a minute,' calls Jake after the stranger, who turns around warily. Jake points to the two suitcases he'd been trying to wrestle through the bus station.



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